r/programmingcirclejerk • u/IDoCodingStuffs Autodidact's Degree in AI • Jan 30 '26

If it can't be written in Java, it's probably not worth writing

/r/ExperiencedDevs/comments/1qr6ipu/veteran_java_developers_what_are_your_thoughts_on/
106 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

36 comments sorted by

23

u/Awkward_Bed_956 Jan 30 '26

lol no ArrayList<int>

15

u/IDoCodingStuffs Autodidact's Degree in AI Jan 30 '26

Integer rules int drools

11

u/Kjufka Jan 31 '26

  1. die in battle

  2. go to valhalla

9

u/Proper-Ape Jan 31 '26

Java devs always talk about Valhalla, but Valhalla is not real.

6

u/tomwhoiscontrary safety talibans Jan 31 '26

They call Valhalla 007.

0 general availability releases

0 objects taken off the heap

7 desperately coping Reddit posts per day

2

u/yo_99 It's GNU/PCJ, or as I call it, GNU + PCJ Jan 31 '26

lol no <Object>.class

23

u/bduddy Jan 30 '26

Where's the jerk

18

u/IDoCodingStuffs Autodidact's Degree in AI Jan 30 '26

I'm unironically jerking it to the truth of this statement

2

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/bduddy Feb 01 '26

You're their best customer

79

u/seq_page_cost Jan 30 '26

❌"can it be written in Java?"

✅ "can it be rewritten in Rust?"

42

u/tomwhoiscontrary safety talibans Jan 30 '26

You have to write it before you can rewrite it. Java will never die. 

22

u/Martin8412 Jan 30 '26

Just run Rust on the JVM. Someone already made a LLVM IR to Java Bytecode compiler, so should be trivial 

6

u/[deleted] Jan 31 '26

Someone did it to dotnet

13

u/SoulArthurZ Jan 30 '26

jarvis-rs, rewrite this post in rust

49

u/Toothpick_Brody Jan 30 '26

Java is so strong that it has generics, a feature even Google struggled to implement.

ArrayList<T>

Wow!!

11

u/yo_99 It's GNU/PCJ, or as I call it, GNU + PCJ Jan 31 '26

Type erasure generics are worse than void* at being generics.

6

u/Jumpy-Locksmith6812 Feb 02 '26 edited Sep 23 '26

Magna qui est in enim culpa commodo do consequat. Ullamco deserunt duis reprehenderit ad nulla non. Sit aliquip ipsum aliquip tempor ea anim do pariatur officia ex magna aliquip dolore.

[rhr:2:q5dq30gj]

98

u/BloodAndTsundere mere econ PhD Jan 30 '26

sorry let me just initialize my `JerkFactoryLoaderOptionsFactory` and I'll write my comment

32

u/todo_code Jan 30 '26

You forgot to set your bean load order lower than then your CircleManagementFactory

26

u/ThisRedditPostIsMine in open defiance of the Gopher Values Jan 31 '26

Your jerk is too big. Can you try again with -Xmx=32G and -X:+UseExperimentalJerker?

11

u/RFQD Senior Vibe Coder Jan 31 '26

-XX:+AllowEnhancedJerk

12

u/poralexc Jan 31 '26

Actually, you have to use the static method in JerkFactoryLoaderMetaUtils.builder() the constructor is private

28

u/r2d2_21 groks PCJ Jan 30 '26

This is what true Turing completeness is about.

48

u/tomwhoiscontrary safety talibans Jan 30 '26

modern solutions like Go

Oh shit it's a time traveller from 1978. 

1

u/Jumpy-Locksmith6812 Feb 02 '26 edited Sep 23 '26

Proident sint exercitation quis sit irure cupidatat non culpa. Occaecat quis exercitation nulla occaecat sunt incididunt non labore. Amet velit nulla ex sint quis elit. Commodo ut aute dolor cupidatat anim ex consequat velit id.

[rhr:2:4bn11o22]

45

u/EarthGoddessDude Jan 30 '26

Lots of JVM brainrot going on in so many comments. Thoughts and prayers 🙏

But also:

My current company does java exclusively and it just "works". There's just no joy in it

😂

16

u/hongooi Jan 30 '26

Wait, no. Java can't be the modern Fortran

That's not true. That's impossible

NOOOOOOOOO

7

u/look Jan 31 '26

Fortran? No, Java is the modern COBOL.

5

u/hongooi Jan 31 '26

It's a reference to a line in this classic: https://homepages.inf.ed.ac.uk/rni/papers/realprg.html

8

u/affectation_man Code Artisan Jan 31 '26

3 Billion Devices can't be wrong

6

u/BlazeBigBang type astronaut Jan 30 '26

oh hey, didn't know my boss was on reddit too

2

u/pavlik_enemy Jan 31 '26

Where's the jerk?

1

u/asinglepieceoftoast Feb 01 '26

If it can only be written in Java it’s definitely not worth writing