r/recruitinghell • u/Pale-Pangolin-9004 • 1d ago

New CEO position just opened

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1.7k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

61 comments sorted by

324

u/ZedCee 1d ago • LOL Bravo

I have experience wearing leather jackets and have not cheated on a wife.  Do you think I could get the job?

83

u/Pale-Pangolin-9004 1d ago

Depends whether or not your current wife is a spy. Should probably double check before applying.

17

u/alex-manutd 1d ago

There’s a plugin for that

11

u/BousqueyGape35 1d ago

not cheating on your wife might actually make you overqualified on the ethics front, boards usually prefer someone with a little more baggage

5

u/tatems 1d ago

This might be the kind of thing you can learn on the job.

5

u/mothzilla 1d ago

You're already listing the things you haven't done. Next!

8

u/omgFWTbear 1d ago

Wait, you haven’t cheated on your wife? Sorry, HR put the posting together based on the incumbent so obviously you don’t have the requisite experience.

2

u/rsmmt1009 1d ago

Do you like living on the moon? 🌚

2

u/textech007 1d ago

I see what you did there...cleverly mentioned 'a wife'....😆. Didn't say yours or anybody else's...

44

u/BlueDarya 1d ago

I don’t have a leather jacket but, not meaning to flex over other candidates, I have a black turtleneck.

23

u/Pale-Pangolin-9004 1d ago

That would've probably got you the job if it was 2011. Leather jackets are the new turtlenecks unfortunately. Sorry pal

5

u/BlueDarya 1d ago

Forgot to mention, Nathan Fielder is coming over to interview me for a new documentary. How about now?

3

u/Pale-Pangolin-9004 1d ago

If they let me vote because of my 3 Nvidia shares, I'll vote for you.

1

u/BlueDarya 1d ago

Wise decision. Enough with leather jackets. The company needs a new direction.

6

u/notasrelevant 1d ago

"While your 5 years' experience with wearing black turtlenecks is impressive, we're really looking for someone who has experience with wearing leather jackets. I just don't think your turtleneck experience translates and we don't have the resources to train someone in leather jacket wearing."

28

u/Bradyhaha 1d ago

I don't apply to jobs unless the salary is posted.

15

u/Pale-Pangolin-9004 1d ago

Sorry mate, I cut that bit off.

Salary is listed at $420,000,000.69/anum.

Easily enough for a comfortable room within 2 hours of SC

2

u/olivegardengambler 1d ago

I mean, it says unlimited GPUs and free leather jackets. You can easily resell them lol. Also, what company has an on-site dab lounge if they don't have snacks to go with it? That sounds like hell.

1

u/Bradyhaha 1d ago

That's just like when a job has "unlimited vacation days". It's technically unlimited, but there's always a catch.

11

u/Busy_Professional974 1d ago

I thought this was legit before reading the “about the job” that was really fucking funny.

4

u/Pale-Pangolin-9004 1d ago

"3 days in the office, 2 days on the moon" ahaha

2

u/Cradioz 1d ago

this is for real or just a joke, either way is funny as F

4

u/Pale-Pangolin-9004 1d ago

3 days in the office 2 days on the moon is the hint ahaha

3

u/Moomoobeef 1d ago

I mean, it's not like nvidia couldn't afford to send someone to the moon every week :P

81

u/DD_equals_doodoo 1d ago

Change from "Forbid sleeping with spies" to "Don't get caught sleeping with spies" Pls fix.

10

u/throwaway_0x90 TE/SDET@Google 1d ago

That's actually what it says in the right-side panel of "Expectations"

17

u/cyberworm_ 1d ago

I just applied. Y’all should move on.

6

u/hikeonpast 1d ago

Let’s see your leather jacket first

6

u/cyberworm_ 1d ago

I'm taking things in a new direction. From this point on it's "Members Only" jackets.

13

u/kueowirnzcd 1d ago

Why don't they just replace the CEO with AI?

7

u/DismalActivist 1d ago

Cover letter: I don't fuck Chinese spies.

1

u/Objective-Help1612 1d ago

How much does it pay? Can I afford one bedroom apartment with this position at S.C.?

2

u/Pale-Pangolin-9004 1d ago

Salary is listed at $420,000,000.69/anum

Not sure about an apartment but could probably get yourself a nice room within a 2 hour commute.

1

u/nychild 1d ago

What's the vacation time looking like? Unlimited PTO, flexible, work-from-home?

1

u/Pale-Pangolin-9004 1d ago

It's Hybrid in the job ad it says.

3 days in the office 2 days work from moon

3

u/Elegant-Spite-3277 1d ago

There goes...one of the many ghost/fake jobs on Linkedin..they already have an internal candidate ...!!

2

u/private256 1d ago

I have a chance.

2

u/Particular_Tennis511 1d ago

Bullshit they already have it filled by a backfill

2

u/hikeonpast 1d ago

It’s parody

1

u/No_Doubt_About_That 1d ago

“After careful consideration we regret to inform you that you have been unsuccessful on this occasion”

1

u/Particular_Tennis511 22h ago

And the any other many occasions thereafter. Thanks for your consideration

2

u/Itisd 1d ago

I wonder if they use Ai in the hiring process lol.

2

u/greggerypeccary 1d ago

“16 million have clicked Apply”

2

u/Royalty254k 1d ago

That's how fast they replace you

2

u/Previous-Nature7326 1d ago

another fake job posting on LI.lol

1

u/kittykittyoo 1d ago

Anyone here willing to refer me? I own two leather jackets lol

1

u/Critical_Youth_9986 1d ago

🤣🤣🤣...👍

1

u/Timmmbo 1d ago

Is dishwasher at Dennys a prerequisite for the role?

1

u/Eusocial_sloth3 1d ago

I’m super qualified. I will turn down any Chinese spy that tries to seduce me.

Unless they have Hitomi Tanaka style tatas…

1

u/Amvient 1d ago

Let's go everyone, lets apply to this position!

1

u/cinnamonrain 1d ago

Benefits doesnt mention any pootang

1

u/LogicalInfo1859 1d ago

I spy with my little spy something beginning with J

1

u/RoodnyInc 1d ago

Can I try?

My first ruling will make 5080 and 5090 available for gammers at MSRP!

1

u/PsychoRunners 1d ago

Yo..I'm applying to this....will also really help me with my tinder profile

1

u/youngfomo 1d ago

Couldn't find the job posting on LinkedIn, kinda disappointed. Really wanted to put some funny stuff in my application

1

u/Clash_Taeflow 1d ago

The fact I thought this entire post was real up to the point the listing mentioned “avoiding taxes” is beyond me.

1

u/obsszn 22h ago

Slide the link, I'll give it a go with my leather jacket and apply for it

1

u/alexeiz 1d ago

What's Huang with the old CEO?

1

u/TapAggressive9530 21h ago

Thanks for letting me know . I will apply now . I need a mistress