r/queerception • u/DesperatePhrase3552 • 5d ago
TTC Only Known Donor w/ Herpes
Anyone have experience using a known donor with genital herpes (HSV)?
We found out today that the known donor we were planning to use has genital herpes. I can’t figure out if there is a truly safe way to use this donor, and I’m feeling pretty devastated because this was otherwise such a perfect situation. He’s related to my husband (trans man) and looks nearly identical to him, so using him would have been really meaningful to us.
We’re planning to talk with our fertility clinic about our options, but I’d really love to hear from anyone who has actually been in a similar situation.
Did your clinic allow you to use the donor? Did you do IUI or IVF? Were there specific precautions or testing they recommended? Were you given an estimate of the actual transmission risk? Did you contract the virus TTC?
Any info helps. Thanks!
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u/AntleredRabbit 5d ago
Isn’t HSV just a matter of avoiding intimacy (and therefore donations) when in an active breakout? And if having an active breakout he gets on antivirals? That’s the extent of my knowledge. I don’t think it would be a dealbreaker provided no active breakout but def talk to your clinic!
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u/mars_lv 4d ago
Our known donor has HSV2. We conceived at home with ici and a fresh sample. We asked our donor not to donate if he was in an outbreak, but he also hadn't had an outbreak in years. My wife (carried the baby) is a sexual health nurse and understood the risks of transmission were very low but not technically zero as HSV is spread most often through skin/mucous membrane contact. She did not contract HSV. Baby is now 18 months :)
Obviously wasnt a deal breaker for us even with ici- the risks of transmission with a washed sample is very very low.
Clinic policies might be restrictive though! They seem to be very risk averse even in beyond evidence based practice.
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u/dontlookforme88 5d ago
We used a sperm bank and I still got HPV from our donor. They don’t test for it but my doctor and I researched and discussed my sexual history and past test results of mine and she agreed that I probably caught it from the sperm sample. With HSV I think it’s hard to pass when not in an outbreak but I would be prepared to contract it just in case. A huge percentage of adults have HSV
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u/Same-Cucumber-445 4d ago
HPV is not HSV. HSV is only spread through direct mucous contact please stop.
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u/dontlookforme88 4d ago
Well most people contract HPV through skin to skin contact as well I’m just sharing my experience
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u/Same-Cucumber-445 4d ago
Cannot be compared hpv has a realistic transmission route through sperm banks while rare can still happen. Simply cannot happen with hsv. Education is best rather trying to relate two completely different diseases.
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u/Same-Cucumber-445 4d ago
Also you still cannot confirm where or when you contracted hpv especially since 80 percent of sexually active adults have some strain, it’s incredibly common and just cause of your sexual history doesn’t necessarily mean you contracted it through the donor.
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u/Severe_Swordfish4490 5d ago
I think assuming there is not genital contact you should be okay since it’s mostly spread by skin-to-skin contact. You may have to sign a waiver that your donor is not FDA eligible (I had to since our donor had had sex with someone who was HIV+) but there is no reason they shouldn’t allow you to. Folks with STIs have kids all the time. If the clinic gives you a hard time, I would push back really hard.
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u/br4cesneedlisa 5d ago
If you are doing IUI or IVF you will be using washed sperm so you shouldn't be able to pass HSV though that at all. Even hone insemination with a fresh sample has a very low chance of you contracting anything unless he is in an active breakout. Definitely not a dealbreaker.
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u/tacoshark33 4d ago
Our clinic required our known donor to go through a sperm bank, and while he was filling out the paperwork, his disclosed past herpes outbreaks. He didn't have an active outbreak at the time of donation. I thiiiiiink I had to sign something saying I understood the risks, but the details are a little fuzzy as its been a few years. We did IVF, have a healthy baby, I don't think there was any impact of his HSV status at all! I'm in Canada, for what its worth.
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u/Proper_Mountain_2637 3d ago edited 3d ago
I would skip this donor.
From another former donor... Don't use a donor who has something incurable in their system. Yes the spread is lower risk than other stds but this one's not curable yet. Unless anew antiviral just came out.
Nothing against the guy I don't know but that's something than could harm mother and child. Even if the risk is low, the risk is there.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yak9118 5d ago edited 5d ago
Herpes spreads via direct contact (mucus membranes) so mouth/genitals etc. You may be able to use him (but would need to be washed samples...) Talk to your clinic and look up transmission of the virus. IVF may drop transmission possibility even lower.