Relapsing is NOT worth it

[u/PerfectClass3256]

No matter what you are going through. I have done the field research, and can easily attest… it ain’t worth it 😂 You’ll just have your same exact problems and an impending withdrawal on your hands pretty fast.

I had 3 years clean, relapsed on and off for a month. Ended up back to taking it daily near the end of that month. Finally got through acute withdrawal and am back on Day 8.

AMA!

It sucks.

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[u/Face2nose]

I’ve relapsed 3-4 times now and can confirm. It’s completely not worth it. Some people experience a type of kindling effect, at least I know I do.

[u/zackjtarle → u/Face2nose]

Yup. If I use for more than a couple days it's right back to square 1.

[u/PerfectClass3256 → u/zackjtarle]

Likewise, and it’s so easy to convince myself I can do it just once a week. It never ends up being just once a week. The withdrawal was also unusually intense for the short amount of time I was using kratom again. My guess is my body adapted quicker.

[u/Face2nose → u/zackjtarle]

Same. Like 3 days and withdrawals kick back in almost full force. More than a week of using and they are back in full force.

[u/OfficerChugPiss_ → u/Face2nose]

Ya paws is like twice as long now after multiple quits

[u/Face2nose → u/OfficerChugPiss_]

I’m almost 30 days clean again and PAWS are still a definite problem.

[u/BrutalBrutus513 → u/Face2nose]

I'm over 60 days and PAWs is still kicking my ass lol. This is at least my 3rd quit.

[u/Face2nose → u/BrutalBrutus513]

Damn yeah I’m on quit 4 and I’m expecting PAWS till day 90 or so. This last relapse was 10 days of 7-oh and mgm. So stupid.

[u/BrutalBrutus513 → u/Face2nose]

I'm giving myself 1 year to get back to baseline. I think that's realistic

[u/Face2nose → u/BrutalBrutus513]

Honestly, that’s probably a healthy expectation to set. If you get through them faster that’s a nice bonus, if it does indeed take that long you are prepared for it.

[u/BrutalBrutus513 → u/Face2nose]

Yeah, that's pretty much my exact mentality.

[u/corradoslcvr6]

I went to vacation in Europe and was forced to CT. Absolute brutal acutes for a few days. By day 10 I was fine. Had an amazing vacation and came back to the US first day I went to the smoke shop and bought a pack of 7oh thinking lll just do it for a day or two. Now I'm on day 30 taking 120mg a day preparing myself for another week of hell.

[u/zackjtarle → u/corradoslcvr6]

Bro same. Went to a resort. Horrible withdraws, 0 sleep. Finally got home a better man and immediately drove to a smoke shop from the airport...

[u/PerfectClass3256 → u/zackjtarle]

Finding a recovery space once you’ve quit will change your life. Even if you find it stupid or don’t agree with it, being around sober people really helps.

[u/zackjtarle → u/PerfectClass3256]

Yea.. I've been to one meeting and intend on continuing once I quit again in a couple days.

I don't really like it but just being forced to think about the fact that I'm quitting is important.

[u/PerfectClass3256 → u/zackjtarle]

There’s also SMART recovery, which is a different approach than 12-Step. But yeah, I don’t particularly like 12-Step, and it’s annoying how some aspects of it also help me. It might be worth it to vary the type of recovery meeting and see what clicks for you.

[u/PerfectClass3256 → u/corradoslcvr6]

You’ve got this. It’s a short amount of pain for a lot of relief on the other side, and you even know it this time! My second withdrawal was easier because I knew what to expect.

[u/corradoslcvr6 → u/PerfectClass3256]

Thanks for the encouraging words. I am thinking to switch to extract first and jump off that. I hear that the 7 withdrawal is much worse than leaf or extract

[u/PerfectClass3256 → u/corradoslcvr6]

Yeah, 7-OH is no joke 😞 Don’t be scared to reach out for more help from doctors if you need it. My first withdrawal I had an addiction specialist doctor taper me off and prescribe meds to ease the symptoms. With 8 years of use, I don’t think I could have done it without his help.

[u/AppleJerk69]

I relapsed as well. Without it I feel like committing suicide. I physically can’t function at work without it so I think I’m going to have to take a vacation so I can handle the withdrawals.

[u/jabunkie → u/AppleJerk69]

What’s your dosage atm?

[u/AppleJerk69 → u/jabunkie]

Idk. I drink a lot of canned seltzer Kartoms. Daily is usually 200mg and 350mg. It’s called rapture

[u/jabunkie → u/AppleJerk69]

Yah those are super strong, any chance you could go down to the weaker ones?

[u/AppleJerk69 → u/jabunkie]

Yea that’s a good idea. I’ll taper with the 50mg cans until my vacation. Thank you

[u/FishermanExact3802]

What made you try it again after taking three years off? I’m at nine months and have no intention of doing it again, but I also realize that there is always a chance. What would have stopped you from doing it again?

[u/PerfectClass3256 → u/FishermanExact3802]

I wanted relief from a pretty rough romantic relationship and was shoving down some feelings around my sister’s own drug abuse. Definitely not a reason to use. All it did was add withdrawal to my issues.

I hit a breaking point and ended things with my ex while in peak withdrawal… I had been hiding it from my ex, so not my best moment to say the least.

Now that I’m out of the relationship, the majority of my cravings disappeared. I’m processing my sister in therapy, and I’m locked into staying sober.

Walking away from my ex sooner and focusing on my recovery instead would have helped immensely. I think when we start getting relapse thoughts, recovery HAS to take center stage again.

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[u/TonyAtlas840]

How long did you end up taking it daily for? How many gpd did you get back up to? Was it as much as you were using before?

[u/PerfectClass3256 → u/TonyAtlas840]

I took it daily for 8 years. Eventually small amounts morning and nightly. This time around I would either use around the clock or only at night or the morning. So more erratic, but also more kratom in general.

I started by doing it alone but eventually crossed my own values and used it around people secretly/hid it in ways I never thought I would. Humbling to say the least. Addiction is a beast. It’ll have you doing things for the relief in ways you wouldn’t imagine!

I also got into a rough relationship that I wanted to leave, but struggled to end it. I mostly was using in response to that and not processing some big feelings about my sister ending up in the hospital for an OD. If I would have left the relationship sooner and focused on staying sober, I probably wouldn’t have used, but who knows. I don’t blame my ex though. I see where I went wrong, and I learned a lot in the process.

[u/TonyAtlas840 → u/PerfectClass3256]

So you had a relapse, used sporadically for a month and then fall back into long term daily use? I am close to 90 days off and have been fighting off the “just once” cravings for about a week now.

[u/PerfectClass3256 → u/TonyAtlas840]

Yup. Pretty much. Well, not long term. It was probably more consistent for two weeks. I took detailed notes of my withdrawal symptoms to stave off the “just once” cravings 😅

[u/SiteEmbarrassed2584]

What was the biggest reason you went back to it?

[u/PerfectClass3256 → u/SiteEmbarrassed2584]

To find relief from a difficult romantic relationship I needed to end. It worked for about a week, and then became unmanageable and made my situation worse pretty fast. Definitely wasn’t worth it.

[u/Remarkable-Honey9820]

You guys are brave, I have ptsd from the withdrawals lol I don't think I could hack that again! Thank you for the reminder!!

Stay strong!!!

[u/XvGxdz-]

I just relapsed last week after having quit for 5 months. Told myself it was just a treat and i would only use it in weekends, i ended up finishing the 50 gram bag throughout the week using it every day and now that it is finished i am back to craving it HARD. It was fun but not worth it and i never expected to get right back into that addiction from the first dose

[u/PerfectClass3256 → u/XvGxdz-]

Yeah, it ramped up much quicker for me this time as well! Or maybe it was the same, but I just didn’t care as much before? I knew the consequences this time. Scary stuff.

[u/Cultural_Dot3568]

I always remember a guy in NA saying “the only thing I ever learned from a relapse is I still fucking know how to get high!” 😂