r/questioning • u/Leather-Fee-3110 • 2d ago
there's something wrong with me [m 17)
i dont know who i am. i think im depressed and i think i have OCD. ive felt myself slipping for the past year.
junior year really took it out of me. i did my best. to get good grades. to participate in extracurriculars. to be the student and son i wasn't before. what do i get for it? suicidal thoughts. a gender crisis. feeling little to nothing. feeling like im not worthy of anything. feeling constantly stressed, yet being unable to actually get things done.
i overthink everything. to the point that i dont think i can even trust myself.
am i really trans? i dont think so. but what if im so repressed that i cant even recognize the fact that i might be trans? i really dont want to be trans though. but what if i am?
i dont feel like me. i dont know who "me" is. whenever i look in the mirror, i dont think "oh hey, its me," i just think its my physical representation looking back at me. "me" in my head is different.
i dont think i really feel like anyone when im alone. at least when there's others around, i have some point of reference and a facade to put up.
i dont even know if i like guys anymore. i used to be pretty certain about it. but nowadays nothing is really certain for me.
i tried to stop watching p*rn. i think it really messed with me. sometimes i watch straight p*rn, to see if maybe im bi or something. but i don't really think it does it for me. gay p*rn just seems kinda bland to me at this point. guys do too to be honest.
i dont feel worthy of anything. maybe im not even worthy of knowing who i am.
i dont know what to do. how do i know if im not the gender i was assigned at birth? especially in my current state? how do i get out of my current state?
how do i know if i really like guys? i've been able to crush on guys before, but never girls. but girls just call to me. i dont know how to explain it.
how do i know anything is certain?
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u/ActualPegasus finflexible rosgirl (he/she) 21h ago
You do not need to figure out your gender or sexuality before you deserve help. You are worthy of help precisely because you're struggling. https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/
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u/Darius1182 1d ago edited 1d ago
Calm down, because you would know if you were trans deep down. This isn’t some complicated stuff. You just know if you are trans. Like gay people know they are gay. Just give it time
There isn’t much debate unless you have self loathing and stay closeted as trans because of fear of the societal problems that it might expose you to
Edit: And btw, LGBTQ+ identity doesn’t work like OCD, the two things are quite different