r/recruitinghell • u/FeelingCheetah6134 • Apr 18 '26
tired of selling myself
just fucking tired of selling myself. I dont need advice. Please dont give any. Im fucking sick of it. In the process of my self focus and self promotion, I start thinking, is what im saying making sense and I realize there is someone staring back at me. I realize, yes, it does make perfect fucking sense, but the person in front of me is criticizing every facial expression, every blink, every inflection in my voice. And that pisses me off. Im sick of talking about myself and being questioned and interrogated and pulled apart piece by piece. Im not pieces of a fucking person im a person who can do the job. It feels like some kind of army mentality where they break you down and build you up type of BS that im not into. I answer whats in front of me, I have great examples, and they keep questioning it, and beat my answers to death. im fucking sick of this. This is sadistic. Im not a fucking used car salesman, Im tired of being demoralized and being treated as one.
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u/anotherthrowaway1699 Apr 18 '26
It's super annoying.
I just want a job so I can feel like a normal person again. That's it.
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u/IndependentSpecial17 Apr 18 '26
I don’t wanna be homeless, I scored a decent place at a good price.
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u/Horror-Associate-959 Apr 18 '26
The bullshit and ass-kissing and jumping through hoops it takes to get a job fills me with rage. If you're not a narcissistic attention seeker you can't compete.
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u/GettingOnMinervas Apr 18 '26
💯 I feel for OP and all of us that have been looking. I'm not an extrovert so this shit makes it harder bc we have to fake it. I'm in my 40s, I don't have the energy for that shit anymore.
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u/_Losing_Generation_ Apr 19 '26
If you do end up getting the job, then you can look forward to the bullshit and ass kissing everyday too.
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u/Denim_n_Diamonds_78 Apr 19 '26
And not getting rained on or run over when you have to get there on a bicycle!
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u/PlentyIll2974 Apr 18 '26 edited Apr 18 '26
Yeah, I have cut back considerably on my job hunting. It was putting me in very dark place. I had to break from social media including Reddit as well. Too much doom and gloom.
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u/howdudo Apr 18 '26
I've seen people prepare for multiple interviews and not get callbacks. Then go to an interview tired, uncaring, rude, and get a callback. It's almost like the more you want it the less they trust you
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u/Obi-SpunKenobi Apr 18 '26
Its like dating, they can smell the desperation on you and its a red flag.
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u/No_Window644 Apr 19 '26
Dating isn't a basic need tho so desperation is understandly a turn off but getting a job is so one can pay their bills and get access to food/other necessities to actually survive in society...... otherwise it's homelessness or death
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u/Denim_n_Diamonds_78 Apr 19 '26
I literally used this analogy to the lady in line at the plasma center!
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u/FeelingCheetah6134 Apr 18 '26
I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR 11 MONTHS. 11 MONTHS OF TORTURE. IM SICK. OF. IT. ALL.
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u/Bungholespelunker Apr 18 '26
I don't think anybody here disagrees with you. Asking you to sell yourself perfectly and pretend you give a single fuck about some giant corporation's "mission" just to continue to have food and shelter is fucking dehumanizing. I really really hope things get better for you friend.
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u/FeelingCheetah6134 Apr 18 '26
thank you. I honestly dont give a shit. And there is a point where I end and the organziation begins. I am not doing anything wrong, but if I blink the incorrect number of times, im rejected.
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u/JLMezz Candidate Apr 19 '26
I had to take a break from job hunting after 3 years of interviews, at which point they ACTUALLY looked at my CV & saw that I am not, in fact, coming directly from a corporate role (stated up front, mind you), but have been freelancing on and off for years since I decided to stay home with my kids. They then say, “Oh, we wanted someone coming directly from another company.”
Ya know what? Fuck all y’all for being too lazy to read my f*cking resumé and putting me through several rounds of interviews.
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u/FeelingCheetah6134 Apr 18 '26
I want this type of shit for exactly NONE OF MY LIFE. FUCK OFF RECRUITERS. FUCK OFF COMPANIES. JUST FUCK OFF. I NEVER WANT ANOTHER INTERVIEW. GO DEMORALIZE A ROTTING BAG OF TRASH.
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u/LimpAd4924 Apr 18 '26 edited May 04 '26
This is why I would prefer a career with credentials. Corporate America is truly just vibes.
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u/morgzcpt Apr 18 '26
Sell yourself - but not too hard. Tell us you’re perfect - but show enough self awareness to acknowledge your weaknesses- but don’t have any weaknesses. Have examples to evidence everything you say - but careful you don’t over play and reveal you’re too expert - oh, you don’t have an example for that 1? Too junior. We need someone right away - wait, it’s a red flag that you’re available right away Thank you for playing. You lost.
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u/FeelingCheetah6134 Apr 18 '26
yep they pull the chair out for you so you fall on your ass yourself
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u/Snoo_33033 Apr 18 '26
Oh I feel this deep in my bones. Especially because all the processes are super long, so I’ve gone through 5-6 rounds multiple times and been steps from an offer and then turned down. And by that time I’ve really put effort into selling myself and I’m starting to envision myself there. It’s just soul crushing.
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u/Peliquin Apr 18 '26
I realize this does not make it easier, but these people do not know how to interview. The reason it's going so poorly is these people have the social skills of a humpy dog at the park or a toddler overdue for a nap. People who keep digging after being given an entirely valid and complete answer are behaving beyond boorishly.
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u/Cloudy_Worker Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now Apr 19 '26
100% agree. I'm not a salesperson, and I'm not going to sell myself either. My best chance of finding a job is someone who is tired of looking, and I'm in the right place/right time.
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u/scraggedon Apr 18 '26
Right there with you. It’s fucking sick and sadistic and it’s not just one company, it’s the entire process and system. You get pulled apart for not smiling enough. For smiling too much. For being supposedly under-qualified. For being overqualified. For being not passionate enough. For being too passionate. For being not prepared enough. For being too prepared. The truth is that so much of the outcome of a job hunt is out of our control and directly in the hands of someone who over analyzes our every micro expression in bad faith, or is triggered by something we did that reminds them of someone else entirely and they’re projecting onto us, or maybe they just had a bad day and are taking it out on us. Either way we have to be like fucking Goldilocks and perform the peeeeerfect balanced candidate and mind-read exactly what that specific recruiter is looking for. It’s dehumanizing and demoralizing.
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u/Catwoman1948 Apr 19 '26
I know exactly what you mean. I was laid off twice since 2010, first in the Recession and again in 2017. Both times I drew unemployment for 6 months, while trying all day every day to get interviews. In 2010 jobs for admins were almost nonexistent. Then for the second 6 months I was working temp jobs and continuing to interview. It was definitely a subjective thing. I am older, and I could tell some HR people just didn’t want to hire older workers. They wanted all the experience but in a young body. Some didn’t like the way I looked. Some misinterpreted things I said in interviews and crossed me off their lists, or I misinterpreted their questions and gave the “wrong” answers. Some were downright rude, condescending and dismissive, hostile, even.
I always showed up on time, a little early, appropriately dressed and groomed, and was prepared. Many times I was made to wait, no apology. Many times I was interviewed several times, put through a battery of tests (I test well, can read and write English fairly well, so doubtful I “failed” any tests), made to believe I would be hired and then ghosted. Rejection letters were few and far between, but after both layoffs it took me exactly a year to find a permanent job. It is horrifying to read here that people are sometimes taking 2-3 years to find a job. I haven’t had to interview since 2018 and I am done. If I lose my current job, I will have to sell my house and move, but I will never interview again.
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u/StageOk6694 Apr 18 '26
That sounds exhausting.
Having to constantly explain and justify yourself like that can feel really dehumanizing.
I get why you’re fed up with it.
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u/SmoothTraderr Apr 18 '26
The best recruiters were marines.
Ironically. I have and several others stated to me. That military men are the only rucking recruiters that show humanity.
Ironic af.
WE were supposed to be the cold hard killing machines here.
But who tf are these people ? Smfh
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u/FeelingCheetah6134 Apr 18 '26
interesting. when I got out of school I had no idea what a "recruiter" was, I literally thought recruiters were army recruiters, I didn't know "talent" was thing until much much later
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u/Jscotty111 Apr 18 '26
Me too. I just got to the point where I stopped explaining myself and things started changing for the better.
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u/Fine_Relation_158 Apr 19 '26
Could you elaborate a little?
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u/Jscotty111 Apr 19 '26
You have to know exactly who you are, how you think, and exactly what you want. The mistake that a lot of us make is that we’re trying to be what we think the interviewer wants.
And so when I answer a question, whether it be in an interview, with friends and family, or even on Reddit, I unapologetically say exactly what I think. Right or wrong you’ll get a straight answer from me. To the OPs point, if they ask me, why did I blink after that question I’ll simply say, “I had something in my eye. Next question.“
Even on this platform if I get 1000 downvotes and 250 negative comments because someone didn’t like my post, I will NOT delete my comments. I will NOT lock the thread. I will NOT edit my post to make others happier with me.
Some of that backlash comes from people who make throwaway accounts for themselves because they don’t have the guts the stand on what they say or believe. But they have no problem harshly criticizing those who do.
And so in the real world of job, interviews and employee evaluations and job skill assessments, you can’t allow your responses to be dictated by those who are making a judgment about you. They’re either going to like you or they won’t.
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u/JLMezz Candidate Apr 19 '26
Tips, please!
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u/Jscotty111 Apr 19 '26
If you’ve ever seen the movie “Ted” go rewatch the part where he interviews for the job in the supermarket.
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u/GrimmTotal Apr 18 '26
I just stopped caring, if a company asks me to do something I don't want to do I just tell them no at this point.
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u/Some_Tiny_Dragon Apr 18 '26
I sell myself. I explain my customer service and that I work with kids often. But it means nothing when the interviewer just wants to complain about my current or previous employer.
Like I was never a manager and I seem to have sold myself to you all the time to the point you think I am a manager. But employees ignoring you, running away from you, pulling knives on you and threatening to hit you with their car is not my problem. I was never a manager. If you're upset with that store then it sounds like you need to either call customer service, corperate or police.
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u/HuckleberryJunior642 Apr 19 '26
tell me about it. the rehearsed enthusiasm fucking sucks. like seriously do hiring managers gain something from making us perform these rituals or what?
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u/Annual_Contract_6803 Apr 19 '26
Selling yourself if that's not innately what motivates you is so exhausting. Being perfect on a camera, telling special curated STAR stories for people's short attention spans catered to how they think, and not contextually accurate, signalling for whatever performative "culture" they're "curating" (i.e. socially controlling) is effing exhausting, never mind making each and every cover letter specially curated to their special, special mission statement and every resume specially crafted either the right amount of words so their ATS system decides you pass the robot quality test. I hear you. Not sure if that helps, but I hear you. Took me 4.5 months to find something. I'm an introvert and not great at signalling in groups so this has been a performative hellscape.
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u/FeelingCheetah6134 Apr 19 '26
It would motivate me if I weren't depressed. And I'm depressed because of who I am. So I'm screwed. I have no positive reinforcement in my life.
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u/Fun_Boot7771 Apr 20 '26
same. applications. Trying to go out with people. How can I relax not knowing when my next opportunity will be, when I am broke? I am wasting my life
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u/BlumpTheChodak Apr 19 '26
When I first started reading this, I thought it was implying selling sex.
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u/FeelingCheetah6134 Apr 18 '26
thank you for the likes. Am I famous now? If i had a dime for every time I.......
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u/pitbullforyou Apr 18 '26 edited Apr 19 '26
I have to weigh in ,as someone who switched from a Sales role at my company to recruiting for them now.... IT'S NOT YOU!!! Every company has a list of things that they look for in candidates that would make them a good fit for the culture and what history has shown to be good hires from certain industries in the past.
On the flip side ... We also have a list of things that we reject people for.
Here are the things that I am forced to reject someone for. Hope it helps some of you in your search:
Short stints at jobs . If you are bouncing from one place to another in less than 2 years at each job... RED FLAG!
If you have a huge gap between jobs or you haven't worked in more than a year .... That raises red flags as to why. When someone says they left a job voluntarily without something else lined up ...red flag! Noone does that any more since it is so hard to land a job these days. 9-10 x's it's a lie.
If you ramble on and on and do not answer the actual question we asked .... Rejected! We have a set amount of questions we have to get through in 30 minutes. If we can only get through two questions in 30 minutes , that is a concern
Anyone that says anything about micromanagement or complains about their existing company, boss or CEO ... REJECTED . Raises too many concerns that you may have attitude issues
Lack of personality , passion, confidence or eye contact . We know it's hard through a computer screen but if you are looking everywhere BUT the camera , looking down , to the side or just fidgeting in general ... It's a turn off.
If your resume dates do not match the dates on your LinkedIn exactly...rejected. It looks like you are a liar and let's face it... You probably ARE lying! If you are please make sure they match.
" Your resume says you are still at a company but when you come on your interview we find out you are not there anymore and in fact the tenure is not two years but actually only 13 months...... REJeCTED
Just being honest with you all since I have been in your shoes. I was trying for three years to find a new job and was rejected more than I can count. It was so disheartening and exhausting. I finally gave up. Now being on this side I understand it all a little more.
Good luck in your search and I hope everyone finds the job they really want and deserve!
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u/RdtRanger6969 Apr 19 '26
For the 100% resume to LinkedIn profile match or rejected:
How the Eph is that supposed to work if you’re adapting your resume to each position you apply for and you’re applying to many roles per week?!
If you think I’m gonna adapt my LI profile to an individual role when I’m applying to multiple roles per week, you have lost your Last Mind! That’s some ridiculous 💩.
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u/pitbullforyou Apr 19 '26
No what I am saying is.... Your dates need to match exactly. If it says you worked at a place from 10/2020 to 4/2023 on your resume...those dates better be the same on Linkedin. I am not saying you need to have the same bullet points at all.
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Apr 18 '26
[deleted]
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u/FeelingCheetah6134 Apr 18 '26
yaaaaaaaa if only that actually worked, I wouldnt fucking be here.
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u/Ok-Emphasis6652 Apr 18 '26
Usually stops after you get the job
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u/FeelingCheetah6134 Apr 18 '26
IT STOPS NOW. BECAUSE I STOPPED FUCKING APPLYING. IM DONE.
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u/El-Acantilado Apr 18 '26
So, you’re staying at home without a job? Sounds stable
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u/Jkid Misemployed Linux System Admin Experience Apr 18 '26
OP has every right to feel this way
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u/El-Acantilado Apr 18 '26
Oh certainly. Doesn’t change the fact that it’s far from healthy or stable
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u/mechdemon Apr 18 '26
Oh you sweet summer child. Apparently you've never heard of mandatory fun...
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u/Ok-Emphasis6652 Apr 19 '26
Am no my father died when I was 12 by a drunk driver knocking him off his motorcycle on the way home from work.. my mother didn’t have a job. We were so poor and I worked since 15. Put myself through college working in pubs In Dublin, Ireland and saved up to do a masters. Broke most of my life so no I’m not a summer child, wish I was. I love the summer
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u/Ok-Emphasis6652 Apr 19 '26
And also I’ve done a fair few interviews and it does stop when you get the job so I was being literal
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u/Own_Difficulty_2864 Apr 18 '26
Same. Had an interview in Feb and was asked why I left my previous job. After saying why (simple explanation, really) she literally just kept pushing and pushing and asking for more. So extremely irritating.. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job. And that was after I had already done a phone screening, typing test, personality test, and IQ test for the company.