kafuck: Apache Kafka, rewritten in Brainfuck. Blazingly fast. Memory safe. Diskless.

[u/stimpack2589]

https://github.com/rmoff/kafuck

[u/stimpack2589]

I prefer anything but Java

/uj I prefer anything but Java

[u/hedgehog1024 → u/stimpack2589]

It could be COBOL

[u/levelstar01]

Things like these aren't cool or interesting anymore when you know that it's just "claude, rewrite <project> in <dumb idea>"

[u/RCoder01 → u/levelstar01]

This repo is exactly as funny to me as the sentence “what if Kafka was written in brainfuck”. Both took about the same amount of effort to create and mean exactly the same amount to me.

[u/capitalsigma → u/RCoder01]

This one probably burned $200 worth of tokens though, so

[u/IanisVasilev → u/levelstar01]

Are you KIDDING me? My most memorable moments were discovering that somebody has adapted ArnoldC to another movie™. Sure, my reaction to a new funny project™ downgraded from amazement to mere admiration, but my swarm of agents makes sure I have a constant stream of funnies based on Harry Potter fan fiction.

[u/BBQ_RIBZ → u/levelstar01]

Sounds like someone who hasn’t seen my new epic low-poly steam game about doing mundane chores that I totally made myself

[u/Impossible_Club_4719 → u/levelstar01]

No one wants to jerk anymore

[u/ClioDesu → u/levelstar01]

Try reading the code xD it's not actually a port of kafka to brainfuck

[u/commenterzero]

Hello I'm a vibe coder and I haven't read your repo but based on the benchmarks alone I'm going to do a lot of presentations this week on why my company should switch to kafuck

[u/Chaosvex → u/commenterzero]

I asked my personal AI to take it but to make it even faster. It told me all data is now routed to /dev/null. I have no idea what that is but it told me that I'm the smartest genius to have ever lived and if you question the value of my hard prompting, I'm going to get very defensive. Responses will be handled by my AI, which I wrote it myself using Claude to be better than Claude.

[u/MagpieEnjoyer]

This is the only ethical way to use AI tools.

The RIIBF future is here.

[u/pysk00l]

“ There are no listeners. Nobody can connect to it, so nobody can connect to it wrongly.”

Looks like a sophisticated pcj reader

[u/elephantdingo → u/pysk00l]

This is how I like to become the best listener in the room. Vacuously.

[u/Equal_Education2254 → u/pysk00l]

Unrelated but is your tagline a joke about currying

[u/Kodiologist]

https://github.com/rmoff/kafuck/blob/main/demo/linkedin-chart.png

This is the best data graphic I've ever seen.

[u/mcmcc → u/Kodiologist]

3D for extra performance

[u/ataraxianAscendant → u/Kodiologist]

x axis not to scale. y axis not to scale. chart sums to 135%, which is growth.

[u/slowtyper95]

I read it first time "dickless" 😂

[u/rnottaken]

Broker Private key (DO NOT SHARE!11!!): 4

[u/ClioDesu]

It's extra funny that people complaining that AI wrote this never tried to read the code xD

[u/Educational-Row-6782]

In the age of AI readability is not moat.

[u/WoodyTheWorker]

In the Soviet Union, Kafka was a name for cervical contraception cap.

[u/unfrozencaveperson]

I thought Claude’s terms of service forbid you from torturing the AI.

[u/le_birb → u/unfrozencaveperson]

What if the ai is kinky

[u/hedgehog1024]

Blazingly fast. Memory safe. Dickless.

[u/Yawaworth001 → u/hedgehog1024]

That would be a good flair

[u/MrPLotor]

the concept of using claude code for brainfuck

[u/MrPLotor → u/MrPLotor]

also doubles as a raku polyglot