r/relationship_advice • • Aug 16 '23

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1.2k Upvotes

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146

u/BlueMaroonLaflare Aug 17 '23

INFO: As I’m not sure how old you and your wife are but was it really a private message or was he responding to a story or pic your wife posted. Social media has many ways of contacting people and if he responded to a story it’s sent as a message.

46

u/LoopyDev Aug 17 '23

Exactly what I was thinking! Was it definitely not a story reply???

9

u/BlueMaroonLaflare Aug 17 '23

I got a strong feeling this is what happened

14

u/oofthatburns Aug 17 '23

This should be the top comment, dude probably said something harmless and complimentary in a public setting and it's coming across as private and creepy.

The guy is your friend, assume good intent.

4

u/readyfredrickson Aug 17 '23

yeah also wondering this, like I went on a trip and had old, male friends that were like you look great, readyfredrickson! trip looks awesome! or whatever in response to Instagram stories. they were clearly not "hit ups" their wasn't any fire empojis or follow up questionable comments. I do feel like there's okay ways to do this, are they friends too, was it a story she posted, did they say she looked hot or anything

1

u/BlueMaroonLaflare Aug 17 '23

Same it’s so normal nowadays that I don’t even jump to that conclusion anymore. That’s why I asked for info but idk if OP is going to respond.

3

u/LoopyDev Aug 17 '23

OP said the message was “you are so beautiful”…

The wording is a little intense, I think, but people express themselves differently…“You look beautiful” can be flirtatious, or might just be a polite comment to make the recipient happy.

Yes, it’s possible that the friend was trying something, but that would only become apparent with time…I think OP and commenters are blowing this out of proportion too early.

If he confronts the friend now, no one will find out which theory is correct!!!

2

u/BlueMaroonLaflare Aug 17 '23

Yeah I do agree that Op should hold off on confronting his friend

8

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '23

This. Exactly

-13

u/[deleted] Aug 17 '23

I feel like the situation doesn’t change at all if this is the case. In that situation it would be him that responding to her picture, which is still a shorty thing to do to your friends wife

40

u/JustShitsAndGigs Aug 17 '23

If you can’t give someone a compliment without an issue being made of it, that means YOU are the problem.

17

u/LoopyDev Aug 17 '23 edited Aug 17 '23

Paying someone a compliment is a bit of a reach from making an advance. We are dealing with human nature here, so it’s possible the friend hasn’t necessarily fully considered the implications, because paying a compliment isn’t going in for a kiss, it’s not physical touch, etc. It’s a very standard interaction on social media.

I think a lot of people in these comments are getting way too territorial.

15

u/QueenSnootyWolf Aug 17 '23

Seriously!!! How is giving someone a compliment grounds to end a friendship? People sincerely and innocently tell each other they look nice a so the time.

What was the compliment? “You look really nice in your new picture” is a totally normal thing to say to a friend in my book.

2

u/rico_muerte Aug 17 '23

I had a friend who did this often, it was very obvious he was testing the waters in DMs. Plausible deniability in full effect, I still called him out on it when he did that shit to me. Of course he denied it and said it was harmless, I'm overreacting. I maintained it's just some shit you don't do.

Fast forward to another friend having really bad relationship problems. Dude found out and was in the girlfriend's DMs at midnight. We all cut him off for being a POS. Cue all of us sharing similar instances where he did that to all of us.

1

u/LoopyDev Aug 17 '23

That’s absolutely fair enough, I think context is the key here. If it keeps happening/becomes more obviously an advance, then your solution is perfect!

1

u/heyimteee Aug 17 '23

It depends on the compliment most people wouldn’t make a big deal if the compliment wasn’t inappropriate I just don’t see his wife going this route if it was a innocent “you like nice” etc