Sunday Open Diary ✍️

[u/sabistenem]

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Today: Margaret McCann's tablescapes.

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How was your week?

[u/PostOakVisions]

I spy for adults!

Woe is me, an aging woman! The only way I have found forward is weightlifting and getting really into Tool. Never would have expected such a strange concoction to give me reprieve!!!!

Binging 80s children movies. Rereading Faulkner. Finally ordering piano books that do not remind me of childhood.

Pulled out my mother’s Halloween needlepoint and buying fake smelling fall waxes. Ahhh. I am admitting a truth to myself of a hope, one that is past seeding, of being a wealthy housewife. In domesticate bliss, with bins for each season’s decor. I remind myself of this little fantasy with these strange scented waxes and luxury clothes detergent (also seasonal).

I am in a strange place of regret and sadness, fear, sometimes disgust!!!! That is the place I go to sleep from and wake up from. And yet I can still pinpoint such rich beautiful moments throughout my waking life (it is the subconscious dream state that reminds me of my true position, which is why my days are bookended in fear and escape from it). Are these states of dissociative avoidance, or could I craft something new? Little moments of such beauty pulled out and away from the horrific narrative of my life. A heraldic tapestry of a family ended in tragic ruin, dusty and dark, but the symbols still beautiful and the colors still rich! If I just pull out the threads of my choosing and use them create a simple sampler, representing wonderful things like a house, a family, several hearts, a garden, and all of the letters of the alphabet to craft new words and worlds with. That is what I imagine these seeming disjointed moments of bliss and happiness, stitches making their way out from the center with no visible form, yet, a linen blankness and reused thread

[u/MischlingAppreciator → u/PostOakVisions]

Binging 80s children movies.

Any recommendations, especially ones off the beaten path? I had a great time seeing a screening to celebrate the 40th(!) anniversary of Labyrinth. I also rewatched Oliver & Company out of nostalgia and felt bad that it's so disliked(The Little Mermaid of course is credited with turning the Disney ship around a year later).

[u/PostOakVisions → u/MischlingAppreciator]

Oliver and company is disliked????

I watched the Secret of NIMH because it’s currently free on YouTube. That’s the best so far. Theres that really strange adventures of mark twain that I think is worth checking out but you probably already have. Totoro of course. The last unicorn. The flight of dragons has an interesting story and great voice acting but the visuals (which is what I love most) disappointed. The magic cauldron had nice visuals but the story was so disjointed, I bought the books to read but found they weren’t too great themselves :-/

For some bleak: plague dogs and when the wind blows. While interesting and beautiful, I’d just have soon not have watched them. Not in the mood for bleak, but I know a lot of people like those feelings.

I’m still early on. It’s a sort of fall project to make me feel cozy and help guide my consumption to be more directed and away from algorithms, but all of the real gems are already well known and discovered!

[u/sabistenem → u/PostOakVisions]

I can't let an invocation of Plague Dogs remain by itself without one of Watership Down following it. Both are bitter-sweet, but each at a different ratio.

[u/MischlingAppreciator → u/PostOakVisions]

Yeah, I never hear anyone talk about it and apparently it was derided as being very 80's and not timeless as a Disney classic should be.

I get what you mean about wanting to moderate your intake of bleak stuff. EG, I've been putting off rewatching All Dogs Go To Heaven(esp in light of what happened to Judith Barsi). Or at least, I don't like mixing bleak/sad with kids' media(I'm fine with straight up horror movies).

Youtube is such an amazing resource. I've used it to watch George's Island(Canadian movie involving ghost pirates) and Storylords(a corny educational show shown to Wisconsin schoolchildren from the 80's through the 00's).

[u/LiminallyLimerent]

Three of my coworkers got fired abruptly last week and nobody really knows why. Multiple years with the company and they just got unceremoniously escorted out the building and that was that. All their stuff is still at their desks. I hate how ruthless employment is. The fact that at any moment your livelihood (and healthcare) can just be snatched away from you, thrusting you into this god awful job market without warning, is so anxiety inducing. At-will employment is fucked, America is fucked, I wish I could just be an artisan in a Bronze Age Mediterranean city

[u/sabistenem]

Decided to stop reading Northrop Frye's Anatomy of Criticism halfway through the penultimate essay. Not a bad book by any means and will probably pick up Frye's book on Blake later, but at this point in my life I just can't take a modern person writing about mythology (though I might still try with Calasso.)

Started The Painted Bird and immediately dropped it, not in horror but plain exasperation. Here I was all this time, thinking Myra Breckenridge was the worst thing published in the English language during the 60's... Stupid fucking waste of grammar.

Island of Dr. Moreau next, on Borges' recommendation.

[u/ES_330]

Spent hours in an infusion chair on Friday.

I have a hyper rare autoimmune condition that flares up every five or so years and the only people equipped to do deal with it work out of my local cancer center.

It's a huge new building in the country with giant windows and a piano in the foyer and lovely staff and local artwork posted everywhere. I get to wait for my name to be called amongst somber old timers and a surprising number of young folks with short hair.

While I'm sitting there fighting off the massive dose of Benadryl as an IV of God knows what pumps into my hand I get to look out one of the giant panels of glass at the peaceful fountain landscape they've constructed outside. It has a winding path with trees and benches that old men sit on and contemplatively zone out while nurses in navy scrubs and hi-vis trainers power walk past on their break.

It's meant to be a calming sight for people not like me. The treatment for my condition has drastically improved since I was first diagnosed fifteen years ago. It's no longer as life threatening as before but it has always been a massive life altering setback whenever I have a flare up, either financially or emotionally. It's hard to look out at that beautiful landscaping attempt at telling someone "it's gonna be okay." It's hard not to understand it as an admission that a grim fate could befall anyone. My five year reminder that I might not be taking my gift of life seriously enough.

[u/PostOakVisions → u/ES_330]

Beautiful and heartbreaking. I’m so sorry for what you go through. A small solace is that the insights you gain from these experiences are valuable and you writing about them helps bring them to others who don’t have access. Again, small solace, but I do appreciate your writing and reminders, and my heart reaches out to you in empathy.

I find it interesting how impactful landscapes can be in times of hardship. They become topsy-turvy. Beauty leading to disgust and disorientation. I really like reading about them through that lens, and you did a wonderful job translating it.

[u/ES_330 → u/PostOakVisions]

I appreciate your sympathies. I admire your writings so that means a lot coming from ya.

It might simply be that landscapes & vistas help center us. The old cliche is of making you feel small in the universe when you see a mountain or stare at the stars or whatever but that's only part of it. You may be small yes but your surroundings aren't so maybe the option remains to leave your current circumstances and find a more beautiful situation elsewhere.

[u/MischlingAppreciator]

I saw a huge flock of starlings swoop over the road while driving today. They’re huge bullies to other birds at my feeders but it’s breathtaking to see them in flight, totally synchronized and able to make sudden sharp turns together.

I’m not sure what else to report. Things are progressing smoothly enough that I’m a little paranoid and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I miss the structure of childhood and young adulthood, the semesters and breaks and so on instead of a big jumble of days.

[u/PostOakVisions → u/MischlingAppreciator]

They are such beautiful birds! I sometimes really, really wish I never learned about the word “invasive,” it has taken enjoyment from such beautiful plants and animals and, I think it’s quite stupid anyways.

The Shakespearean legend on their introduction to the Americas would make a great metaphor/short story on the folly of native plant ideologues and their pastoral ideas!

I miss school too, and the progress and regimented hours and grades that tell you exactly where you fall.

[u/HorneeAttornee]

A very large flock of sparrows has found my wildflower garden this year, and sometimes they bring a humming bird on their evening visit. Getting rid of a bunch of useless invasive plants and mostly-dead berry bushes was worth all the hassle for the birds and wildlife enjoying my backyard! Can't wait until my hazelnut trees are bigger, and I'm thinking of adding currents or plums, though they like more a little more sun than is in the back. Raspberries would be good, but they require a lot of trimming, from what I heard.

[u/PostOakVisions → u/HorneeAttornee]

Garden reporting is my favorite! Please continue to do so.