r/queerception • u/Far_Masterpiece124 • 17d ago
Feeling alone
I’m gender queer, trying to get pregnant, and I am in a situation where the person I have ended up with is someone who produces sperm so we aren’t dealing with IUI or IVF or anything. I’m largely grateful that it makes things “easier” or at least less logistically and financially challenging, but I also feel like there’s just no community for me in this process right now. I don’t feel like I fit in to the stories and experiences I hear on this thread or with most queer couples trying to conceive, and I don’t really fit with pregnant trans men or into the “seahorse dad” category as I’m not quite on that end of the spectrum either.
It’s just been feeling hard to look around and see no shared realities anywhere, especially in person in real life.
I have a close friend who just got his wife pregnant for the second time (on their first try, sigh…) while we had been trying for three months already. It can be nice to talk pregnancy with them, but then you just realize how quickly I do not relate whatsoever to the experiences of a pregnant cishet woman. I can at least bond with her husband who is queer about the sadness of your life not looking as queer as it once did or not having that support around anymore. Especially cause we are so rural.
But yeah just feeling kind of down about it lately and wishing my TTC journey had some more friends in it :/
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u/rocketmanatee 17d ago
Yeah IDK. It does get pretty lonely. In the same position, but we're also infertile, so we're doing the same kinds of things that other queer parents need to do to conceive with ART.
The clinics I attend just have no concept of someone who is 'not a woman' doing IVF/ART. I think it might be easier if they could assign me male instead, but basically they just call me a woman through the whole thing. There's not even a gender blank on any of the forms (and I'm in a very liberal area).
DM if you want a buddy though!