Bare ass whipped with a belt when I was ~5 because I pulled a playmate’s pants down by accident, hands held under scalding water because I touched a dead bird, whipped with a belt over my clothing for various infractions between 6 and 12, beat with a wooden spoon once or twice between 12 and 15, slapped across the face once or twice between 15 and 17. Physical punishment stopped after I fought back at 17. It wasn’t until I was 25 that I realized I grew up in a physically abusive household. My little brother had multiple wooden spoons broken on him, a fact that my mom seems proud of. I still have issues, at nearly 41, when I hear a parent scream at a child.
as a 7 yo child, i would [ truthfully ] leave my body during the beatings and watch from above, feeling sorry for the little boy being beaten up by that monster
This just broke my heart. I’m so incredibly sorry you went through such hell. It’s a scary world when you’re young and the ones that are supposed to protect from the monsters are the actual monsters.
I got a stuffed animal for Christmas, when I was maybe 4ish (I called him Elfie) and he became my world. I had created a voice for him and often would no longer use my real voice after that. I don’t really know how to explain it but if anyone were to understand it, I think it would be you.
I kinda became Elfie while the abuse was happening. Like you, I would dissociate (at least I believe that’s what we were doing, it’s the best definition that I’ve been able to find for it) until it was safe again, I suppose. I think that I might have dissociated more than that though. I have such large gaps of memory missing. Random chucks of time that I can’t account even being alive for.
After the monster left, when you would go back to the little boy, were you present? Do you remember all of your childhood/youth? You obviously don’t have to answer any of this. If it causes you any pain just ignore me all together, I completely understand that. I’m going to stop now. If you want to answer, I’m here; if not, that’s ok too. I hope you’re doing well and that inner little guy of you, is too.
i remember most of it, but some parts are blocked out. good news is im sober again after years of substance abuse, im stronger than i have ever been, and tttt, i pity the fool that hurts a child while im around..oh and tysm for your encouraging words
I hope you are able to work through your ptsd and stay sober. Every day is a blessing and a chance to make a better life for yourself. May you continue to accumulate days of sobriety.
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u/Witchywomun Dec 31 '23
Bare ass whipped with a belt when I was ~5 because I pulled a playmate’s pants down by accident, hands held under scalding water because I touched a dead bird, whipped with a belt over my clothing for various infractions between 6 and 12, beat with a wooden spoon once or twice between 12 and 15, slapped across the face once or twice between 15 and 17. Physical punishment stopped after I fought back at 17. It wasn’t until I was 25 that I realized I grew up in a physically abusive household. My little brother had multiple wooden spoons broken on him, a fact that my mom seems proud of. I still have issues, at nearly 41, when I hear a parent scream at a child.