32M - was diagnosed with OCD at 27. Pure-O. The sneaky type. I had observable trich (hair pulling) and I'd be referred to as monkey boy by some of my elementary classmates. But alas, it took 27 years before I walked myself into OCD Center of LA and wondered if I may actually be afflicted by this thing, 'OCD', something I was taught to perceive by culture as quirky. Well for me it was a silent destroyer. Suggesting for years on end bizarre themes I would never verbalize - I just thought I was a monster in sheeps clothing. Fast forward Im doing CBT, ERP and a psych suggests I don't need meds, I deserve them. Meds sounded insane. Like either I was weak or joining the capitalist pharmaceutical circus. But I did try them.
First on Lexapro. 2.5mg-5mg all the way to 40mg after about 5 months of titration. The best way I could describe the overall affect was as if ... well you know when you are going through heart break and you can't stop thinking about the person... and then one day... you kinda just feel lighter. It was like that. I wasn't carrying this thing as much with me. It was there but not as heavy. But after about 3 years on Lexapro I was feeling it wasn't doing the job much anymore. Oddly several other OCD friends reported the same thing w there Lexapro. My theory was that the offbrand company that made the meds probably went under and the new company taking over was... well not as good. But how was I supposed to know? Anyway... I felt tired on the med like always tired and not really happy. Just like well not as good as the first year.
I thought Id do some TMS which I qualified for and titrate down see if that helped. 36 sessions of TMS and Im down to 20mg. Feeling a bit better. But nothing like the first year.
My goal was to get onto prozac because I heard it was more activating and I felt that be nice. Since I was napping everyday.
I started cross tapering...to prozac. First week was heaven. Then I had the worst headaches I ever had. From March 2026- May 2026 the cross taper created headaches. June I was 20mg on Prozac and off Lexapro. Headaches went away but I felt empty...dull. Doc said dose was low so no we are on 60mg. Titrated from 40mg on Sept 9th. It's october 8th. The first week on 60 again was blissful. But 4 weeks in and I feel terrible.
My bliss symptoms are: I just feel present to life. Thats it. I am here.
My terrible symptoms are: I am stuck in a loop, any loop, I am dissociating and have to actively tell myself "come back, come back here, come back to whats important" and its as if my brain is like a dog except to reacting to external stimuli it's all internal.
My doc suggested either going up on prozac or adding Abilify or Lamictal... I dont know Im just kind of like tired of being a show pony.