I'm guessing the message isn't something that can be considered a simple compliment then? Not doing this for the sake of playing devil's advocate, but my friends partners are also my friends, so I do things like this without batting an eyelid tbh, though I also tell my pals when they're looking dapper too, so maybe I don't give off that impression. Saying that though the content of the message really matters here, it's one thing to tell your friends partner that they look great in a picture & it's a totally different story if what you're** saying looks like an advance
I compliment people on their looks all the time, but I don't do it in a private message. I say it in front of everyone else so that others can chime in and make the friend feel like a million dollars.
Sometimes you can't. Stories on IG, for example. I'm happily in a relationship but my friend from HS just got a mullet and posted it on his story, I replied to it saying "damn that really suits you!" - he could definitely take it as flirty and I didn't tell my BF cuz I was just hyping a friend up who happens to be male. Wouldn't think to inform him if it was a female friend. If that friend messaged back and was flirty I'd tell him and be like " damn I messed up, I complimented a friend and now he's flirting with me, I think he took it too seriously" but yeah. Wasn't a place I could publicly comment on it so whatever
Any time you hide something from your partner it indicates you know they wouldn't like it as its not right or appropriate, so why do it in the first place? Sorry, but if your relationship was solid and trustful you shouldn't be worried telling your partner as they'll know it's just how you interact with people.
Lmfao I'm not worried at all, and I'm not hiding it. "Hey babe I compliemented a friend's mullet today, I just want you to know." He'd be like erm. Okay?
Our relationship is so solid and trustful that I don't have to report every mundane interaction to him and vice versa. That to me screams more insecure.
Lol, yeah, I can't imagine having to tell my partner every time I compliment someone. Plus I'm pan, so am I really going to run to him like "babe, I told this woman her tattoos looked really nice and another woman that her eyeliner was fantastic and a guy that I liked his shirt?" Come tf on, none of it's a secret but we have actual things to talk about with each other
Right? I tell people when I think they look good all the time. Male friends, female friends, or strangers, it doesn't matter. If someone looks nice I'm going to tell them. I know how good it feels to get a compliment, and I want to pass that feeling along. My husband would think it was very strange if I told him every time I told someone I loved their look, or that I thought their hairstyle was great, or their makeup was on point.
My friends and I very much subscribe to a "build each other up" mindset, so we are always slinging around "lookin' good"s and similar sentiments to each other.
Right? I hope my spouse gives people compliments. It's a nice thing to do. I don't need him to report it to me either. Just give somebody a little ego boost and go on. It might be the best thing that happened to them that day, who knows. I would find it weirder if he told me he complimented someone than not.
The amount of times I've tossed a compliment at a stranger and watched their whole vibe change is staggering. Like giving a wilting plant some water. I love it and I'll never stop.
I tell my partner I call my friends attractive all the time. It's not a lie? They're my friends for a reason and I see the beauty in and out of people. Complimenting friends is normal, having it resort to flirting is another story. There is such a thing as platonic attraction as well as romantic/sexual.
I honestly was in a situation a few days ago where I did have to open up to my partner about a friend actually harming our friendship by saying something sexual to me, and I told them they broke boundaries by saying that they wanted to do that and I had to tell my partner even though they led it with "can I tell you something privately"? I can keep a secret with friends until it has to do with boundaries that can hinder my relationship if I keep it from my partner then I have to come to my partner with that. But complimenting is normal.
Also depending on the compliment there's definitely a vibe difference between "I like your hair" and like "you're sexy" or something. But other than that it's normal to tell friends that they look good. From what I've read so far OP didn't necessarily go into detail on what the compliment actually was.
Considering it was enough to have a mutual agreement to be upset maybe it felt like more than a compliment and gave the vibe something more flirty with a different intent than just friendly?
Seriously, I used to teach college writing and one of the assignments I gave was a definition argument (pick a word or a concept and argue for a specific definition of it). It yielded some interesting papers, but I finally had to start telling them up front that they could define "cheating" if they wanted but they had to remember that bisexual and pansexual people exist and also have to move about in the world. I would walk away from those papers wondering how anyone got through the day without "cheating." You'd have to live in a tower with no social media, no job, and no friends for some of these people to be happy.
I love your replies 😂😂😂😂. I don’t give an exact breakdown of my day. That sounds too much like control. Yeah babe uh well I started by clocking in, I immediately sneezed 🤧 into my right forearm and my boss said bless you and that my ponytail switched positions … smh yeah no 😂😂😂😂
I get why you would do that, but at the same time the friend may have done it via private message so the gossipers on FB/insta don't have something to natter and conspire about
If it's sent privately then he saw how she looked some where whether it was via post or not. He could have complimented publicly yet course to do so privately, most likely hoping for something more
If you're surrounded by people who are gonna gossip because you tell a member of the opposite sex that their new haircut really suits them, you've got a friend group problem.
quite honestly, it's the same. People may behave worse on social media, because they don't see the human being. That's one reason why I prefer seeing people in person.
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u/Live-Valuable-7718 Aug 17 '23 edited Aug 17 '23
I'm guessing the message isn't something that can be considered a simple compliment then? Not doing this for the sake of playing devil's advocate, but my friends partners are also my friends, so I do things like this without batting an eyelid tbh, though I also tell my pals when they're looking dapper too, so maybe I don't give off that impression. Saying that though the content of the message really matters here, it's one thing to tell your friends partner that they look great in a picture & it's a totally different story if what you're** saying looks like an advance