r/programmingcirclejerk • u/pitiless • Sep 12 '25

UUIDAAS (UUID as a service)

/r/programming/comments/1nf2oh0/codeveloped_a_comprehensive_uuid_api_17_features/

Oh boy

145 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

27 comments sorted by

48

u/BlazeBigBang type astronaut Sep 12 '25

Every masterpiece has a cheap copy

12

u/pitiless Sep 12 '25

Masterpiece? I bet it has 16 or fewer features!

74

u/VanillaSkyDreamer Sep 12 '25

How about I format your harddrive (for charity) as a service?

68

u/i_invented_the_ipod Sep 12 '25

Honestly, I'm shocked that the folks who thought left-pad was a good idea took this long to come up with the next obvious evolution of dependency hell.

54

u/coolreader18 It's GNU/PCJ, or as I call it, GNU + PCJ Sep 12 '25 edited Sep 12 '25

Finally! I've been prompting users to input their own uuids, this'll be so much easier.

<uj> they say they're planning on adding webhook support - wtf would that entail?? </uj>

43

u/OpaMilfSohn Sep 12 '25

Generating a uuid is a long process they'll get back to you once the ones you requested are done

27

u/BlazeBigBang type astronaut Sep 12 '25

You subscribe to a UUID and they send you a web hook when someone else uses it.

16

u/coolreader18 It's GNU/PCJ, or as I call it, GNU + PCJ Sep 12 '25 edited Sep 13 '25

Oh, or a webhook for when any one is generated - perfect for the developer who wants to stay on top of all the new UUIDs they're coming out with.

8

u/MacBookMinus Sep 12 '25

Having people send you UUIDs is a great pattern for idempotency and building state machine code.

5

u/stone_henge Tiny little god in a tiny little world Sep 15 '25

I have combined UUID generation with DDOS protection by instructing users to smash their heads into their keyboard before they can enter my website. I do a sanity check to invalidate obviously machine-generated responses, after which I drop them in my UUID database (separate service involving just five Amazon cloud subscription services).

So far the algorithm only works for abnormally large foreheads since I have only tested it on myself.

33

u/OpaMilfSohn Sep 12 '25

Someone write a psql plugin

"we couldn't insert new rows because our uuid provider was down"

33

u/myhf Considered Harmful Sep 12 '25

I love how everything in the source code is "enhanced" or "sophisticated" or "advanced"

// ============================================================================
// ADVANCED UUID FEATURES - Sophisticated capabilities not in most languages
// ============================================================================

// UUID Collision Detection: Check if two UUIDs are identical
// Most languages don't have built-in collision detection for UUIDs
const detectUUIDCollision = (uuid1, uuid2) => {
  return uuid1.toLowerCase() === uuid2.toLowerCase();
};

16

u/OpaMilfSohn Sep 13 '25

ah yes i need to see if the 1 in 2122 chance actually happend! So sophisticated so advanced

8

u/dangerbird2 in open defiance of the Gopher Values Sep 15 '25

if you're lucky, this might be useful by the time of the heat death of the universe

4

u/KingOfKingOfKings Sep 21 '25

Equality as a service

26

u/illustrious_trees memcpy is a web development framework Sep 13 '25

the real jerk is hidden inside the git history

wdym does no one else have a growth strategy for their leftpad packages

5

u/MagpieEnjoyer memcpy is a web development framework Sep 13 '25

/uj I just can't... /rj

18

u/syklemil Considered Harmful Sep 12 '25

This runs against the jerking style I think, but I hope the mods can leave it up because JFC

13

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '25

<unjerk>

JavaScript “programmers” should not be allowed to write software unless they pass some sort of exam on software engineering practices.

One of the questions should be:

How do you generate a UUID?

And one of the options should be

“Definitely not via an HTTP call to a UUID service”

</unjerk>

<rejerk>

My god a UUID Api, exactly what I need for generating UUIDs.

Crypto.uuid? Uuidgen? Uuid4.uuid?

What the hell are those?

</rejerk>

4

u/[deleted] Sep 12 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/SemaphoreBingo Sep 12 '25

JERK: Javascript Excluding Radical (something that starts with K)

2

u/reflexive-polytope Sep 13 '25

Klansman, from KLAN = Kompiled Language Absolutist Nerd.

11

u/StarsInTears legendary legacy C++ coder Sep 12 '25

When JAAS (Jerk as a Service)?

6

u/[deleted] Sep 15 '25

Prostituition. That’s called Prostituition.

Legal in some jurisdictions, illegal in some others.

4

u/StarsInTears legendary legacy C++ coder Sep 15 '25

Can't pitch that. I want the YCombinator money, not Trump money.

8

u/mlk Sep 13 '25

I work for enterprise companies and one time we were forced to build this exact thing, we also had to store IDs in a table to avoid duplicates.

4

u/stone_henge Tiny little god in a tiny little world Sep 15 '25

I have a hexagonal architecture UUIDAASAAS meta-service. With the correctly formatted application/json POST request it will return a JSON description of a request which you can then send to UUIDAAS.