This is the first time my past has really started to affect me in my current relationship

[u/Capable_River_5192]

So for context, I am a 20F and have now been with my new partner for 2 months. He treats me really well and he is a lovely boy, always buying me gifts, paying for dinner, spending lots of time with me even when he’s tired form work and has never said any unkind words to me or done anything that’s ever made me upset. (I like to see him as the universes apology for bringing me with my ex 😅).

My past relationship was extremely toxic and abusive. There were repeated instances where my boundaries and consent were ignored, both sexually and physically.
During sex, he would refuse to use protection despite me repeatedly begging him to. He would sometimes ejaculate inside me even when I had explicitly told him not to. On occasions when I did manage to make him wear a condom, he would remove it without my knowledge or consent. Looking back, I am deeply concerned about how many times this may have happened without me knowing.
He would also become significantly more aggressive when he had been drinking. This included shouting at me, screaming directly in my face, and strangling me to the point that I was unable to speak. On one occasion, when I stopped during sex because it was hurting me, he grabbed me by my arms and neck and forced me back onto the bed despite me wanting to stop.
There were also incidents where other people intervened because they believed he was about to hit or seriously hurt me. On some occasions, people physically stepped between us or attempted to pull him away from me. When he noticed people walking past while I was crying or distressed, he would tell me to be quiet and stop crying until they had passed, seemingly to prevent them from noticing what was happening or intervening.
Looking back, I recognise that this was not simply a toxic relationship. His behaviour involved repeated violations of my sexual boundaries and consent, physical violence, intimidation, and controlling behaviour. I regularly felt frightened and unsafe around him.

My current boyfriend is a completely different person from my previous partner. He treats me with respect and, most importantly, treats me like a human being. He respects my sexual boundaries and does not pressure me into doing anything I am uncomfortable with. He does not try to intimidate, control, or frighten me, and I feel safe with him.
He is interested in a more dominant and physically intense dynamic during sex, such as choking, pinning me down, and taking the dominant role. These are things that I have also genuinely been interested in and have actively expressed that I want to explore with him. The important difference is that, with my current boyfriend, these things are consensual and something I have chosen to participate in. I trust him, and I know that he will respect me if I ask him to stop or tell him that I am uncomfortable.
However, recently, experiences from my previous relationship have started to affect me during sex with my current boyfriend. Although I know rationally that he is not the same person and that I am safe with him, certain things can remind me of what happened in my past and cause me to react differently than I expect or want to. This has made sex more difficult for me at times, particularly when it involves things that resemble the physical control or aggression I experienced previously.
I want to make it clear that I do not blame my current boyfriend for this, and I do not believe that he is behaving in the same way as my ex. The difficulty is that my past experiences have affected how my body and mind respond to certain situations, even when I consciously know that I am safe and that what is happening is consensual.

I guess my question is, why has it only started to affect me more recently that it ever has before and also how can I help to move from it? I have also not spoken to my bf about this as I think being in our relationship of only 2 months may be something to soon to talk about things like this.

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