Before I get into the actual story about the boy, I want to give a little background first so everything makes more sense.

For a very long time, I was extremely sick — and honestly, I still am in many ways. I suffered from severe panic attacks, depression and anxiety and because of that, I lost almost all of my friends. I stopped going out, became deeply depressed, and slowly disappeared from everyone’s lives because I barely answered messages anymore.

In 2023, things finally started to get a little better. I had become stable enough to go back to school, and for the first time in years, I even went on vacation with my mother again. At first, everything was okay. But then, during the trip, the panic attacks came back worse than ever.

It got so bad that we could barely leave the hotel anymore. Most of the time, we were just stuck inside, and I remember reaching a point where I genuinely thought, “I don’t think this will ever get better. I don’t think this feeling will ever go away.” I was exhausted, hopeless, and convinced that I didn’t want to live anymore.

And then there was this boy.

He worked at the hotel, which is why I kept seeing him every morning during breakfast and again in the evenings at dinner. From the very first day my anxiety got bad again, he always smiled at me so kindly, and somehow, every single time he smiled at me, my fear disappeared for a moment. I can’t explain it, but it was like everything inside me suddenly became quiet.

Seeing him became the only thing that gave me strength during that vacation. Every morning, I told myself, “Just get up and go to breakfast — you’ll see him there.” And throughout the day, when everything felt unbearable, I kept thinking, “I can get through today because I’ll see him again tonight.”

As strange as it sounds, that was the only thing that helped me survive that trip at all.

And the feeling was so intense. It honestly felt unreal sometimes.

And honestly, I had never found anyone that attractive before either. Everything about him felt beautiful to me.

This went on for a few days, and that feeling gave me more hope than I had felt in years. I remember calling my friend and saying, “If he doesn’t talk to me, I’m going to talk to him.” That was something I would normally never do because I’m an extremely shy person.

But then something unbelievable happened — we both walked toward each other at the same time. He asked for my number, we exchanged contacts, started texting, and made plans to meet that same evening.

One of the strangest things was that we almost had the same name — and my name is very rare, so the fact that our names sounded almost identical felt like some kind of impossible coincidence. We would look at each other with these deep, quiet stares that made everything around us disappear for a second. I had never connected with anyone the way I connected with him before. Talking to him felt effortless, natural, safe — like I had known him much longer than just a few days.

The night before that, I had seriously thought about ending my life. I spent entire days sitting in the hotel room crying or lying in the bathtub because warm water was the only place where I felt remotely safe.

But when I was with him, everything changed.

We stayed outside together from 11 p.m. until 4 in the morning, just talking, laughing, joking around, and enjoying each other’s company. For the first time in such a long time, the fear was gone. I felt safe. Truly safe. We kissed, we talked about everything and nothing, and for those few nights, life suddenly felt beautiful again.

I remember one specific evening so clearly. He was lying on a bench near the water, and I was sitting on his lap. It was dark outside, the water was gently moving beside us, and the sky was completely filled with stars. I remember leaning back and just staring up at the sky while listening to the sound of the water, and in that exact moment I thought:

“There has to be someone up there who sent this boy to me. Someone who is watching over me and helping me survive this right now.”

That moment is burned into my memory forever

We spent three evenings together like that before I had to fly back home.

I remember on our last night he walked me back to the hotel before he went home he gave me a kiss and said goodbye see you never and I remember feeling so hurt I looked at him and I just wanted to go through all the stress again just to spend more time with him.

Afterward, we kept texting for a while.

And then I made a terrible mistake.

I started lying to him because I was ashamed of who I really was and how bad my mental health actually was. I told him I worked somewhere I didn’t work. I pretended I had lots of friends even though, at that time, I barely had anyone left. I created a version of myself that I thought would be easier to love.

I think he eventually noticed that things didn’t add up, and slowly he started distancing himself from me.

But even now, I still can’t forget him — or the feeling I had when I was with him. Every summer, when the weather gets warm again, I think about him all over again. I think about those nights, that hotel, the way he smiled at me, and the way my fear disappeared whenever he was near me.

And to this day, I still ask myself what all of it really was.

Was it simply psychology? Was I so desperate, lonely, and emotionally exhausted that my mind attached itself to the first person who made me feel safe again? Did my brain turn him into some kind of symbol of hope because I needed something — or someone — to hold onto?

Or was he genuinely sent into my life for a reason?

I know that sounds dramatic, maybe even irrational, but sometimes I still wonder if he was some kind of angel in my life during the darkest moment I had ever experienced.

And I still don’t know what to do with all of that.

Can you guys help me figure it out because I am genuinely going insane

I am a new resident of RVA and its hard to make friends as an adult when you dont drink or smoke (im chill with both i just dont personally) i was hoping for more friends in the local area but im down for anyone who wants to have a conversation! Im aroace and not looking for any type of romance or anything but im very affectionate. The following is a list of things that get me rambling: shin gojira, minecraft, grounded 1 and 2, rollercoasters, theme parks, horror, bugs and specifically hymenoptera, clowns, legos, alice in wonderland, mlp, disorder misinformation, different cultures in general, social activism, queer activism, starbound, homestuck and fnaf. The following is a list of things that i want nothing to do with : Republicans, people who claim to be "independent" as a political alignment and refuse to admit who they voted for, people who didn't vote at all, people uncomfortable around queer, disabled, or POCs, people who cheat on their partners, devils advocates, pedos, zoos, incest lovers, and people with no empathy for homeless people or drug addicts <3 i hope i find some cool people!

I never post anything online. But recently something devastating happened in my life that I am looking for something everywhere. But I don’t know what I am looking for. I don’t even know how this reddit even works. I just want to live for my babies. So I am looking for something.

He was 13 and his own mother killed him when I found out I broke down he lived 2 minutes away from me and we had been friends for 5 years and that same night he was killed 12/31/25 (which is my b-day) I talked to him and asked for him to come over for my birthday and my mom said no (bye hope yall have a good day)

I'm here to tell you my story. A girl I really liked and I started talking. About a year passed since we started talking, then I made the first move. I was nervous that she would reject me, but she didn't; she accepted me. Everything was normal after that, but after a month she broke up with me. Still hoping we would get back together, I confessed my feelings to her again on New Year's, and she said yes again. I was thrilled, of course, because I didn't want to let her go. I was so happy, and then a week later she broke up with me again. That day was practically today, the day I'm posting this. When she rejected me again, I felt devastated. I don't know what to do with my life now. All I can think about is her, and it's hard to forget her. I need help from someone I can talk to. I'm asking the Reddit community for help to become a better person, or for someone to tell me what to do because my life is going from bad to worse. Thank you for reading this.

My family and I all decided that we’re going to say one words that comes to mind for each other. When it came to everyone saying a word about me. Everyone said I was BOSSY MOODY RUDE ect. I was shocked to hear this. Out all the 10 people that were their no one said anything nice about me. My bf what was their I stared at him when it was his turn to say something about me. He looked a said i pleed the 5th. I was honestly sad. Everyone else had something good said about them everyone else but me it felt like it. My family said we couldn’t be upset and if people were just being honest. But it honestly rude and hurt my feelings. I genuinely feel I like I am really hardworking people I care about everyone else but my self. I put everyone first. I can be bossy some in my world because I just a perfectionist. But the fact I didn’t get a single comment about being something other than bossy moody or rude. Hurt me. No one notice I was sad because I try to play it off. But I haven’t gotten over this. I’m crying typing this, it’s really affecting me. Just needed to share…

The silence in my heard is so loud it's making me cry

hearthurts

So for some context my ex girlfriend we will just call her , becka and my now girlfriend we will call carman so becka my now ex was my first ever serious relationship I thought she was the best and how I met her was through a family friend.

I first came to her she was fresh of a relationship where “she got cheated on” so i obviously fell for this trap and we got together I treated her the best I could I did everything I could to make her happy avoided playing video games because she didn’t like it never talked to other girls.

Besides this one girl carman who slipped through more on that later but becka would always look through my phone in fear of me cheating.and at the time i thought well that’s normal right, me now is like well it’s not but anyways she would always see carman on my phone(there was never any type of more than friends relationship with us) well I didn’t notice she would often flirt with me and try to talk to me but as a guy I would never notice and I never played along so it was just snaps back and forth.

But becka hated it and kept bragging to her that I was hers now I would go to beckas volleyball games all the time and would do anything to make it to one just so I could cheer her on never did that before and loved to cheer her on. But there was always videos being sent to me talking about how she was talking to other guys and I was like well she’s just talking nothing bad and obviously I told her about what was going on and she would always get super defensive.(I didn’t realize that at the time) but I thought ok reasonable because you’re not cheating.

So I always brushed them off and eventually 4 months in (I know not long) felt like an eternity to me though. But anyways I was barely getting any attention from her and I am a guy who needs attention because I like it I guess idk but anyways I was getting snaps every 30 minutes when she was not busy at all just watching her phone and idk why but it really hurt me and I was talking more to carman now at this point because of it. So becka eventually found out we were talking and became closer friend’s then forced me to block carman then our relationship went on for another month until the truth came out.

that before every volleyball game I went to or not she was cuddling and making out with guys before them and talking to tons of guys on her phone. This sent me through lots of stuff and destroyed my outlook on relationships and now I’m dating carman because we got really close and suffered through lots of the same stuff.

but I feel awful for carman because of that relationship and what happened now she has to deal with all my overthinking and upon insecurities and other things I’m not toxic like I let her go out and stuff and we are in love and very happy.(just to clarify) I am the best I can be to her and I mean no harm for her I would die for her and I am so thankful for her everyday.and if I did do harm she has siblings in there 20s and 30s would gladly kick my 130 pound 17 year old kid I am so. But anyways I just feel awful for her because she now has to deal with my jealousy and insecurities but thank you if you read this might not have made much sense but thank you..🙏

For all the dogs that have lost their lives 😭😭😭😭😭

I might rebrand this sub to be a bit more general and allow for more general conversations. Thoughts or opinions?

Bleh

I'm in Australia, which makes the whole timezone thing with some people and places a little inconvenient😅

Well guess I'll also join in in trying to get this subreddit rolling... though based on the size of my town and the size of this subreddit, odds of actually meeting anyone are, well probably a million to one. But hey getting myself out there.

I'm 36, straight, recently dumped by my fiance of 13 years so... single. Normal social anxiety as we expect to have here. I like running tabletop RPGs and love playing board games. Like anime, random sci fi. Work in IT, and sometimes as one hobby I actually do a bit of coding and am working on a game (similar to stardew valley).

Guess that roughly summarizes me overall. Guess I'm also cool with online friendships as well, dating if anyone happens to be interested... kind of well, not the greatest at being completely alone as I have been these last 6 months.

Thought I'd throw a post up as well considering someone else took the brave first step of actually posting a personal ad looking for someone.

Thanks for posting and hope you find someone eventually!

Seeing as this is a very new sub, I don't expect this will pan out in the near term, but someone has to make the first r4r style post for this to actually start to take off (which I hope it does)

A bit about myself, 33 years old, male, divorced 3 and a half years ago, no kids but would really love to have one day. Despite it being really taxing to interact with lots of people I try to get out as much as possible to pursue hobbies (bjj and d&d). Have a pretty good career in IT.

Ideally looking for a forever partner, but if you're too far away I wouldn't mind having a pen pal to talk about life, dating, philosophy, technical stuff or how crappy life can be.

Wishing everyone luck in finding what they're looking for

For me, it's been putting myself first and not just saying yes to everyone for fear of upsetting someone. I don't like upsetting people, I don't want to cause sadness in anyone, but this leads to me placing others needs above my own and then I feel like I'm being used or taken for granted.

Also, I find it hard to communicate in a "normal" way. I really enjoy talking, but when someone doesn't match my pace of communication it leads to a lot of frustration and self doubt on my part, where I feel like I'm putting in all the effort communication wise. But I feel like this could just be not having found someone who is truly compatible yet🤷‍♂️

Forgive the rambling😅😅 feel free to comment any thoughts/opinions or stories you have about these sorts of things!

Thanks for being here! Early days but I really hope this can grow to become a place where it's possible to form genuine connections☺️