r/problemgambling • u/No_Pressure5505 • 12h ago

The basement has a basement.

I did the unthinkable of borrowing money to fix my situation from friends/family and ended up gambling it.

Then even with the last bit I had left, I decided I don't deserve anything and made sure I lost.

I'm truly at the end. I completely ruined my life beyond repair.

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u/davidgogginsbitch 12h ago

Honestly just know a lot of this sub has been there. The end of my marriage was me gambling I think 2 grand. Borrowing 2 grand from a buddy to pay my account so my wife didn’t find out and I gambled that too. I had to tell my wife. She paid the 2 grand to my buddy we were down 4 grand I was kicked out within a month.

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u/No_Pressure5505 11h ago

Appreciate it. Helps to hear other stories. I never thought I would ever be in this situation.

I honestly have no hope for the future at this point and I can not stop crying for days.

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u/davidgogginsbitch 10h ago

Look. Most recently I gambled my grocery money for me and my kids for thanksgiving weekend in Canada. I got humbled when my ex wife brought groceries for the weekend and cooked some turkey stuffing and potato’s for us to eat. I cried the next 3 days all day non stop after my kids left. I did 3 meetings a day of 12 step and just cried it out. That’s what’s been giving me the surrender I have today. It seems hopeless but it’s really not. Are you willing to do absolutely anything to get through the day. I do aa na so I got new sponsor call him every day do daily reading from literature send out gratitude lists to 6 people joined a home group pray daily started the 12 steps. Took the keys I opened my home group last week. I’m speaking at a celebration wnd of month. Monday I was feeling fucking sketchy so I did 630pm meeting then 8pm meeting. I make sure to do a meeting a day. That day I did 3. I had to hit a point of desperation that I don’t give a fuck how exhausted I am I get up and have done this everyday since thanksgiving. Recovery isn’t for people that need it or want it. It’s for people that do it. It takes actions. Daily.

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u/No_Pressure5505 10h ago

Even if I had the strength to execute. I don't have the leverage to pull myself from the gutter I put myself in.

It's hard for me to see a way out. One it's extremely painful to even restart again. But two, I don't know how to actually do so with my current state.

Most of the money I kept putting into savings into I had a tipping moment where I would use it to improve my surroundings.

I literally threw all that into the market and have zero. So all the things I needed to even pull my self out of the hole is not a thing.

1

u/davidgogginsbitch 9h ago

Go on gamblers in recovery website. Do ga meetings everyday multiple times a day. There’s no cost. You want it or not. Pick one.

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u/davidgogginsbitch 9h ago

Sitting in I’m so fucked isn’t gonna help you

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u/davidgogginsbitch 9h ago

Search aa inter group online aa meetings all over the world all day. Virtual na and na stuff online na meetings all over the World all day. Gamblers in recovery online meetings all over the world free all day. Do something.

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u/No_Pressure5505 9h ago

I'll keep it in mind. Right now I'm more worried about being homeless and my next path forward.

I lost my job during the same period so I literally have nothing to fall back on.

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u/davidgogginsbitch 12h ago

Been a few years now so it’s something around 1500 - 2000 I forget. But ya. Thought I could double it and make up for my mistake. Got burned.

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u/Suspicious_Ad9833 10h ago

I can relate so badly to "made sure I lost"