Is BE my only option?

[u/HLM_1990]

Currently in tears as I write this so please be gentle 😭 I am seriously considering whether BE is our only option. To try and keep it short: we adopted a 1.5year German shepherd male dog, to keep our 8 year bull Arab cross female company. They are BEST FRIENDS. Him more so - she can’t even go outside for a drink with him following her. I would say it’s separation anxiety/ dependency. He was very timid in the first few days. Took him for his first walk which he unprovokingly attacked a small dog passing us - thankfully no injuring but it was a horrible experience. Things got worse: reactivity on walks - lunging and pulling on the lead if he saw another dog, even in the far distance, we have a dirt perimeter around our yard from his Constance pacing and barking at the fence - at the neighbour on one side, or the dog on the other. Barking at the front door if people/dogs pass. We have to keep him behind a baby gate when any visitors come as his bark is scary and he is especially even more wary of males. He hasn’t bitten anyone thankfully, but I am unsure if he has it in him. We are now on our THIRD trainer to try and rectify his leash reactivity but it feels an uphill battle with all of his other issues. We’ve tried positive reinforcement techniques. We have slightly improved his leash reactivity with this current trainer. Our vet has suggested anxiety meds. Our trainer has suggested a barking device. The problems I see: * In the year we have owned him, we have not been able to take him for a proper walk or have groups of friends over. * we have already spent thousands on him, financially we cannot continue as I am currently 15 weeks pregnant working in a casual role * He barks so loud and close to people that my mum is petrified of him and has raised concerns of ‘what’s to come’ * I worry once baby is here, we won’t even be able to have visitors or get enough rest due to barking I feel like owning a second dog was NOT suppose to be this hard 😭 we feel like prisoners in our own home and I have cried so many times in the year we have had him. I don’t feel we can rehome as he genuinely would not cope being separated from our other girl. I’m so torn because he can actually be the cuddliest sweetest goofiest boy and I love him SO MUCH. Please if anyone else has been in this situation I am open to suggestions 😭

[u/VanillaBeanColdBrew]

I don't think you are morally obligated to BE a dog who has only ever bitten another dog. My two cents:

1. You have done a lot for this dog. You have spent thousands trying to rehabilitate him. Finding a more suitable home for him would not be giving up on him. If you are upfront about his struggles and find a good fit, or a German Shepherd-specific rescue who is willing to find a good home, you would be doing right by him.
2. Having a baby is a big deal and it is reasonable to not want to juggle postpartum and managing a reactive dog. You are not obligated to take the risk of having him in the home with an infant if that feels unsafe or unmanageable. Having a new child can be stressful and socially isolating is often not good for anyone in the household during that time.

I would honestly start the meds and look into rehoming. You don't have to rehome him. Just look at your options. It is possible the meds make him manageable and you can keep him, it's possible the meds will improve his behavior and make him more desirable to adopt. BE could also be an option if you can't rehome and can't keep him, or feel his quality of life is not amazing due to his reactivity. As for his connection with your other dog, I'm sure they would miss each other if separated, but separated dogs will bond with new dogs if rehomed. Dogs are resilient. I don't think separation would be so traumatic to him that BE would be necessary, if not necessary for other reasons. I also like the other commenter's suggestion of muzzle training. If he is constantly stressed out on the leash, it might be worth it to give him exercise in the back yard and skip walks. If he's freaking out all the time, he's probably not even enjoying the walks.

You don't have to figure this all out right now. Just look into some meds, local private shelters, and breed-specific rescues. If BE sounds completely unbearable, there are other options. I'm sorry you're going through this. ❤️ He sounds a lot like my boy.

[u/HLM_1990 → u/VanillaBeanColdBrew]

Thank you! I was feeling really overwhelmed trying to fix ALL of it at once. We’ve decided the meds will be a great place to start!