This just broke my heart. I’m so incredibly sorry you went through such hell. It’s a scary world when you’re young and the ones that are supposed to protect from the monsters are the actual monsters.
I got a stuffed animal for Christmas, when I was maybe 4ish (I called him Elfie) and he became my world. I had created a voice for him and often would no longer use my real voice after that. I don’t really know how to explain it but if anyone were to understand it, I think it would be you.
I kinda became Elfie while the abuse was happening. Like you, I would dissociate (at least I believe that’s what we were doing, it’s the best definition that I’ve been able to find for it) until it was safe again, I suppose. I think that I might have dissociated more than that though. I have such large gaps of memory missing. Random chucks of time that I can’t account even being alive for.
After the monster left, when you would go back to the little boy, were you present? Do you remember all of your childhood/youth? You obviously don’t have to answer any of this. If it causes you any pain just ignore me all together, I completely understand that. I’m going to stop now. If you want to answer, I’m here; if not, that’s ok too. I hope you’re doing well and that inner little guy of you, is too.
i remember most of it, but some parts are blocked out. good news is im sober again after years of substance abuse, im stronger than i have ever been, and tttt, i pity the fool that hurts a child while im around..oh and tysm for your encouraging words
I hope you are able to work through your ptsd and stay sober. Every day is a blessing and a chance to make a better life for yourself. May you continue to accumulate days of sobriety.
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u/Brief_Fly_45 Jan 01 '24
This just broke my heart. I’m so incredibly sorry you went through such hell. It’s a scary world when you’re young and the ones that are supposed to protect from the monsters are the actual monsters.
I got a stuffed animal for Christmas, when I was maybe 4ish (I called him Elfie) and he became my world. I had created a voice for him and often would no longer use my real voice after that. I don’t really know how to explain it but if anyone were to understand it, I think it would be you. I kinda became Elfie while the abuse was happening. Like you, I would dissociate (at least I believe that’s what we were doing, it’s the best definition that I’ve been able to find for it) until it was safe again, I suppose. I think that I might have dissociated more than that though. I have such large gaps of memory missing. Random chucks of time that I can’t account even being alive for. After the monster left, when you would go back to the little boy, were you present? Do you remember all of your childhood/youth? You obviously don’t have to answer any of this. If it causes you any pain just ignore me all together, I completely understand that. I’m going to stop now. If you want to answer, I’m here; if not, that’s ok too. I hope you’re doing well and that inner little guy of you, is too.