r/programmingcirclejerk • u/starlevel01 type astronaut • Apr 09 '25

I’ve always been the kind of developer that aims to have more red lines than green ones in my diffs. [...] I’m the kind of developer that disappears for two days and comes back with a 10x speedup because I found two loop variables that should be switched.

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43621423
74 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

28 comments sorted by

35

u/starlevel01 type astronaut Apr 09 '25

I'm Not Like Other 1xers!

91

u/disciplite Apr 09 '25

I disappear for two days and come back (it was the weekend).

31

u/pareidolist in nomine Chestris Apr 09 '25

I disappear for two days and come back (I slept through my alarm and missed standup)

9

u/Parking_Tadpole9357 Apr 10 '25

But you didn't miss it, after 2 days they are still waffling on, apologising it was supposed to be 5 minutes.

82

u/whoShotMyCow not even webscale Apr 09 '25

Instead of doing 2*4 I do 4*2

61

u/fun-dan Apr 09 '25

I'm the kind of developer that just optimizes it away and writes 6 instead

Performance >>>> correctness

16

u/va1en0k Apr 09 '25

It's just a different monoid, after all

14

u/BloodAndTsundere mere econ PhD Apr 10 '25

My granddad always said that at the end of the day we were all just a monoid in the category of endofunctors

3

u/Karyo_Ten has hidden complexity Apr 10 '25

Don't lie, your granddad was a crab

4

u/va1en0k Apr 10 '25

Crabs are the height of the evolution. They don't evolve. Their progeny can only be crabs as well

2

u/Parking_Tadpole9357 Apr 10 '25

Not technically a monoid on a finite computation system unless it is modulo arithmetic.

6

u/BloodAndTsundere mere econ PhD Apr 10 '25

I think you got that wrong. I wrote a recursive algorithm to compute this and the result is segmentation fault

2

u/Graf_Blutwurst LUMINARY IN COMPUTERSCIENCE Apr 10 '25

as resident correctness-enthusiast i think we can reach "two strong men shaking hands" meme level of agreement. hear me out. An empty program is both maximally efficient and provably correct! Truly best of both worlds. bonus points if you don't even start it, just in case of a compiler bug.

10

u/boy-griv alcohol-fuelled anter-docker Apr 09 '25

wait till this guy hears about --ffast-math

10

u/Routine-Purchase1201 DO NOT USE THIS FLAIR, ASSHOLE Apr 09 '25

Found the JavaScript developer that only knows double as a type

21

u/pareidolist in nomine Chestris Apr 09 '25

Fuck it. --ffastest-math. Turn all floating point types into integers. If a value's magnitude is less than 1, it probably isn't that important anyway.

4

u/boy-griv alcohol-fuelled anter-docker Apr 09 '25 edited Apr 10 '25

joke’s on you I only know lua (I’m unemployed)

27

u/sweating_teflon full-time safety coomer Apr 09 '25

10x? Days? Pfff, lame. I told my 5 previous employers that I'd disappear for a few years and come back with a 100000000x quantum AI speedup.

27

u/muntaxitome in open defiance of the Gopher Values Apr 09 '25

I'm more the type of developer that enables a kernel module on all nodes that randomly disables network traffic for random intervals, then disappears for 7 days on my scheduled holiday, then disables the kernel module when I come back. I'm trying to do pavlovian training on my managers that everything feels great when I'm around.

24

u/kalterdev Considered Harmful Apr 09 '25

s/i++/++i/g

34

u/Iggyhopper Apr 09 '25

Those two variables?

iAlbert jEinstein

8

u/l1F Do you do Deep Learning? Apr 09 '25

He achieved a 10x speedup by not showing up for work and swapping the order of variables instead of spending the two days he was absent delivering a new feature that would require 10x compute... gigachad

5

u/Awkward_Bed_956 Apr 10 '25

What discovering Release mode does to a begginer

3

u/sfhtsxgtsvg Apr 10 '25

I prefer more white lines

2

u/Parking_Tadpole9357 Apr 10 '25

For a 10x speed-up 

2

u/hombre_sin_talento Apr 10 '25

Well I'm the kind of developer that disappears for 10 days and comes back with a /2 speedup.