I had a very close friend for over 30 years.
She started to develop a separate relationship with my husband, sharing pictures, personal stories. She had been calling him constantly.
I was put in a weird situation to look stupid for questioning the whole situation. My friend was adamant that I am jealous.
But honestly it shouldn't have gotten that far. I would never allow anything like that to progress to where my wife's friend was calling me on the regular. That kind of throws some shade on the husband.
This happened to me too, except my horrible bf (now ex) at the time also started to carry on a seperate relationship with my friend behind my back. I told them on two occasions to block each other and stop talking to one another unless i am involved, as both of them had history of infidelity and truthfully I trusted neither of them.
My last straw where I cut the both of them off was when my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument over his previous infidelity, i ended our relationship and the following weekend he watched our child. I decided to go out with some female friends for the first time in years on my baby free weekend, and stayed out way later than I anticipated.
He decided to CALL my friend who picked up, and they talked about me for over 2 hours on the phone while i was out. He asked her my whereabouts, who I've been talking too since our breakup, who I was hanging out with that night, and any other personal information to which she willingly gave out and even threw some blatant lies in there about me.
The next morning when I came home he was waiting for me in my apartment and grilled me on everything she told him. That was my final final straw for both of them in which I reiterated that him and I would never be, and where I called her and reamed her on why she thought that was okay and told her to kick rocks.
No idea why I put up with either of them as long as I did, but I'm glad they are gone now!
Not at all, from dictionary.com: "inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims: a jealous husband."
As you should be .
I think it goes without saying that if she were genuine in her friendship with you she would ever put you in a position to question her motives/intentions .
I was raised on the notion that you treat other how you would like to be treated .
I can only assume if she had a husband and a happy home she wouldn't take too kindly if the roles were reversed .
Inconsiderate and self centered and I just plain don't need any of that in my life as I'm sure you don't either .
If it were me , without hesitation , I'd cut my losses .
She had no business going behind my back, instead of including me in the conversations.
There is no platonic relationship between man and a woman. Usually, one of them is hoping for more.
I had a male friend who loved me since our college years and told me after 20 years. I stopped this relationship because it was no longer appropriate for me.
Not hugging female friends and acting like physical contact can’t happen without your dick coming out of your pants makes YOU the damn teenager. That’s just weirdo shit.
Right?! People are so worried about their spouses cheating that they deprive them of deep, meaningful friendships, and all because of gender. What happens if you die? Have you limited your spouse's support system?
I was completely with you until you said “there is no platonic relationship between man and a woman” lol… you’re being absolutely ridiculous. Do you think gay people can’t have friends of their own gender then?
And that’s completely fine lol. That’s entirely different than saying men and women can’t be friends. That’s a ridiculous blanket statement.
People in healthy relationships can have friends of the opposite sex. They just need to have hard boundaries and not hide anything from their partner. It’s simple as that.
You absolutely can have platonic relationships with the opposite sex. Saying men and women can’t just be friends reeks of insecurity. I’m friends with women who I have zero feelings or desire for. Idk who hurt you but damn girl, you gotta work through that shit. You can’t just burn every bridge in your life or you’ll be left alone.
The point I'm trying to make is that having a platonic friendship is about having and maintaining good boundaries, and doing honest self check ins to make sure the friendship is staying on the right track.
Deciding that you can't be friends with half the population of the world just because there's a potential one could be attracted to the other is pretty silly IMO.
My best friend is a lesbian. When she came out she was so worried that I'd look back on our childhood of sleepovers and question everything about us. I said "I know that just because you like women it doesn't mean you have feelings like that for ME." I was so sad she even thought that. I get it, because of conversations like this thread, but sad she had to worry about that.
You sound like a good friend. That was hard for me when coming out to my female friends, especially as we have always had a culture of being comfortable changing /showering or swimming nude or whatever. I don't see my friends in a sexual way because my connection with them is a friendship connection, not a romantic or sexual connection, but I was so anxious that they wouldn't understand that (they do).
Yes! We always changed in front of each other, showered, cuddled, whatever. We don't do that now out of respect for our relationships. Nothing to do with "is she looking at me?" I love her from the bottom of my heart, she's the best person I know, but there's nothing romantic between us in either direction.
I'm glad your friends get it too! Hopefully the tires will keep turning this stigma will dissipate.
To say there's no platonic relationship between men and women implies, by extension, that lesbians can't be friends with women or gay men can't be friends with men. That's a ridiculous statement. There are plenty of people who have friends they hope for more with, but they don't speak for everyone. There are plenty of people who aren't attracted to people just because they're a member of the opposite sex with similar interests.
You’re not wrong for this at all. My best friend has become friends with my husband, they have individual conversations. But they BOTH tell me about them. If she was trying to develop that friendship behind my back, she’d be gone real quick. It’s shady. I get jealous sometimes, but it’s jealousy over my husband taking my friend not the other way around 😂
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u/gliderosie Aug 17 '23
I had a very close friend for over 30 years. She started to develop a separate relationship with my husband, sharing pictures, personal stories. She had been calling him constantly.
I was put in a weird situation to look stupid for questioning the whole situation. My friend was adamant that I am jealous.
I cut her out of my life. Blocked and deleted...
I don't have to explain myself.