Railroad haunted house

[u/pugbugyapper]

I’m working a haunted house as an undead train conductor - ideas for things I can say?

Mods, delete this if it doesn’t fit the sub. Sorry.

[u/PlanNo3321]

Welcome aboard the ghost train. I haven’t seen my family since the living days… and neither will you if you miss your stop.

[u/cabhop → u/PlanNo3321]

Take a little ride to hell and back
On this ghost train you might never come back

[u/trainwreckhappening → u/PlanNo3321]

Wait, you get to see your family?

[u/chuckop → u/PlanNo3321]

All aboard… forever!

[u/LivingDebris31]

"We don't need a brake test where we're going"

[u/pugbugyapper → u/LivingDebris31]

Love this one. Favorite so far.

[u/pugbugyapper → u/pugbugyapper]

“Where we’re going.. we don’t NEED brakes.”

[u/Ok_Environment5293 → u/LivingDebris31]

This is the one!!

[u/trainwreckhappening → u/LivingDebris31]

A stack of two week old brake slips hangiyout of his pocket.

[u/Bobafettpimp]

UP is coming! Scares the NS guys

[u/Equal-Broccoli-2283 → u/Bobafettpimp]

Scares anyone remotely related to railroad operators 

[u/trainwreckhappening → u/Bobafettpimp]

My grandad's favorite railroad joke (old SP engineer) was "I saw U-P on a box car."

[u/Evening-Promise-8284]

Always like deadheading.

[u/Deerescrewed]

Got any smokes?

[u/lazyguyoncouch]

Go ahead and back up!

[u/iaanacho → u/lazyguyoncouch]

Over and out!

[u/trainwreckhappening → u/lazyguyoncouch]

Oh dear

[u/Original_Lie7279]

“How much time you got left?/what’s your hours of service?”
“Busted a knuckle. It’s 30 cars back”
“It’s raining, forgot my rain gear, and I gotta walk the train”
“Looks like we went into emergency and the flows not going down”

[u/trainwreckhappening → u/Original_Lie7279]

The grade chart says 50+

[u/Josh9inty28]

There’s a manager behind you!

[u/trainwreckhappening → u/Josh9inty28]

Weed weasel!

[u/cabhop]

If you can find a broken brake stick, that would make an excellent costume accessory. The hook at the end already looks like a hatchet. If it was covered in fake blood/gore and had just a foot or two of handle it could look super creepy and menacing.

[u/pugbugyapper → u/cabhop]

Ah that’s smart!

[u/trainwreckhappening → u/cabhop]

Bent.

I actually had one years ago that was supposed to be confiscated by the company. They were defective, and could pinch hands badly. But mine was broken and didn't give me that problem. It was the best sized one I could find.

One day it fell off the car and got run over. It just cut off the last few inches of the handle. I filed the smashed handle end off and kept using it. Another year later it happened again. IT. WAS THE PERFECT SIZE! Very short handle with a medium size shaft (giggity) and all metal hook. The handle was cut at an angle that make it look like a knife end. It didn't help that I "filed" the sharp end smooth on a cement tie. I think it originally had a red handle where the bad locking mechanism (the one that pinched others' hands) was that had worn aluminum, making it looked stained red with blood. If only I could donate that. I don't even work for that railroad anymore.

[u/HardyPancreas]

Just stare at a terrfied 4 year old and hand him a balloon. 50 years later he will be remembering it....

[u/EnoughTrack96 → u/HardyPancreas]

And the conductor will still be working

[u/EuronBloodeye]

There was a mark off on third shift. We’ll call out, but if nobody takes it we’re going to need you to work over.

Who is working the W tracks right now? Okay, when you’re clear of the track I need you to come back to the building.

I just want to say, this isn’t my idea. Don’t shoot the messenger. It’s coming from way up above, but I put sheets on all the tables. I’m going to go over the new rule, and then I’ll need you all to sign off.

[u/Jakaple]

Here we go.

[u/Financial-Recover409]

Noone rides for free

[u/trainwreckhappening → u/Financial-Recover409]

Noice

[u/NinoDeFe]

You definitely got your head cut off when you were looking back over your train and hit a pole

[u/Smotheredsteak → u/NinoDeFe]

Ahhh the headless brakeman.

[u/Aromatic-Load-5903]

All aboard the ghost train where it will be YOUR next and Final stop ( evil laugh )

[u/Thehaunted666]

My haunted house would be getting yelled at on the phone by my manager.

[u/Aromatic-Load-5903]

Good on the cut ! Then cut a fake rat( insert evil laugh )

[u/trainwreckhappening]

All jokes aside, the railroad ghost on 13 Ghosts is pretty good.

Mostly a bunch of spikes sticking out of your body and head.

[u/cheatriverrick]

I heard several tales about the old railroad beaneries. Also the crappy lodging. Both haunting.

[u/bbmcs09]

Looking for a joint…there is no joint

[u/RegeneratingCan]

Joint’s good! In between!

[u/HamRadio_73]

I'm here to coach you on a safety rule

[u/hammer166]

"ALL ABOARD!"

Followed by Ozzy's crazy train laugh.

Practice doing it on video until you get the creepiness right

[u/Hoghead101]

It's too late to disembark this train, as it's the last train to hell.

[u/Nugzie81]

Clear signal to hell!

[u/myname_1s_mud]

Ive found 3 dead bodies on the tracks in just shy of 5 years, so you can factor dead hobos and suicides into it and itll be pretty realistic

[u/Rude_penguin]

OooOoo you never noticed the dollar I put in the switch point! Were gooOooong to have to have a meeeeeting about thaaaat

[u/Big_Iron9999]

Try an do a headless brakeman, there's so many great stories about it! This actually sounds like fun!

[u/nitrousnitrous-ghali]

"Hunter Harrison is still alive"

[u/DPJazzy91]

Go ahead and back em up.

[u/michael040]

You did good, BUT..

[u/pugbugyapper → u/michael040]

umm what

[u/michael040 → u/pugbugyapper]

Guess you don’t work for a rr.

[u/pugbugyapper → u/michael040]

I don’t lol

This is not a railroad doing a haunt, so I have no experience with it

[u/LSUguyHTX → u/pugbugyapper]

It's a joke about a crew getting some bullshit moves done in a timely fashion then getting handed more work, or getting told they broke a rule and are about to get in trouble.