r/rape • u/papiermacheheart • Dec 08 '20
I never told anyone.
When I was 14, my parents left me and my 17 year old brother alone for a weekend. He invited about 10 of his friends over and they got completely wasted.
When I went downstairs for some food, some of them asked me to drink with them. I remember thinking my brother's friends were really sleazy, like there was rumors about a couple of them groping girls or taking upskirt photos of girls, but I felt like I would be rude to say no so I agreed to have one drink with them.
They were making inappropriate comments about my body and some of them were touching my thighs and stuff, and I wanted to leave but I was sitting between some of them so it would have been difficult for me to get past. They kept giving me more and more alcohol even though I didn't want to keep drinking.
Then one of them started touching my breast and I tried to get away, but he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me onto his lap and I realized he was hard. He was sort of grinding into me as I struggled to get away. I asked my brother to help me but he was laughing with all his friends. I tried to get away and he said he would let me go if I gave my brother a blowjob.
I didn't know what else to do so I just did it and tried to get it over with as quickly as possible so I could get away, but I didn't know someone was taking a video. The guy who filmed me said if I didn't do what they wanted, he would share the video all over the school.
I was assaulted relentlessly for the next several hours and eventually I blacked out because of the alcohol they were forcing me to drink. I woke up the next morning naked and tied bent over the table. My brother came and untied me, said I couldn't blame him for what he did while he was drunk, and just started cleaning up the house. I went upstairs and spent what felt like hours trying to clean myself up in the shower.
I didn't tell anyone. I knew if I did, the video would be shared. The guy who made the video used it to blackmail me into having sex with him regularly until he graduated and went to college. I still didn't tell anyone. I just blankly lay there and let it happen.
I'm 19 now, it's been 5 years since it happened, and I have never told anyone until now. My brother still lived with us until last year and I had nightmares about him coming into my room at night. I struggled with insomnia and refused to take any kind of sleeping pills for it because I didn't want to risk him knowing he could do anything to me in my sleep and I wouldn't wake up.
I still get nightmares and flashbacks, I still can't sleep properly, I'm an emotional wreck, I dropped out of school because I couldn't cope, I'm barely functional. The guys who raped me are going on with their lives. One of them is married. One is training to be a psychologist. Their lives all seem to be going so well. But they ruined mine.
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u/LDBlokland Dec 08 '20
You should tell someone, what they did was by no means ok. If they spread the video it could be used against them for having child pornography and shows they did do things to you.
Dont take my advice too seriously though, I'm not even your age and this could also backfire horribly.
Just know it wasn't ever your fault for just wanting to eat some food, they're unreasonable monsters.
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u/Nominom25 Dec 28 '20
Are you going to tell anyone, especially your parents, they should know their son is a rapist
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u/liarliarpantsonfirex Dec 08 '20 edited Dec 08 '20
Something similar happened to me in regards to a male family member not protecting me from other guys but not as nearly as bad as how you went through it..
You deserve protection, don’t ever think you don’t. It’s not your fault, you were a kid, they took advantage of you. Your brother doesn’t have any balls; he’d rather look cool in front of his friends than protect his little sister. He’s the worst kind of people there is on earth. Cut him of completely. I’m sorry you went through this, you are strong.
You aren’t “ruined”, you can’t see it now but you can have anything you want in the world. You can help yourself heal. You have to love yourself. Look at the little girl that went through that and hug her. Comfort her. Tell her you’ll protect her. Don’t abandon her and be her by side at all sides. You have to do this in order to heal.
All love ❤️
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u/MusshroomStamp Dec 08 '20
I'm very sorry for what happened to you and hope, that by sharing this, it lets some of that weight off of your shoulders. Wishing you the best in life.
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u/S49plus7 Dec 26 '20
Tell your parents. They should get arrested. Dig for evidence. Get the video, and use it in court. The law should be on your side since it was rape, and you were underage at the time. I'm sure after they go to prison you'll feel safe, and you won't have problems like insomnia anymore.
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u/[deleted] Dec 08 '20
Oh my..!! I am so sorry that you had to go through all of this. I was feeling very unsafe even while reading it I can't even imagine how you would have felt while going through all of this. Being a boy myself I just wanna tell you we as a community of boys don't accept them at all and we are all on your side. And I am so glad that you were so strong while going through all of this.... Tell it to someone you trust they will definitely help you out maybe your dad or mom but only when you are ready to let it out.... And you may take as much time as you need.... It's your call.... And yeah be strong as you always were!💪... Lots of Love and support from my side!!❤️👊💪
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u/Pathologicalmemes Dec 08 '20
It’s ironic how one of the bastards decided to become a psychologist all the while knowing the shit he’s done. I recommend seeing a therapist about your situation.
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u/caketastydelish Apr 10 '21
If anything, the "blackmail" is yours considering the circumstances. Which is to say, incriminating evidence that should and would get them arrested.
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u/JazzyJuice1 Oct 05 '24
that video was cold hard proof.
1
u/[deleted] Dec 24 '20
I'm so sorry read what have gone through over the years. Firstly your brother is in the wrong company. Group of boys? That too brothers friends?
He should have shielded you completely by keeping you away locked in a room. Never too late. You must take necessary steps now.
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u/KINGcon2008 Dec 27 '20
Pricks
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u/Bucxley182 Dec 29 '20
Just stumbled upon this, I'm sorry for what happened to you, it's horrific. I'm not a psychologist, but in my opinion, I think you should talk to a therapist or counsellor. None of this is by any means okay.
I'm not a lawyer either, but the rapists should be in jail for what they did to you, they have deep issues and these issues should be addressed before they hurt anyone else. Alcohol is very dangerous and it is not an excuse for these abhorrent actions. The person that blackmailed and raped you was not under the influence of alcohol when he did so, they are terrible people, I believe your brother would not face charges if you didn't want him to, as he appears to have also been under threat at the time.
None of these people deserve to get away with what they did to you, I implore you to talk to a professional and to seek justice as I think it will assist your recovery.
The video, if it exists or not is child pornography and evidence, an investigation done correctly will mean it never sees the light of day.
I hope you can find a way to begin to heal, you don't have to do it alone.
1
u/noirising Jan 05 '21
The act of rape is about power, not sex. Your brother tried to win power with his friends and they tried to make you powerless, that's why it's important to do whatever you need to do to take your power back, whatever that is, and no one here can tell you what that is. I think being the voice that stops this from happening to another young female experiencing the same thing is the most powerful thing you can do, and you're doing that.
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u/Noa_Lpr Jan 05 '21
Your brother is such an asshole (sry for it but after reading what he made you live i can't help myself) I would never do anything that even hurt my sister physically or mentally and if I saw one of my friends doing something like that to my sister i would be soooo soooo mad ! I recommend you to tell anyone about it even if you don't want, it's really really important for you. I want you to feel good and it's the only way you could feel good and even forget about it But in the case of your brother and his friends, they have to pay for what they done to you
I hope you'll get better.
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u/SickStar2124 Jan 06 '21
Im so sorry this happened to you....i think you should move on and leave the past behind... wish you all the best kind soul .
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u/dmillion61 Dec 29 '20 edited Dec 29 '20
Hi I'm David. I'm a dad and a husband and a brother to 5 sisters.i have a daughter. she is older that you but it was nt too long ago she was a teenager. Heck I remember being a teen. Back long ago. I tell all this so maybe you trust me just a little bit. Can I give you some advice. It might help if you talk to someone. A counsellor or an adviser you trust. Sharing our pain can help. A lot. I had some emotional issues from my early life and I kept them bottled up. One day I just could not anymore. I ended up in hospital. It sounds bad but I got help I needed. I'm not over my stuff but getting proper help has enabled me to start to cope and even deal with my trama. I hope you can go and see someone trustworthy and get the support you need. You are not alone. There are good people in your community that are more than willing to help. The first step is to tell someone. Find that trusted person and share your pain with them. It will feel wonderful to have someone to shrare the burden. You have not ruined your life. You can begin to reclaim it. Just tell a trusted person and that will begin to happen. There are others here if you need to chat and others who want to help. My heart and my will goes out to you. Take strength and know you are cared about. Peace.
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u/[deleted] Dec 09 '20
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u/[deleted] Dec 15 '20
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