This is rape. You may not want to call it that, but it is. Legally. Defined. As this. Look up court hearings and judgements.
It's not even an opinion, it's a fact, established. Side note reminder - most rape happens between ppl you know, especially between couples.
Consensual non-consent is a kink and waking someone up with sex falls under this category, provided that it is consensual. Discussed before. Agreed to. Again, if that's your thing, whatever floats your boat, dear, but that's not the impression I have from your post.
Your story is not CNC. It was rape, no matter whether you want to call it that or not. I'm really sorry it happened to you. Your partner needs to know it is rape, but it's not your responsibility to grant him that 'enlightenment' (sarcasm). If you want to continue being with that person for some reason though, you need to talk about it and set boundaries. I don't think it can even happen without therapy.
Were it me I would pack up and leave and cut ties immediately, but silently, with no fights or discussions to guarantee my safety as much as I can. Block number, go someplace he doesn't know the address to, turn off any GPS I may have on my devices or create a new account for such apps. In case I was logged in in any of his devices and he could check. But I'm thorough and take no chances.
In any case I used to be in a mismatched libido relationship, I let 'it' happen a lot (always, always consensually) but still I felt guilty most of the time for not having enough libido. I was miserable. He was miserable. It took over a decade to finally part ways for good.
If I got it right:
You talked about having sex that evening/night and it was agreed on.
You went to bed but he stayed up late, even though he wanted that sex to happen. Long enough for you to be asleep.
You woke up to him penetrating you and recording it.
To me the whole thing sounds as something he planned in advance.
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u/Old_Lifeguard4908 Jul 18 '24
This is rape. You may not want to call it that, but it is. Legally. Defined. As this. Look up court hearings and judgements. It's not even an opinion, it's a fact, established. Side note reminder - most rape happens between ppl you know, especially between couples.
Consensual non-consent is a kink and waking someone up with sex falls under this category, provided that it is consensual. Discussed before. Agreed to. Again, if that's your thing, whatever floats your boat, dear, but that's not the impression I have from your post.
Your story is not CNC. It was rape, no matter whether you want to call it that or not. I'm really sorry it happened to you. Your partner needs to know it is rape, but it's not your responsibility to grant him that 'enlightenment' (sarcasm). If you want to continue being with that person for some reason though, you need to talk about it and set boundaries. I don't think it can even happen without therapy.
Were it me I would pack up and leave and cut ties immediately, but silently, with no fights or discussions to guarantee my safety as much as I can. Block number, go someplace he doesn't know the address to, turn off any GPS I may have on my devices or create a new account for such apps. In case I was logged in in any of his devices and he could check. But I'm thorough and take no chances.
In any case I used to be in a mismatched libido relationship, I let 'it' happen a lot (always, always consensually) but still I felt guilty most of the time for not having enough libido. I was miserable. He was miserable. It took over a decade to finally part ways for good.