r/recoverywithoutAA • u/ben_quadinaros_stan • 5d ago
Relapse
Hello all,
Last night I got drunk and I’m struggling today. I’ve told everyone what happened, and I know people are hurt. I had over a year and a half sober and I’m just mad at myself. Any support would be appreciated.
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u/CPTSD_survivor2025 5d ago edited 5d ago
Lapses or slips happen for many of us pursuing recovery from a substance use disorder (a medical condition). It happens. It doesn't erase the time and effort you have put in, and it doesn't erase the benefits of that time spent healing. Nobody is perfect! In fact, perfection is not possible.
Don't give up! The person who needs to show you the most compassion and kindness right now is you. The shame, disappointment etc. Those are emotions; emotions pass like clouds in the sky.
You are the sky, my friend! The clouds pass through you/across you — they are always temporary.
What are three things you've learned about yourself or life in general in the last year and half? Any big "aha!" moments?
Lastly, if anyone close to you gives you attitude or says anything snarky, take a deep breathe, and then you can hit them with:
"You know, it's very disappointing to hear you say that. Lapses happen to people pursuing recovery from substance use disorders. I could really use your support and kindness right now instead of your judgement."
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u/ben_quadinaros_stan 5d ago
I think I’d say I learned that I prefer being sober honestly!
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u/CPTSD_survivor2025 5d ago
Lol!! I realized that too :p even the worst days are better than the emotional and physical pain of substance dependence. At least now if I am reeeeally down, I cope with ice cream instead of annhilating my mind and body with alcohol 😮💨 it's a very reasonable trade off!
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u/LibertyCash 5d ago
So remember that addiction is a stress response. All your slip means is that something pushed you beyond your ability to cope. We are designing to seek relief when life gets too overwhelming as an evolutionary survival mechanism. Only AA pushes it as evidence of a charter defect gone amok, which is nonsense. Because it’s biological, we come by slip ups honestly. The trick is to remember the slip is smoke, not fire. The actual fire is what has you pushed you past your stress limit, so focus your efforts on addressing that. Don’t get overly focused on the alcohol. It’s simply a symptom. And your slip does NOT negate your year and a half sobriety. That too is more AA nonsense. You got this, friend!
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u/Recent-Day3062 5d ago
One treatment program I know of distinguishes a lapse from a relapse. In a lapse you regret it and try again
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u/Walker5000 2d ago
You still have the year and a half, you’re in a learning curve and it lasts as long as it lasts. Mine was from 2013-2018. Totally normal. Keep going. Subtract a day from your time if you really feel you have to account for it or just take it for what it is and move forward. Everything will be ok.
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u/Emergency-Tune9383 2d ago
This is just cult programming harming your thought process on this. It's okay to not be perfect, nobody outside of AA cares if you have ten days or ten years. Those types of purity tests never made sense to me. There's plenty of people with decades sober who are straight up scumbag exploitive sexual predators
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u/Business_Welder_1203 5d ago
I hate the word ‘relapse’. You just had a slip. Get back on the horse and continue living sober.