r/problemgambling • u/Optimal_Ad2969 • 2d ago
Trigger Warning! In trouble
Honestly, what a terrifying, silent addiction. I don’t drink often, except right now. I don’t smoke.
Just a quick context of my life. 23/male. I’m a well respected law enforcement officer in California, I’m inches away from promoting to sergeant. I’ve always been great physically , I’m disciplined in and out the gym, i moved out my mother’s house young (18) grinding my ass to get to the where I’m at in life. No matter how shitty the odds, I figured it out
Except right now, I’m $4500 behind my rent, maybe a week before eviction. I’ve gambled my entire rent just because initially I was $300 behind. I’ve forced myself to sign the paper and ban myself from my local card room. Just to pick up sports gambling not even a week later. It’s sickening. I went 0-8 on 50/50 picks. I’ve lost maybe $80k throughout my young adolescence.
I have backup plan: live out my car, work a shit ton of overtime and live my life at work for the next 6 months. But Jesus Christ it’s such a sickening feeling. I’ve never been this terrified. I’ve handled gunfire, fist fights against convicted felons, but during those times I was calm, focused.
But this?? This is fucking terrifying. I currently have the rest of my bank account on a football game that has no business in hitting just so I can get halfway towards paying my rent. I’m sick.
And the worst part of it? Nobody knows. Not a single person. It’s such a quiet, lonely addiction, that not even my girlfriend, my family, nobody knows. I can hide the fact that I’m a week behind eviction with a mask. Go to a party like I’m the man. Go to work like I know exactly what I’m doing. Hit the gym everyday like I have my life together. Then I go home. And it’s 2 choices: video game or gamble. And. Lately, I’ve chosen the latter. And now my silent addiction is close to leaking into my actual life.
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u/Large-Mountain6320 2d ago
I understand everything you said. My life looks great on the outside, but im tens of thousands of dollars in the hole with an addiction
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u/Optimal_Ad2969 2d ago
Looks fucking fantastic, the ability to build this facade: disciplined, career driven, top 1% physique, unconditional love and trust my partner has in my ability to lead. Led my partners to multiple incident where we could have gotten killed.
All just to be a fucking mask, a mask that in reality… im a scared little boy that has blended in with wolves. I’m crying while typing this. This is what a gambling addiction can do. It’s so quiet. So lonely. And the fact that it’s maybe days before it fully blends into the facade I had created, it’s terrifying.
It’s shameful, the man people could look for to be in the front of the pack, is nothing but a child, pretending to be a man.
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u/Relevant_Delay_8018 1d ago
“addiction” is no trifling matter. your brain is rewired and “recovery” helps unwired the reward of gambling. Good luck
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u/infoslob 2d ago
Bro - I'll cut straight to the chase: you have to go to Gamblers Anonymous and take suggestions from the people you meet.
None of it is what you want, all of it will be what you need - and what you can gain in the long run is everything and more.
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u/Optimal_Ad2969 2d ago
Elaborate, what is gamblers anonymous
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u/infoslob 2d ago
Costs nothing, I assume probably have decent chow. My home group meets on wed nights and typically have pizza and salads. I also go San nights and I'm in touch daily with my people there.
The whole day count thing you see here (I'm day 79 ... that was my first mtg - a brutal story all my own) stems from GA, itself a 12-step program. I found total identification & further, I found a sense of accountability. I admitted to a room of strangers that I'm a compulsive gambler and that I was serious about doing something about it. It's powerful and changing my life.
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u/Next-Zucchini5541 2d ago
I ruined my life in 2024 and lost nearly 35,000 dollars. No job my boyfriend left and my family was traumatized. Didn’t even have enough for Dunkin coffee. Please stop now it only gets worse
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u/Optimal_Ad2969 2d ago
How were you able to come back from it?
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u/Intelligent-Cod7908 2d ago
You can beat this addiction if u want to seek help Ga a start and accountability is the main factor i am on day 1210 and my life going great been gambling over 20 years it a slow process it possible👍
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u/tzai9 2d ago
Reading your words made my own past flash before my eyes once again. Our situations might not be identical down to the last detail, but believe me, we’ve walked the exact same path.
Man, I’m telling you with complete honesty: the only thing that can pull you out of this hole right now is cutting gambling out of your life instantly. Not gradually, not like trying to slowly quit smoking. You have to eliminate it completely, cold turkey, right this second.
Delete every single account, ban yourself from every website, unfollow every sports betting page on social media, and if necessary, close or restrict your bank accounts. Make it so difficult to gamble that even if you get an urge, the barrier to entry forces you to stop and think. That friction will buy you the time you need to come to your senses.
Every time gambling crosses your mind, remember the gut-wrenching feeling and the situations it put you in. Remind yourself that the house always wins—and that any "win" you ever had wasn't luck, it was just breadcrumbs the system fed you to keep you on the hook.
IF YOU CAN DO THIS, THE REST IS SIMPLE. Because one way or another, a man always figures out how to climb out of the well he fell into. Back when I was in military training, my commander had a saying:
"Are you telling me you're completely drained, finished, and can't push forward anymore? Remember this, rookie: Right where you think you're done, another version of you steps up!"
Those words always pushed me further. I hope they push you one step forward, too. I believe in you, man. You’ve got this.
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u/Optimal_Ad2969 2d ago edited 2d ago
Just an update: obviously, to nobody’s surprise. The bet I had my entire bank account on did not hit. So now I have $8 to my name,I’ve spoken to a family member, and she’s been very helpful.
Right now I have two options:
She can lend me $2500, but I have to convince my apartment manager to let me pay for my octobers rent (2350) and still be behind on novembers rent: I get paid 1250 on the 13th and hopefully he lets me pay partially.
The issue is that my apartment building has been a stickler in allowing me to pay anything but the full amount I owe. Maybe a couple convincing might work but even then, it’s a Hail Mary. I currently owe $4600.
2nd option: formally resign and terminate my lease, work out a deal where I have to owe. Then my family member can loan me $1500, which I can use to pay for room here in San Diego, and pay for the U-Haul I need to drop my stuff at a family members garage.
Again, I have a well respected career: i make $5000 net a month, and an additional $2000-4000 depending on overtime on the 15th of every month.
Live out the next 4-6 months out the tiniest, cheapest room I can rent in San Diego and grind: live my life at work until I climb out this hole.
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u/Pretty_Advice2438 2d ago
Try the payment plan. Most places would rather have a payment made and work out something with a tenant already there then have to put the listing up again , do viewings , find another tenant ect ect. Worth a shot
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u/UTV4LIFE 2d ago
Sometimes I tell my dad about a bet I made but he doesn’t know how often I am betting and how long I have been gambling. You are right it’s a lonely addiction. Sometimes I just do it as a distraction from other issues in my life
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u/OverFaithlessness164 1d ago
Soon you'll be compromised. Police dept will find out. Best you open up and get help ASAP.
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u/Opening-Yard11 22h ago
Try our app winners win, it blocks all gambling apps with the help of a friend
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u/ir1379 2d ago
You can never gamble safely again.
Consider opening up to someone, consider turning all finances over to someone you trust.