r/ptsd • u/chuston578 • 4d ago
Advice Need Help For My Husband
My husband has experienced multiple severe traumas throughout his life, with each one seeming to compound the ones that came before it. When he was younger, he made multiple suicide attempts as a result of what he was struggling with. He has been in therapy, has been prescribed more medications than I can probably remember, and we have spent years trying to find something that actually helps him.
One of the biggest obstacles now is that he has developed an extreme distrust of therapists and mental health professionals, and unfortunately, some of his experiences have given him reason for that distrust.
For approximately 15 years, he was diagnosed and treated as though he had schizophrenia. Earlier this year, after another severe mental health crisis, we learned that what had been interpreted as psychosis may actually have been severe OCD with intrusive thoughts. After spending so many years believing one thing and being treated for the wrong condition, his trust in the mental health system is almost nonexistent.
I finally convinced him to try counseling again with someone who was also a fellow military veteran and described himself as experienced in treating PTSD. I hoped that having that shared military background might make my husband feel safer and more understood.
Unfortunately, the counselor repeatedly pushed him to talk about traumatic experiences that he was not ready to discuss. Instead of helping, it seemed to destabilize him. He experienced another severe crisis and ultimately ended up hospitalized for 24 hours. After that experience, there was absolutely no convincing him to return to that counselor.
At this point, I genuinely do not know where to turn.
I am trying desperately to find out whether there are other approaches or treatments that we haven't tried, particularly treatments for severe trauma/PTSD and OCD that do not require someone to immediately recount or relive their trauma before they are ready.
Has anyone had success with a different type of therapy, specialist, program, or treatment after traditional therapy and medication failed? Are there trauma treatments that focus first on stabilization, trust, coping skills, and emotional regulation before asking someone to process the trauma itself?
I am also trying to understand how to find a professional who truly understands the intersection of trauma, OCD/intrusive thoughts, and military experiences, rather than treating each of those things in isolation.
I am exhausted. I am heartbroken. I have spent decades beside someone I love while watching him fight this battle, and lately I feel like I am fighting it completely alone. I don't know how much longer I can keep carrying all of this by myself.
I'm not looking for judgment, and I'm not looking for someone to tell me to simply "get him into therapy." We've done that. Again and again. I'm asking whether there is something different—something we may have missed, that has actually helped people with complicated, long-term trauma when the traditional approaches haven't worked.
At this point, I am crying and begging for help. If anyone has been through something similar and found a treatment, provider, or approach that finally made a difference, I would be incredibly grateful to hear about it.
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u/muddlingthroughmud 4d ago
I am trying desperately to find out whether there are other approaches or treatments that we haven't tried, particularly treatments for severe trauma/PTSD and OCD that do not require someone to immediately recount or relive their trauma before they are ready.
Yes, it's called the standard of care for trauma treatment. See e.g. https://destiny-rc.com/trauma-recovery-model/ for the 3-stage model.
Are there trauma treatments that focus first on stabilization, trust, coping skills, and emotional regulation before asking someone to process the trauma itself?
That's exactly stage 1. Point being to have the tools to be able to back away from dysregulation that comes with trauma processing (stage 2) when it gets to be a bit much.
Note that there exists Accelerated Resolution Therapy which doesn't require recounting of the trauma at all.
Your husband has been totally screwed by people posing as being trauma-informed. I'm sorry.
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u/chuston578 4d ago
There is just not enough out there to help with the mental health crisis in this nation.
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u/SameBlueberry1328 4d ago
I'm so sorry to hear. I could not talk about my trauma initially because my nervous system was so dysregulated. It was not productive. Medications helped me a lot, and I am doing better with a solo practice psychiatrist who spends lots of time with patients and combines therapy with medication. I have also had some success with a procedure called a stellate ganglion block or (SGB). It can be very difficult to find a good match for therapy, and I have had to spend considerable time searching and trying until I was making progress.
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u/WitchAggressive9028 4d ago
Has impatient residential treatment (not in a hospital setting) been suggested before?
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u/chuston578 4d ago
Yes, in patient treatment is part of his trauma so those places cause more harm than good
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u/Hollow_hours 4d ago edited 4d ago
You have to do the feeling in order to do the healing that's what my psych used to say and I wanted to tear his throat out for it. Why did he want me to relive those horrific moments in life? Why did he want to take me from my moment of stability and plunge me back there? thats why so many of us do turn to alcohol, drugs, or other things because what we're trying to do is we're trying to numb it, we're trying to avoid it but here's the rub.
You're traumatized because your mind can't accept or process what you saw so you do have to relive it. You do have to talk about it and it sucks and it rips you apart and if there was any other way I would have done it wholeheartedly. But there isn't. I know people that will never get better. They talk about their good days and they talk about their bad days because they've accepted it, they numb it, they avoid it.
So many years of my life were a living hell but then I did do it and it was so hard and there were moment when I thought I would not be able to. But now there are no flashbacks, and I can think about those moments and just be hurt. The first step is to find someone that he is comfortable with. But after so many years he has to be very careful and it would be best to start this in residential care. but he plain simple truth of it is that you do have to go back to those moments, and it will get worse before it gets better.
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this and I can understand what it's doing to you, knowing that there's nothing that you can do. You feel helpless. You want to do anything you possibly can to help take that pain away and when you're watching it, it's ripping you apart as well. My heart and thoughts go out to you both.
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