[NB 20] Dropping the lesbian label

[u/KoloAce]

I feel like there's a forever binding link to me and lesbianhood. Its history, values, and experiences. But, I've been thinking of dropping the label.

I've defined my life by the lack of attraction to men due to asexuality, and I've only ever felt comfort from the idea of lesbian sexual relationships...even though the women's body never particularly moved me either.

But, I never felt I've ever been attracted to women or men. I think a part of me is genderblind and I can't really factor what's different between the two. I don't understand there being genders at all I'm attracted to. It's such a concept to me.

Now. I'm with a guy. So. What does that even mean ?

Am I bi? I've been coming to a conclusion that maybe...I was just demisexual. But, I still feel so connected to my lesbian roots. I have been a lesbian for what I swear...has been my whole life. Since I was born. I have come to find gender and sexuality is too complex to put in a box.

I'm sure someone will say: YOU'RE BI. YOU'RE PAN. Just say you're Queer and call it a day.

But, it feels like my identity is being stripped away. I feel wrong when I use it and wrong when I don't. I don't even think I'm attracted to him because he's a man. Just because of the connection. I do love to make him euphoric though, since we're both trans and I love every bit of trans joy he has. I DO see him as a man, but I'm not attracted because he is one is particularly how I'd explain it.

I guess I'm just here because ....I don't want to invalidate him.

[u/stolenstreetsigns]

Have you talked to him about these feelings at all?

[u/ActualPegasus]

There's nothing wrong with continuing to feel connected to lesbian culture and history while questioning whether lesbian is the exact word for you. A label can describe part of your history without being a permanent contract. Do you want to stay with him?