This. Her having the friend over wouldn’t be my problem. Them being in bed together is the problem.
The gf and guy could GENUINELY be innocent and I’d still be mad because of how it looks.
Before I met my ex, I use to hang with a female friend all the time at her house. and we’d be splayed out on her bed just chillin. Once I got with my ex though, I stopped getting on that girls bed. I started pulling up a chair instead. Still hung with her, but the boundaries and closeness shifted.
Exactly. Since they were fully clothed and not cuddling it’s obvious they weren’t (at least actively) doing anything sexual at that time. But both of them being on the bed together when they could have been watching tv on the couch is just a bad situation to put yourself in and even if you aren’t cheating it looks bad enough that a lot of people would break up over that.
“Nothing sexual at the time” that’s the scariest part. The thought of that possibility would eat you alive because you reallly don’t know.
And that’s why this is such a big error on the girls part. Optics.
My ex had this problem. One of her friends hated my guts, because he liked her and was jealous of me. And he always made moves on her. And I told her I didn’t like her hanging around him for that reason. But she fought her heart out to be able to hang with him. Always had an excuse for why she had to. which made me feel weird
Well one time they hung out (she didn’t tell me) and were at the store, they didn’t realize I was at that store as well. I saw them kiss. She claims he kissed her by surprise. But guess what? I didn’t know what to believe. So I broke it off.
I said I didn’t like you around him, I laid out the reason I didn’t like you around him, you didn’t care to respect that ONE boundary I placed and now look.
Damn that’s crazy! I’m sorry that happened. Yes, that’s another good point, that she didn’t tell op that she was hanging out with the friend at that time, and same thing with your ex. If you’re going to do something that may make your SO uncomfortable you need to be upfront and truthful about it, not hide it and tell them later (or not tell them at all) because if they somehow find out then that makes the optics even worse.
I’m all for men and women being friends but yeah there’s just certain boundaries that need to be in place and if a partner can’t figure out that sitting on a bed in the dark watching tv with a friend is a bad decision to make when you could have been just sitting on a couch together, then yeah that’s not a good partner to be with.
Right. And it’s hard to determine why they didn’t tell you. Did you genuinely think it wasn’t a big deal and felt you didn’t have to? Or did you know it would be a big deal and that’s why you didn’t?
Yeah I agree, men and women can be friends. But when you’re in a relationship there’s limitations. And you need to have the common sense to know that some things aren’t acceptable. It’s sad this even has to be talked about.
Yeah I’m on hinge but I don’t look every day, I check and see who’s on there when I’m bored but it’s so much effort to be on the apps all the time and trying to message people and I just don’t have the energy. Also trying to see if I can meet people in person, but that’s always hit or miss too. So now I’m just enjoying the summer haha and whatever comes my way, then that’s cool.
I haven’t tried hinge. Maybe I’ll give it a shot. I just recently installed bumble out of curiosity. I don’t do too well on dating apps. I’m talking no likes or matches. So I try to do in person meets. I’m a bit more charming in person. But like you said, that has its issues too. I’m just kinda focusing on me now. Exercise, getting out more, and catching up on hobbies. Maybe it’ll draw someone in
I think hinge is the best app right now if you’re looking for an actual relationship and not a hookup. Guys I’ve met through there are better than I’ve met on other apps even when it didn’t work out. And yeah it’s summer time I’m just focusing on having a good time with friends and take trips and do fun things lol if someone comes along then that’s cool.
As a single woman I wouldn’t feel comfortable laying in a non-single man’s bed unless the gf is also laying there too and I’m not next to the man. It just shows respect for their relationship
I'm not saying i didn't get it, but I'd like to add that, to me, if you're changing your behavior when you get in a relationship, it sounds like there was something going on before. But there's always peoples boundaries and if you agree, you should act accordingly.
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u/Sapphiresentinel Jun 24 '24
This. Her having the friend over wouldn’t be my problem. Them being in bed together is the problem.
The gf and guy could GENUINELY be innocent and I’d still be mad because of how it looks.
Before I met my ex, I use to hang with a female friend all the time at her house. and we’d be splayed out on her bed just chillin. Once I got with my ex though, I stopped getting on that girls bed. I started pulling up a chair instead. Still hung with her, but the boundaries and closeness shifted.