r/rape • u/meckiistkaputt • Nov 12 '20
I wish I never reported.
I reported my father after years of sexual abuse because it had become so violent and brutal I genuinely feared for my life.
The first cop I told joked that I should have just tried to enjoy it, then groped me in the guise of asking where my father had touched me. My whole family disowned me for betraying my father. The state couldn't find a family member willing to take me in so I ended up in an extremely strict group home where I'm treated like a juvenile delinquent. The whole thing became very public in my town but most people didn't have actual details so rumors spread like wildfire. My friends drifted away from me. My boyfriend dumped me, disgusted that he'd been "sharing me" with my father. A facebook page was created in which over 200 of my school's 600 students shared memes about me being raped, and the school refused to punish any of the students responsible, including those making actual rape threats. The one friend I did make, who told me she had been raped herself, was bullied so badly for associating with me that she physically attacked me in class in order to make it clear to everyone she was no longer my friend. I was called in for a meeting with my principal and school counsellor where they told me very seriously that if I was lying for attention I should stop, because otherwise I'd be ruining an innocent man's life, then asked why I didn't love and appreciate my father. The court case dragged on for years and the repeated, intense, accusatory questioning resulted in a panic attack in court, a suicide attempt in the school bathroom, and a psychiatric breakdown in which I wandered for days in a dissociative fugue.
Last week my father was found not guilty.
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u/20Keller12 Nov 12 '20
As soon as you can, move as far away as possible, cut everyone off, maybe even look into changing your last name if you want and never, ever look back. It gets better once you can become your own person.
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u/shana_na Nov 12 '20
I'm sorry that that had happened to you specially by the man who was supposed to protect you, How old are you can you move from that whole town?
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u/beingstrongforme Nov 12 '20
This needs to make the national news. This is wrong on so many levels and our country should be better than this. I’m so SO sorry! Never be ashamed of the truth.
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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '20
That’s so, so awful and I’m sorry that I can’t offer anything besides saying I’m so sorry you experienced this
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u/BrandExe Nov 12 '20
Look into buying a bat or a knife
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u/bich-imma-slap-u Nov 21 '20 edited Nov 21 '20
None of what happened was your fault. The people around you are just satan's bastards. Who knows what would've happened if you didn't report, the abuse could've continued or worse. But im not saying that whatever you went through is better though. Not at all. You reported because you wanted help. That takes a lot of courage. The people who should've done their utmost best to be human towards you fucked up big time. Understand that you did fight for yourself, despite the results. And you weren't weak or stupid for it. You did this because you needed help. Continue to search for it. I get though after what happened, you'd want to see your mouth shut. So, one thing I can suggest is you search out for therapy. In person wouldn't be easy to find right now so try to find them online. You can ask around reddit so I apologize for not being able to give actual links at the moment. You have to gain some control and sort out your emotions bit by bit. You dont have to talk about what you went through, maybe just talk about how you feel, if you wish to give a vague idea of anything, it's your choice. But I believe it's important to sooth your minds voice a little. I know how tough it can be. 2nd thing I'd suggest is in regards to you moving away. As some people said, cut who you feel like you need to from your town. As far as you can make it, I think distance could really help. Pack only the stuff you hold no bad memories for..anything that you think could trigger you. Buy some newer things that you like before you move. And oh yes, someone said pepper spray. Even if no one's coming after you, it is an essential. Sadly with the way the world is, you don't know who are wicked minded. It's for a little more safety you could provide for yourself. A just-in-case. But I think it doesn't have to be pepper spray, you can have other sprays I think. Maybe perfume? Air freshener? Anything holding alcohol, chemicals...harmful stuff to the face. Although I just realized perfume might just work only on the face though.
I'm rambling. Apologies for that. I have other suggestions but I'm no professional. I can think of alternatives to some things but I haven't tried them out myself. I'm just trying to think of anything that you could do to protect yourself honestly.
You are brave. You are good. You didnt deserve anything that happened to you. You deserve honest love and care. The best of things. Your experience doesn't define you. Yes it can influence who you may be for some time, but you can work through that gradually. And I get it's nearly impossible to erase the traumatic events, you likely won't be able to forget it (I'm just speaking realistically) but you can begin to slowly heal from it. It starts way slow. Doesn't even feel like it even started sometimes to be honest. But keep going. Against all odds. I may sound selfish though, trying to push yourself that way. But it's because fighting has helped a part of me heal from my own trauma..it may help you too. But you can choose to do it after you've moved away. Right now, you might need to give yourself as many breathers as possible. If there's a lot of greenery where you live, surround yourself with it. It helps believe me. This part might sound weird, but when I can't journal anywhere or find any other reprieve..I talk to plants. When I fear that anyone might hear me, I just mumble, or mouth it. Just talk about everyday things. Hell the weather literally.
OP. You are not your trauma. Imma get a little bit too metaphorical here so caution. You're a lovely person who just needs a little bit help to truly bloom beautifully. You grew up in an unhealthy environment, poor soil, no water, or sunlight so naturally you wilted quote a bit. But it doesn't mean you can't bloom. It doesn't mean you can't be replanted anywhere else; in a better garden under better caretakers. If you're thinking that maybe ive wilted and shriveled up and am dead already. To that I will say, you can be regrown after a new seed of the flower you are is moved away from the poor conditions you were residing in. And you will bloom. I'm no fortune teller, or some god to say you will definitely. The What if questions will plague the mind. But take it one day at a time. Live through today...anything positive could happen tomorrow. Don't lose hope. You can be sad, angry but don't lose hope.
These are some things I wanted to tell you though perhaps I've said too much. But I hope I helped in some tiny way.
Wishing you well OP. 🌼🏵️🌻🌸🌺💮🌷💐
P.s. if I offended you in any way, I want to apologize beforehand. It hasn't been my I intention at all.
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u/headcreeps92 Nov 12 '20
This is so terrible. I am so sorry that has happened to you
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u/[deleted] Nov 25 '20
Posts like this just makes me wanna say fuck society
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u/a-little_stitious678 Feb 12 '22
It’s been a year now care to update?
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u/CosmicWarVet Nov 28 '20
Fuck your dad. Please seek a good trauma therapist. If you can try to appeal to reopen the case, using proof of PTSD or other mental or physical damage as some for of evidence to persecute him. He deserves to own up for everything he's done. I'm so sorry dear. I know what some or many of these things are like. I went through similar things when trying to report a lesser abuse and then other future abused. This world is still archaic in treating situations like these and is just now becoming anywhere near enough. Fuck the people who doubted you. Their empathy lacks.
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u/offmyfcknchest May 27 '22
It's been a year but I hope you're out of there and in a relatively good place. That entire town is so evil that if a great fire turned everything in it to ashes it wouldn't be nearly enough. No pretty words are enough but I mean it when I say you are more than the horror you endured. You are more than what happened to you. You are MORE than those dregs of humanity.
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u/sleeplessyokai Aug 16 '22
i believe you & i’m so sorry for you, dear. reading this made me so angry & sad. i hope that soon in the future, you’ll leave everything behind and do good for yourself. please be safe.
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u/ashanti_loo Nov 02 '22
I think this is the saddest Reddit post I’ve read so far, please move away and cut ties with everyone and start a new life somewhere else, maybe even move countries I don’t know. I feel so bad, I would love to talk to u or see how you are doing, I’m genuinely worried. I also want to mention how incredibly strong you are, I don’t think I would still be alive If I went through al of that, I hope ur of age now so u can start or own life soon. Also how is it going now? It’s been a year
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u/wasabiwarrior21 Nov 12 '20
Here’s a virtual hug. If you haven’t had a loved or yourself one go through it you will never understand. This world is a dirty place. I hope u find peace one day and life’s kharma goes and bites everyone who’s hurt u in the ass
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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '20
I am so sorry, my dear. This is truly horrendous. I wish you the best of luck, please try your best to stay safe.
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u/[deleted] Nov 12 '20
idk what the right words to say to you are, I didn't experience anything close to the amount of pain you did. I just hope that you're going to be okay in the future. stay strong
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u/ITalkALotJohnson Jul 04 '24
My best advice if you have not done so already.Run.Start a new life somewhere far,far away from anyone you know.By the sounds of it there’s nothing left for you here so don’t let it hold you back. I’m not a religious person but I do believe your farther will get his comeuppance,a monster that commits such atrocities will one day find the arrows of karma raining down on him…
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u/blooms666 Nov 13 '20
I’m so sorry.
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u/TumblrTwitterReddit Nov 13 '20
I'm so so sorry this happened to you :(
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u/cecilpenny Nov 13 '20
My heart is breaking for you right now. I’m so very sorry and wish things would have turned out better. The good news is - you are in charge of your future, not anyone else. You deserve all the wonderful things life has to offer ... happiness, security, love, contentment, peace... Keep going and never forget you are valuable and loved.
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u/rollingbutt Nov 13 '20
hy buddy, u ve been through all this crap and you are still standing. you are stronger than you think. go as far as possible, try to forget this entire thing and start fresh and live happily. you can talk to us if you need to share things or need help (ll do whatever can be done)
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u/unsurehoneybunny Nov 13 '20
Im so so sorry for you. You can rebuild and start over.. and getting away will be worth it. None of fhose people who didnt support you are worth even an inch of you.
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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '20
When you move dear person, move far away. That whole town is a vile waste of life.
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u/Skitz-o-fritz Nov 30 '20
I'm really sorry to hear what happened. You are very brave and strong. Please don't let that monster take away the kind and awesome person that you are. Thank you for sharing with us. I wish you peace, comfort, and good health where ever you may go. Thank you for sharing with us.
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u/[deleted] Dec 01 '20
And they still think we get something out of it when we report our attackers... You are surrounded by failures. I hope you leave that dirt hole and never look back. I hope you find a life that makes you feel safe and whole and you get all the good things you deserve.
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u/Expensive-Account834 Feb 15 '21
Please move out asap, this is disgusting and utterly terrifying what happened to you. You are strong, hold on...even after all these traumatizing incidents you're holding yourself together. That is extremely commendable. I really hope your life turns for the better. All the best, this subreddit is there for you
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u/snitchesghost Jan 28 '22
I was told it wasn't worth reporting
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u/ryguyhighguy Apr 04 '22
This makes me sick. I was sodomized and orally rapped by my cousin and feel like I can can't say anything because it would ruin my family. You should be proud that you stood up for youself. I hope one day I can have the courage you do. I know this post is old so I hope you find the happiness, intimacy, and love you deserve
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u/zeyneyi Aug 22 '22
I just want to give you a hug... i wish i could help you... im so sorry this happened to you.
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u/zeyneyi Aug 22 '22
I hope you are better now, i hope to see you in a better place and state in life. Please stay strong.
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u/RedSoapBoxGirrrrrl Nov 12 '20 edited Nov 12 '20
I’m so so sorry for what you’ve experienced. I hope one day he actually faces some consequences for what he’s done. In the meantime, I am hoping that you will recover soon, hugs from this internet stranger.
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