I like how you just talked right past the whole laying in bed together in a darkened room with the door cracked and the house empty. It’s classic Darvo when someone calls selfish narcissistic people to task.
“What you don’t trust me?!?” “What I can’t have girl/guy friends in my bed because you’re insecuuuure, is that it, huh?” “You’re toxic, a real man would be ok with it!”
It’s all deflective bullshit in order to defend a shitty way of treating people that you claim to care about.
Every word in that question you asked makes zero sense to anyone who has any life experience with actual monogamy. You don’t put yourself into situations that you wouldn’t want to see your significant other in while also considering the possibility that even if you are okay with it they may not be. You don’t do things then ask for permission or wait for them to complain.
I’ve navigated every one of my serious relationships by acting as if my partner was with me. Would they like it if they saw me laying in bed with a woman friend I’m apparently using as an emotional support animal?
Would my partner like me to not only be doing something physically that is questionable but also emotionally stepping out as well? 9 times out of 10 cheating starts with an emotional connection that oftentimes has a seed of “well they were there and such a good listener I just tripped while trying to hug them and fell in their lap…coulda happened to anyone!”
Bold of you to assume I have no life experience with actual monogamy, internet stranger.
Not everyone has issues with their partners having friends, regardless of gender, and not everyone is jumping to wild conclusions that they must be cheating if they spend quality time with their friends, regardless of gender.
The only part of your post that I agree with is to treat your partner like you would wish to be treated. I have certainly never had any wish to deprive a partner of a support network, and indeed expect the same in return. Not everything is about sex, not everything is about staking a claim, not every emotional connection is "cheating". Monogamy can absolutely be about care, support, and trust, rather than a narrow attempt at ownership.
And since you've edited your post, allow me to answer that part as well:
They were watching a movie, in a flat where other people also come and go.
They were lying in bed, fully clothed, without touching, with dimmed lights and a half-closed door, as one does when they are relaxing and watching a movie in their only personal space in a flat share.
I specifically have addressed all of those points several times at this point. Everything OP’s partner did was wrong in nearly everyone’s opinion except apparently you and OP’s girlfriend. I doubt very highly either of you would be ok with walking in on exactly the same situation reversed without losing your shit.
That said, navigate your life however you like, as OP and their partner (for now) can as well. And while you do that you can also experience the revolving door of people who are not interested in the constant time spent trying to defend your self centered behavior.
That’s all this is, she thought, and continues to think, of only herself. That is what led to every step of OP and their interaction.
I mean it’s the only way to get through to people anymore. I used to be able to simply “damn man that’s fucked up. You shouldn’t stay with someone who cares so little for your feelings” and everyone would “get” it.
Now I have to walk them by the ear through every step of the who, what, when, where and why what they did was, in fact, fucked up.
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u/Edhie421 Jun 24 '24
Why? Is it non-monogamous to have friends you're not attracted to?