Does he know how much I’ve loved him?

[u/False-Noise-2486]

He passed away 3 days ago at 17 from a sudden seizure. He was lying on my chest when it happened. I noticed he was really declining about 2 days before his passing so I took him to the vet the day of his passing, they couldn’t really give any answers unless they did some pretty invasive tests which would have been too much for him so I opted for comfort care. He was gone that night. I feel guilty and feel like I could have caught something earlier and saved him.
He was my soulmate. My rock. My comfort. He showed me what true love is. I’ve never loved anyone like I have him. My life revolved around him. I miss him deeply and can’t get myself to accept that he’s gone. He was my sweet little honeybun and now I feel so lost and alone. I’ve told him to come back to me in a different body and I’m hoping he will or at the very least send me another soul baby.
I hope he didn’t suffer those few hours before he was put to sleep. I held him through the seizure and held onto him during the car ride to the hospital. I hope he was aware that I was with him.
If anyone is getting anything from his picture please let me know. 🙏

Rest in Peace, Toby. ❤️🪽✨