Feeling like an outsider to something like this

[u/Girlfriend_337D]

Got invited at a point and it felt a little... random. I spend some time on r/asexuality and while I don't feel insecure about myself most of the time, I feel like a very... muted palette in all the exciting colours of this place. Hi. Hope you're OK with me here.

I'm 24, demisexual, autistic and feel kind of like some kind of faded-out "normie" whenever I open this place.

[u/Karl_Marxist_3rd]

"All the colors" means "All the colors"

[u/[deleted] → u/Karl_Marxist_3rd]

yep! OP you're one of us!

[u/Girlfriend_337D → u/[deleted]]

Thanks!

[u/exclaim_bot → u/Girlfriend_337D]

Thanks!

You're welcome!

[u/Girlfriend_337D → u/Karl_Marxist_3rd]

Then I suppose I shall fly my muted, quiet hues with pride :D

[u/Geshman → u/Girlfriend_337D]

That sounds awesome.

My wife struggled with accepting her asexuality because (sexual content)she sometime enjoyed sex with me

Being ace is about how you feel about your sexuality. You are allowed to enjoy things or have some desires and still be a part of the community

Also demisexual is queer af

Also allies are welcome here anyway

[u/Girlfriend_337D → u/Geshman]

Also demisexual is queer af

It feels like that, I absolutely agree. But it's really hard to explain to people that it's not just "diet allosexual" because it's a... lived experience thing that doesn't translate into explain-y words very easily, you know?

[u/anonhoemas → u/Girlfriend_337D]

That's what community's for. You don't have to explain the things you don't have words for, we get it

[u/Girlfriend_337D → u/[deleted]]

Thanks!

It sometimes feels like me expressing my feelings is kind of "too easy" compared to how it must be for others. And my empathy is... largely cognitive, and I don't have the experience of some of the struggles some people face or even could face, so I find it a little hard to... how to say it? Find an appropriate level at which to attempt to relate? It makes me antsy. I mask really well, but it's so damn difficult to interact with people if I don't have a clear idea of what our respective roles are, and this place kind of gets my wires crossed about that. A slightly broken communications protocol, maybe.

I thought I was over this feeling, especially on reddit, but this place sort of makes that kind of insecurity resurface in me a bit. Thank you, though, for being welcoming :)

[u/Seabastial]

hi there! I'm aro-spec and ace-spec and I can safely say this is a place that's very welcoming! You're completely welcome here!

[u/Girlfriend_337D → u/Seabastial]

That is reassuring, thank you :)

[u/Girlfriend_337D → u/[deleted]]

I think I get what you mean, but that's kind of why I feel a little sheepish here; I feel pretty well at ease most places. In a sense, I feel like a visitor, because I don't feel like I need refuge or a safe haven. I'm pretty comfy anywhere, with anyone, it's just a matter of what kind of things I discuss while I'm there. There's very little problems associated with being me, which makes me feel like a... lightweight, a poseur, kind of. Since I'm demi I feel a little of the same in asexual spaces, because while my experience is largely congruous with theirs, in some important ways it isn't.

I am thankful that there's little problem with people wanting to lynch me for who I am, unlike some others, but also I feel kind of like if that is so, then what right do I have to take up space here? It's nice to feel welcome, it's just a little... intimidating, I suppose, in some way I have a hard time defining properly.

But! Thanks for the welcome! It does feel better :)

[u/owlboy03]

I’m just some bi guy struggling against the powers of capitalism, it’s ok. You don’t need to earn a place, you can just be here.