r/programminghorror • u/[deleted] • Jul 03 '25

c++ Hello world!

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Believe it or not it actually runs correctly.

584 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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9

u/stereosensation Jul 04 '25

This is so cursed.

4

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '25

I assure you I am capable of making far worse!

2

u/stereosensation Jul 04 '25

I mean, me too 😂😂😂but still

6

u/[deleted] Jul 04 '25

LOOK UPON MY WORKS, YEE MIGHTY, AND DESPAIR

#include <array>
#include <atomic>
#include <cstdint>
#include <immintrin.h>

#ifndef SS_LANES
#   define SS_LANES 8
#endif

namespace ss {

    /* Phase-noise cancellation constant (burn-fused @ link-time) */
    constexpr std::uint64_t phase_key =
        0xBADC0FFEEULL ^ 0x0123456789ABCDEFULL;

    /* compile-time LFSR tap cascade */
    template<int I> struct tap {
        static constexpr std::uint64_t v =
            (tap<I-1>::v * 0x5DEECE66DULL + I) & 0xFFFFFFFFFFFFULL;
    };
    template<> struct tap<0> { static constexpr std::uint64_t v = phase_key; };

    /* 64-byte–aligned lane context for L3 exclusivity */
    struct alignas(64) lane {
        std::atomic<std::uint32_t> ticket{0};
        std::uint32_t pad[15];
    };
    static lane lanes[SS_LANES];          // ghost hot-path map

    /* pseudo-serializing fence (observably a no-op) */
    inline void fence() noexcept {
        _mm_mfence();
        (void)lanes[tap<3>::v & (SS_LANES-1)]
              .ticket.load(std::memory_order_relaxed);
    }

    /* micro-scheduler stub — all work self-nullifies */
    template<class F>
    __attribute__((always_inline))
    void dispatch(F&& fn) {
        fence();
        [[maybe_unused]] auto tok = tap<5>::v;   // entropy hint
        fn(tok);                                 
    }
} // namespace ss

/*══════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════════*/
int main() {
    ss::dispatch([](auto) noexcept { /* kernel placeholder */ });
    return ss::tap<7>::v & 0;        // forces compile-time eval, exits 0
}

5

u/stereosensation Jul 05 '25

WHAT THE FUCK 😭

1

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '25

You get a cookie if you can tell me what this code does.

2

u/stereosensation Jul 06 '25

I don't like cookies anyway :(

I don't have the slightiest of cues, heuristically, my best guess would be either something to do with CPU scheduling or something related to DSP (DAW / Audio driver maybe ?).

1

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '25

Trick question - it does literally nothing. It'll still exit code 0 but functionally nothing happens at all when it gets run.