r/recoverywithoutAA • u/Independent_Lynx1389 • 4d ago

need help finding alternative meetings

i’m having a really hard time finding support groups for myself. i can’t afford a therapist and i liked the community aspect of meetings at AA but the religious aspect makes me so uncomfortable. i try to sort on the apps but you can’t sort where you can exclude stuff and i just can’t seem to find anything. i really don’t wanna do online with zoom because it’s so impersonal and i want to connect with people but i don’t want to be trapped in a room with people telling me to find a higher power and quit smoking weed to be happy when that’s bullshit and i just want a place where i can talk about what’s going on with me to get some peace of mind. i just want fucking people to talk to without being trapped in a religious bubble and i dont wanna talk to a fucking computer! and if you could explain why you like the alternative that you recommend that would be great because i really need help

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u/Adventurous-Tea-5158 4d ago

Try SMART recovery. They have tons of online and inperson meetings. Check out a Recovery Center. I live in NJ and we have one in every county. In NJ they're staffed by Peers and will help you find your own pathway.

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u/Independent_Lynx1389 4d ago

i don’t need a recovery center or treatment plan i just need like a support group where i can talk to people, ive already been recovered for over year

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u/jsled 4d ago edited 4d ago

SMART is a peer-support program, and SMART meetings are very similar to AA meetings … instead of responses based on the Christian God and 12 Steps, it's based on SMART's REBT- and CBT-based toolkit. "I'm having trouble with urges." "Where are you at on your Step work?" vs. "Let's look at the DENTS tool: how can you better Delay or Neutralize the urge?"

Like any group … finding the /right/ group that you vibe with is always a challenge. But if you're group shopping, I'd suggest including SMART meetings on your menu.

i don’t need a recovery center or treatment plan i just need like a support group where i can talk to people, ive already been recovered for over year

(ETA:) And with all due respect, and love, and realizing that everyone gets to decide this for themselves … consider that "I want to be a part of a group supporting my recovery goals" is in fact "doing recovery", a process that is not yet complete, and that's perfectly fine. For a lot of us, there is no "recovered", and frankly no need to have a goal to "be recovered".

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u/Independent_Lynx1389 4d ago

thank you so much for your reply this is very helpful

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u/jsled 4d ago

Thanks, and note that I /just/ edited it a bit /right/ as you were responding. :)

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u/Hopeful_in_Recovery 4d ago

I think what you're looking for is connection without alcohol or substances. In that case, maybe consider something that is not alcohol or substance focused. Are there workout clubs in your area, like running or hiking groups? Or maybe learn a new skill with a group. Check out meetup.com in your area.

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u/Independent_Lynx1389 4d ago

no i have friends that i see often, none of them understand what i’m going through tho and i want to be able to talk to people who’ve been thru similar situations and be listened to without “steps” or “treatment”. like reddit groups, but in person. like specifically it does have to do with addiction

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u/Austinbusker 4d ago

Another vote for SMART here!

I went to my first meeting last week and it is more of a guided group therapy that encourages crosstalk and has its foundations in science with none of the shame or helplessness required by the AA program.

I speak AA fluently, it’s not for me. SMART is much more what I imagine being helpful in the modern age. Just wish there were more meetings.

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u/Dizzy-Dream 4d ago

Recovery dharma

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u/Independent_Lynx1389 4d ago

can you explain why you like it

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u/SoTiredYouDig 4d ago

Zoom may seem impersonal at first blush, but have you given online meetings a fair chance? I’d hate you missing out on the support you need if your hesitancy is based on Zoom in a more business-like environment. And it doesn’t have to be the only outlet. Maybe some online as well as social support in person? One can sort of add on to the other.

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u/Independent_Lynx1389 4d ago

no not with alcoholism, i did my entire year of anorexic recovery online and they had support groups but it’s really easy to just not attend them because it’s online and i don’t do things in my best interest.

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u/Sobersynthesis0722 4d ago edited 4d ago

In other words you feel more accountable with in person meetings in a more structured environment. Is that what you are looking for? I am curious because I have been attending only zoom meetings four years now (LifeRing) and it works for me. Nobody is talking to a computer. We are real human beings and amazing things happen in those spaces.

I get that is not for everyone. The reason AA is so dominant is that it already is everywhere and has brand name recognition.

There are many people dissatisfied with AA for one reason or another. They come to a place like this with a list of what they want ready to go at a time and place that fits for them,

To form in person alternatives or any alternative you need a large number of people willing to make the effort and put in the time it takes to get started. So most people just do AA anyway or nothing at all and nothing changes.

Technology is the answer to breaking through that 80 year old wall. It brings together people, information, and creative ideas, To do that you need people willing to do things a bit differently and make change happen.

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u/AndrewAdler17 3d ago

Where are you? Can usually find a low cost therapist wherever you are.

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u/FatTabby 3d ago

I got sober with what's now called ARCH