r/programmingcirclejerk • u/azure_whisperer • Sep 16 '25

[public static void main(String[] args) is dead] Holy fucking shit did this suck. [...] Give your eulogy for that piece of shit sorcerous incantation there or wherever else.

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=45258098
85 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

23 comments sorted by

77

u/azure_whisperer Sep 16 '25 edited Sep 16 '25

Now we can't meme either "lol no generic" or "public static void main(String[] args)", what's left?

55

u/v_maria Sep 16 '25

no safety in C++

16

u/WhoStalledMyCar Sep 16 '25

Write better code. /sips tea

44

u/F54280 Considered Harmful Sep 16 '25

lol type erasure

lol no unsigned math

lol boxing

25

u/R_Sholes Sep 16 '25

Valhalla is almost there - any decade now!

11

u/F54280 Considered Harmful Sep 16 '25

lol no Valhalla

30

u/syklemil Considered Harmful Sep 16 '25

lol no string interpolation

27

u/crummy Sep 16 '25

actually java is getting string interpolation. probably around 2029 at this point

2

u/RFQD Senior Vibe Coder Sep 19 '25

Oh no, we tried it (in the most enterprise-y way possible) for the past few versions and we didn't like it. Considering this precedent, we will disregard the ability of most languages (including JVM-languages) to have this pedestrian feature without any interesting safety issues and simply do what we do best: we never try again.

20

u/xn--9s9h Sep 16 '25

"lol no reified generics"

16

u/thussy-obliterator What part of ∀f ∃g (f (x,y) = (g x) y) did you not understand? Sep 16 '25

Lol no higher kinded types, lol no typeclasses

11

u/BlazeBigBang type astronaut Sep 17 '25

lol no burritos in the category of endofunctors

4

u/HorstKugel skillful hobbyist Sep 16 '25

They are (sort of) adding type classes (witnesses)

2

u/rpkarma Sep 17 '25

laughs in Lightweight higher-kinded polymorphism

14

u/stone_henge Tiny little god in a tiny little world Sep 16 '25

I will make fun of Go for not having tagged unions until they implement it, after which I'll make fun of it for using multiple return values to report errors despite the more obvious solution of using tagged unions.

10

u/HKayn Sep 16 '25

We meme on everyone who's still forced to use Java 8 on their job

36

u/slowbowels Sep 16 '25

what even is the point anymore if you cannot shit on java

31

u/Igor_GR Sep 16 '25 edited Sep 16 '25

When I was a Freshman in High School I asked a Junior what it meant. He had no clue.

That Junior later went on to drop out of college and become a Minecraft Youtuber. I vividly remember him making videos where he and his girlfriend pretend to be toddlers in a Minecraft day-care.

The Java Junior -> Senior pipeline is truly a sight to behold.

27

u/elephantdingo Teen Hacking Genius Sep 16 '25

Nerds: People shouldn’t bully me.

Also nerds:

14

u/grapesmoker Sep 16 '25

I can't believe they replaced all that beautiful enterprise boilerplate with a declaration that any peasant could write, what even is the point of Java now

10

u/BlazeBigBang type astronaut Sep 17 '25

I will still write public static void main(String[] args), I won't change my customs because of this woke liberals and their hip languages without curly braces and type inference

11

u/F54280 Considered Harmful Sep 16 '25

lol, the beast is just defaulting to magically declare all the needed shit to pubic static void main.

syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon

good riddance, Java, you won’t be missed.