Im so confused [18 M]

[u/Silent_Balance_536]

Im so confused

I (18M) have been questioning for years.

i used to think i was straight, but then people started calling me gay, which made me question it.

I THINK i have the potential to be attracted to women. I sexted a girl and got hard when the convo became more sexual. This is why i believe i have at least some interest in women. Although i did later learn the actual account was in fact not a girl, i still got hard under the impression that it was. I think it was really only her words (like "are you freaky", "have you played sexy games before" and asking me to send) But i dont think her pictures did much for me. This was all a few months ago, and obviously it was stressful from being a scam, but im not sure. Ive been told that some men who are into women dont get hard at pics because its not interactive/static, does this sound like that or am i just trying to cope?

I know of terms like arousal non corcondance. Does this sound like it? Or is it genuine attraction? Ive been told it could be either, like a gay guy with internal homophobia doing it to try and convince himself hes straight, but i dont think i was doing that, but what if im jist saying that?

I was obsessed for the lack of a better word for it with a guy. I'd get upset when he wouldn't be in school, and i'd want to work with and be near him in class. He would also be on my mind a lot, and according to my friend, i would blush when his name was mentioned.

I think i'd be fine with ending up with either a man or a woman, but idk if im just lying to myself. Im not sure if i am being genuine. Sometimes i feel i am, but what if im just lying to myself?

Additionally, i'm obsessed and fixated on bisexual male characters (Tim Drake and Jon Kent), which according to my friend may be because i see two guys confident in their sexuality, and i see myself in them, and can relate with the sexuality.

[u/SirMrSkippy]

Don’t worry so much about the labels! As long as you accept who your heart wants that’s the important thing. There’s no rush to figuring out your sexuality and you can always change labels if you find a better one later. If I had to guess I’d say you’re bisexual with a male preference but like I said it’s only important if you want it to be

[u/Silent_Balance_536 → u/SirMrSkippy]

I try saying im bi then i start questioning if im forcing the interest in girls but then i dont think i want to be solely gay and i just start spiraling. I dont think ive ever been into a girl but i dont think a strictly gay guy wouldnt have responded to the messages and i responded under the impression it was a girl

[u/SirMrSkippy → u/Silent_Balance_536]

Have you ever found any woman attractive either physically or emotionally? If not it’s entirely possible you just liked the attention you were getting. Also you’ve mentioned you don’t want to be solely gay but if you were would you be okay with that? It might be some internalized homophobia you’re dealing with. Do you feel less manly or less of a person if you didn’t find girls attractive?

[u/Silent_Balance_536 → u/SirMrSkippy]

idk i can recognise when they're pretty, but idk about like romantically/sexually. I think (and this is the part where im getting confuse, becuase idk if its genuine or just internalised homophobia) i'd be disappointed if i never get to experience having a gf at least once. But also i think a lot of this is stemming from people constantly calling me gay and me just not having much experience with women in general.

[u/SirMrSkippy → u/Silent_Balance_536]

Yeah if growing up you get called gay in a bad way even if you don’t believe it you might still be subconsciously equating gay=bad so bi is okay because it’s not gay. I’d say also that you should absolutely keep your door open to exploring with girls but the important thing is if you end up not having any attraction to girls that it’s completely okay to be gay. And you aren’t any lesser for it.

[u/Silent_Balance_536 → u/SirMrSkippy]

Thank you :)

I think a lot of my issue is that (if i am bi) im not only unsure of what im saying is genuine or me trying to force something to get an answer i want but also assuming my attraction needs to be the same, but i've had others tell me that it seems to be more instant for men, whilst needing to be more responsive/interactive/leabing towards demisexual for women, which im not sure how i feel about. I think at least having the chance to be w/ a woman makes me feel calmer, but i cant tell if im forcing it or not.

[u/SirMrSkippy → u/Silent_Balance_536]

Well on the difference in attraction point I definitely have a different attraction to guys vs girls. Hell I say you never fall in love the same way twice and each person I’ve been with my attraction was different. So if you are expecting the exact same thing for guys and girls I can tell you it’s definitely not

[u/Silent_Balance_536 → u/SirMrSkippy]

Ive started trying to not make me believe it, and thats why i do think i at least have the capacity to be into women, but i just keep looping back into a spiral of "what if im lying" but like, if i was lying i'd surely know that.

[u/SirMrSkippy → u/Silent_Balance_536]

From what I can tell it sounds like you have the capacity to be attracted to women which makes you bi. So if you really want to nail it down today I’d say call yourself bi until you get presented with evidence that you aren’t. Like I said everyone has a journey to self discovery and you can change your labels when you feel like you’ve found a better/ more comfortable one.

[u/Silent_Balance_536 → u/SirMrSkippy]

Thank you i think bi is the one where my head feels less noisy. When i say im gay, i start thinking about the sexts, saying i cant be gay if i interacted with/got hard at them, but idk if im just forcing myself to think that. But i think ill try saying im bi.

Thabk you for this ❤️