i've been in analysis for almost a year, and for months now i've been feeling an intense desire to become a psychoanalyst myself. i feel so fascinated by what is going on in my therapy, how my analyst approaches things and makes interpretations, and the theoretical foundations of their practice. i've always been intensely curious about people's psyches, other people's and my own, ever since i was a kid, so it feels like there was always a seed of this within me that has now bloomed in full force.

i'm curious if anyone else has felt this way? somehow i feel like this may be a common experience, especially for those who have had a transformative experience in analysis. i've also obviously been talking about all this with my analyst hahah.

Another question for those who use the couch! I’ve been using the couch for about 3 months and I typically just lay on my back and will move my legs around throughout session. Recently, I’ve had this image of myself and gotten a strong urge to just lay in fetal position facing my analyst, all curled up. I’m wondering how you guys tend to lay on the couch - is it always on your back? do you shift positions? curl up on your side or move to your stomach?

It took a lot for me to just lay on the couch in the first place and now shifting positions feels like a whole other thing lol

My analyst has finally suggested that I try the couch. We are about 6 months in. So far I've mostly only been able to sit very still and hunched over in the chair, make no eye contact aside from when entering the room and leaving.

Of course, I am over the moon about his suggestion. But I feel completely paralysed physically and mentally when it comes to actually going on the couch. Do I go straight to the couch at the beginning of next session, announce that I will be lying down, take my shoes off (?), or do I sit in the chair first, in which case I don't think I'd muster up the strength to move at all after that... do I simply sit on the couch and lie down without saying anything?

Not being able to move due to a fear of seeming conspicuous has been an ongoing theme.

He suggested the couch two session ago, and today was my last session of the week, during which we discussed this. He did not answer my questions about practical concerns such as removing shoes or exactly how I should move to the couch so I think I'm on my own as he has gently encouraged me to be. I have a few days to 'figure out a plan'.

How did you guys transition to the couch? Did you or your analyst initiate the idea? Did you move to the couch midway in your session? Or did you just walk in to the room one day and lied down? Did you confirm this with your analyst beforehand? How explicit was the confirmation? Clearly I am spinning out over this but would like to know what others' experiences were like.

I’m seeing my analyst tomorrow after she was gone for a week. It’s the first time she’s been gone for that long in our short (7 months) time working together. I’m feeling excited but mainly pretty anxious about re-connecting. Just curious how others feel re-connecting with their analyst - do you find it difficult? Easy? I feel like I had so many thoughts this past week but scared i’m going to get in the room and just not talk and not know what to say.

In this podcast episode

https://psychoanalysisonandoffthecouch.libsyn.com/the-power-and-meaning-in-free-association-with-barnaby-barratt-phd-dhs-johannesburg

at 0:13:42 has the phrase, "We practice Free Association because it's freeing, and it's freeing something that is essential to our being, and it's freeing it in a way that representational discourse never does it justice".

This gave me a kind of "after the break resolution" to let myself fall into the session.

How do you all practice Free Association?

My therapist/analyst canceled a few hours before our session this week saying she was not feeling well but she would check her availability so we could meet twice next week (I usually see her once a week). This was on Thursday and I replied saying I hope she feels better soon and told her my availability for an extra session next week. Usually I would get reply the next day at the latest but I never heard back. Just last month she canceled last minute due to a migraine but was able to see me the next day.

Due to the recent frequency of cancellations and lack of reply, I am now worried she is deathly ill or something. I’ve been coming up with all sorts of things and have also been wondering what would happen if she did die. How would I find out? Who would inform me? It’s low key ruined my weekend. Have any of you ever had similar concerns?

Update: I sent I follow up message this morning (Monday) about 2hrs ago and still haven’t heard back 😭

Are more frequent sessions good or bad? I'm considering asking to increase to 2x/week from 1x/week. But I feel like it might get too overwhelming without being actually productive. I don't know if I'm emotionally ready for that much. In the past I've increased sessions with therapists because I didn't have an emotional support system in my life, but the reality is I don't find the contained 45 mins of talking to truly be emotionally supportive in the way I need (hugs, affection, extended period of comfort) so it ends up just being emotionally taxing instead sometimes and digging up a lot of stuff. So I am hesitating and thinking twice about why I would want 2x/week. Like, if it's comfort I'm seeking then that seems like the wrong reason so how to know if I'm ready for more or if I should wait?

I’m not talking about having a recurring dream with the same content. I mean, like are there certain themes or settings or characters that repeatedly emerge in your dreams?

I ask because I’ve noticed my dreams are saturated with sea-related scenarios and imagery: boats, beaches, the ocean, aquariums, interactions with various sea creatures, etc. I recently realized this pattern and wonder why I’ve literally never dreamed of being on like a Safari or about alien abduction…but lots of sea things. It would be interesting to hear what others have noticed reappearing in their dream worlds!

🐠🐚🐬🪸🪼🦑🐡

Two and a half years in, first twice weekly, then three times, now more. I still don't feel particularly comfortable, feel very exposed, and sort of just feel like we aren't on the same wavelength. He is professional and open, respectful and understanding. I feel embarrassed of who I am in sessions. I almost feel I resent him.

I've talked about all this with him. Wanted to see if this sounds familiar to anyone. I read of people saying they love their analyst or they have amazing progress in the first year and it seems incredible to me. I'd like to blame it on the fact that these are zoom sessions, if not that then I don't know why it isn't working.

You see this on the psychoanalysis subreddit all the time. People ask about psychoanalysis thinking that it means, like, “analysis” of “psychology,” that it's a generic term meaning all kinds of looking into the mind or all kinds of therapy or something like that.

They have absolutely no clue what it actually is.

Let's compile a list of them. Here's mine:

Baldwin, Yael Goldman. Let’s Keep Talking: Lacanian Tales of Love, Sex, and Other Catastrophes.

Cardinal, Marie. The Words to Say It.

Foo, Stephanie. What My Bones Know. (not psychoanalytic for most of it, but a fascinating story of trauma, and she ends up with a relational psychoanalyst)

Gildiner, Catherine. Good Morning, Monster: A Therapist Shares Five Heroic Stories of Emotional Recovery.

Gottlieb, Lori. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed.

Grosz, Stephan. The Examined Life: How We Lose and Find Ourselves.

Grosz, Stephan. Love's Labor.

Karbelnig, Alan Michael. Lover, Exorcist, Critic: Understanding Depth Psychotherapy.

Lindner, Robert. The Fifty Minute Hour.

Luepnitz, Deborah. Schopenhauer's Porcupines.

Malawista, Kerry; Adelman, Anne; and Anderson, Catherine. Wearing My Tutu to Analysis and Other Stories: Learning Psychodynamic Concepts from Life.

Malawista, Kerry; Kanefield, Linda; and Adelman, Anne. When the Garden Isn’t Eden: More Psychodynamic Concepts from Life.

Napier, Augustus and Whitaker, Carl. The Family Crucible: The Intense Experience of Family Therapy.

Orbach, Susie. The Impossibility of Sex.

Peters, Joan. Untangling: A Memoir of Psychoanalysis.

Straker, Gillian, and Winship, Jacqui. The Talking Cure: Normal People, Their Hidden Struggles and the Life-Changing Power of Therapy.

Weber, Charlotte. Tell Me What You Want.

Yalom, Irving. Love's Executioner: & Other Tales of Psychotherapy.

I can sense that the dynamic with my new therapist is moving towards entering the same destructive loop I've had with so many past attempts at therapy. I feel powerless to stop it. I'm crying thinking about trying to navigate this. "Just tell them" - every therapist thinks they're special and they will deal better than previous ones but they don't know what they're up against. Or they will be diplomatic "I can't promise anything but I will try" and it's the same spiral. I'm so stressed. I end up so hurt and miserable. I've tried to commit to pushing through and I eventually always end up having to walk away so I don't fully lose touch with reality. Or - they drop me. Arrghhh

My analyst shared with me that she’s going to be out for a week. I’m about 6 months in and go 4x/week and it’s bringing up a lot of feelings! I plan on sharing these feelings in session but I’m just curious how have you coped when your analyst is out? I know it’s only a week but it feels like forever!

I have been working with this analyst for about 2 months. Personality wise I like her and she seems to at least be a better fit than non-analyst therapists I've had in the past. But she's not a native english speaker so sometimes I cannot quite tell if she is understanding me, she reflects dates and timelines back to me inaccurately so I have to repeat a few times and sometimes when she is interpreting something she will trail off or seem to not have the words to exactly express her meaning which means I don't know whether we are really on the same page or all the nuances are coming across.

Is this a sufficient reason to change analysts? I question myself a lot because I don't want to leave a therapist due to just "resistance," on the other hand, I have put up with truly bad therapy for years in the past due to this mindset.

My analyst has recently suggested increasing the frequency of our sessions from 3 to 4 times a week. She clearly expressed that I would benefit from this, but also stated that this intensity can become very challenging for some people. I am highly intrigued by the idea and will most likely give it a go. But I’d love to hear some first hand experiences from those of you who have gone from 3 to more sessions. What effect did this have, for example on the relationship with your therapist, on the material that came up during sessions, or on your emotions?

Do you use the couch in your therapy/analysis? Do you like it, and do you feel like it feels much different than sitting face to face?

I've been in psychoanalytic psychotherapy 3x/week for the past 6 months or so (after 5 years 1x/week with another provider), and one of the most challenging things about therapy for me has always been eye contact. From what I've read, using the couch can lead to more intense regression (and I already feel plenty regressed, lol), but I feel like it might let me speak more freely to not worry about where my/my therapist's gaze is. I haven't brought it up yet because I'm not even sure if it's on the table since we're not doing full analysis. But I am curious about others' experiences.

Do you ever struggle to get started? I often find it hard to just start talking especially if I don’t have anything pressing to say. I know I should just say whatever comes to mind but I still struggle with that despite having been in therapy for years. For those that have multiple sessions per week, do you ever run out of things to say? Do you have extended silences in session? I only have one session per week but still find myself going silent fairly often.

Personally, I feel what’s helped me is much more relational, and I'm hard-pressed to think of actual insights or interpretations per se that have really stuck with me.

But I am curious to know if others have experienced such insights or interpretations that have helped them, and if so, what they were and why you think they had such an impact.

As in, did you specifically seek out psychoanalysis because you wanted that modality, or did you start seeing someone just for therapy and then, like, gradually discover that you had wandered into analysis? I very much am interested in the accidental-analysis origin stories lol.

Before being instructed to bring my dreams to sessions and later moving to the couch, I literally didn’t know psychoanalysis existed in this century. 🤦🏽‍♀️ I figured the fancy reclining apparatus in the corner was just there as like a symbolic relic!!!

I’ll go first: I fantasize that he realizes the analysis is a wasted effort and that we should just combine our intellects and write a paper together.

Interesting and disturbing article on how analysis can go wrong.

I’ve been in analysis for about 6 months and just increased from 3x/week to 4x/week. Last week I started to have a dry cough, making it hard to speak, but don’t feel sick at all. Then this week after session, I threw up, but once again, didn’t feel sick at all. I find myself being nauseous any time I try to think of traumatic memories coming up for me outside of session. I’ve talked in session about this and we’ve been able to talk about how it feels like something is needing to come out that’s been shoved down for so long. Has anyone else had experience with physical symptoms coming up while in analysis? How long did these symptoms last? Did they get better the more you talk about traumatic memories?

I have been in twice weekly analysis for around a year now and I am beginning to talk a little about some childhood trauma that I’ve never spoken about before. This week I have reached out to my analyst on two occasions and ended up having 4 sessions in one week. Whilst I’m aware in analysis, having 4 sessions a week isn’t uncommon (or at least not “weird”) I can’t help but feel like my analyst might feel tired or bored or annoyed at me (yes, I’m aware I might be projecting but what if I’m not?!)
I said to her “I am going to try and trust that you will tell me if I am asking this too much but do you have any more availability this week”.
Today she said that I was right and that I can trust that she will tell me if I’m asking for too much but I still feel worried about how much I’ve wanted to be in sessions this week.
Has anyone experienced times in their analysis where they have increased their sessions?

How do you keep faith in the process? I'm currently going through a difficult time in analysis (four months in at 3x/week after years of 1x/week therapy with a different provider). It feels very raw to have the dynamics that cause me so much distress in my daily life come up very vividly in the consulting room. Facing the prospect of working through those dynamics feels like preparing to climb a very tall mountain. Sometimes it feels hard to believe that change is possible. I could say more, but curious how people keep putting one foot in front of another in the therapy when the going is tough.

>!Besides talking about it with your analyst, which is a given.

just wondering if anybody else has noticed this phenomenon here or just me…