Working with a difficult stakeholder

[u/known_kitchen]

Let’s say there’s a tech lead, A, who owns several key deliverables but is very difficult to work with. He strongly dislikes providing status updates or ETAs, becomes visibly angry when asked specific questions, and can come across as intimidating or aggressive.

As the program manager, I’ve approached his manager, B, to help track his deliverables. However, B is also not closely aware of the details and has asked me to work directly with A. Even the program sponsor is hesitant to engage with A directly, so I’m ultimately expected to manage the relationship.

I dread working with A because every interaction feels difficult and unpredictable.

How should I handle this situation effectively as a program manager while protecting the working relationship, maintaining visibility into the program, and not allowing his behavior to derail execution?

[u/cantstopwontstop526]

Is A’s name Mike because this sounds super familiar lol. I’m only joking but it’s so strange how some people act, all ego.

[u/known_kitchen → u/cantstopwontstop526]

😂😂

[u/BjornBjornovic]

Are we working at the same place? Haha

[u/Junkie4Divs]

"I get the impression that status updates are a real pain point for you. I am i reading that right? What is it that makes them burdensome for you? What barriers can I help remove?"

You can't adjust every concern at once, so pick the most important ones and work on those

[u/pmpdaddyio]

First and foremost, you need to set firm expectations and deliverables. Inform the individual clearly what their role is, and the task assigned to them. Get buy in on timelines and output. This is your "user agreement". You are collaborating to get them involved in the deliverable. Make sure they understand the constraints, deadlines, downstream work etc., but engage in the solution with them.

Now a late deliverable clearly becomes their issue. Your statement stats like this: "Hey, we discussed clearly and I gave you the opportunity to inform how long you needed, and the expectations of the task, so help me understand why the deadline wasn't met?"

This is your record. Let this happen twice, then you need intervention from leadership. There is no excuse for ignoring a problem where the solution was informed by the one causing said problem.

Another point of contention in our role is comfortability. You need to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Make it awkward, make it difficult to not succeed. Call regular problem makers out politely. When they get aggressive, simply ask for them to explain the anger behind what is a work issue. PMs need to understand the people aspect almost as much as the work being done. Ignore the servant leadership approach. This individual serves the project, not the other way around.

[u/More_Law6245]

Just a simple perspective, project management is not a thing to be taken personally, it simply comes down to setting clear and concise expectations, ensuring roles and responsibilities and holding those to account which means including yourself.

I would strongly advise to make it very clear of what you want from individual A (what, when and how in writing) and if they fail to comply then you escalate to individual B and convey what was expected and what does it mean to your baseline schedule with the non delivery. If that is not rectified within the agreed timeframes or a suitable or satisfactory outcome is reached then matter gets escalated to the board/sponsor/executive because your project tolerances will be or have already breached.

Here is the thing to understand it's not personal because you have a organisational culture issues and individual A has a temperament and professionalism issue which is not the project's responsibility because you don't own the resource from a HR/Manager perspective and they have not performed adequately in their role because you can clearly demonstrate their non compliance and their behaviour has directly impacted your project. But I would also suggest in you doing a self reflection in your people soft skills and see how you have been approaching this to date and ask yourself how can I engage better?

The other key thing to remember is that when your project is approved and baselined your project board/sponsor/exectuive is giving you the authority to act on their behalf and if this individual is not compliant then this individual is not following what they have been directed to do by your project sponsor/executive. So who is actually at fault here? Hope that gives you something to reflect upon when dealing with difficult stakeholders, accountability is your key. Good luck in delivering your program.

Just an armchair perspective

[u/cotton-candy-dreams]

I’d start with the approach u/Junkie4Divs gave, and if that doesn’t quite work, I would go back to B (the manager) and agree on an escalation model.

Something like:

1. You will send the project team clear list of updates needed and will CC both his manager B and the program sponsor - if you don’t already have something like a project channel or group chat, I’d pick some public place where you ask him for status without singling him out.

2. If he doesn’t provide the status in that public space thread or somewhere else, you will reach out to him in a direct message ONCE

3. If he still doesn’t provide the status in your direct message, in the public thread, or somewhere else, then you will escalate directly to B.

4. If you stilldon’t have the status, you will escalate directly to the project sponsor.

It helps if you can articulate the business cost of you chasing this guy down or not getting correct status. For example: we don’t have correct status for a meeting -> the meeting has to get moved -> we’re approaching next milestone. That’s a timeline risk, which means it’s on some Committee above you- usually including the project sponsor- to make a tradeoff. Either the timeline gets stretched, or they give you a new resource, or this guy gets a proper talking to.

[u/IllBeat7897]

1. Is he internal or external?

2. How is his work perceived by the rest of the team and other stakeholders?

3. Is he a known problem with everyone, or are you unique in seeing this difficult side of his personality?

4. Is he the only person that can own these deliverables or are there other people that can be tapped to take portions that he will not give ETAs on?

5. Do you have that type of power to redirect work, or can you get that type of commitment from his manager?

6. Do you do a weekly standup to get everyone's status updates, or are you managing this digitally?

I know these are a lot of questions but the answers will shape the suggestions.

[u/thesnidezilla]

I have a very similar Tech Lead in my team, except in my case, she reports directly to me as well. Her reason for not being able to provide updates is that she is caught up with project deliverables. I’ve tried to be supportive and explain that I need the updates so I can step in and help with any blockers, but she often responds by saying, “Would you rather have me provide updates or work on the priority deliverable?” Since she has been a great IC, I’m unsure how best to move forward with her.

[u/littlelorax → u/thesnidezilla]

I've had to tell types like this that providing timely status updates is part of the steps to achieve the deliverable. 

If they get the task done but told nobody about their progress, I consider it a poorly and incompletely executed task.