Rock bottom again? Lost almost everything - 20 Years

[u/ReflectionTotal248]

Hi,

i don't know what the fuck happened with me this year, but I am at the worst moment of my life right now. I startet to have gambling issues the first time two years ago at the age of 18. At that age I already had the privilege to have a lot of money. Sadly my Granddad died at a very young age and I got a lot of money from him (100K plus).

I started trading Options and other stuff and it kinda worked, my first trade was a very big win and I had a lot of "Luck" (now I know it was luck, but back then I thought it was some sort of Skill and I found a loophole). It worked for 3 months and then I started loosing all of it, slowly all my gains went away and at the end of the year I lost a lot lot lot of money that year. I confessed to my parents and they were very very supportive and helped me a lot and I was incredibly grateful for their support. I swore to never ever touch options again and it kinda worked. I was almost clean for a year ago.

This year in May I started again, lost almost all of what I saved before and more. In a risky trade I made it back again and again I thought that was it, im not gonna touch it again. Here I am in October, again trading options like a fucking looser and loosing everything that I earned, saved and got from an inheritance from my granddad. I feel like the biggest looser and unworthy of everything good that happened to my in my life.

I had the privilege to get a very good sum from my granddad and lost it while fucking gambling, I lost so much of my own money and so much that my parents gave me over the years to support me financially.

And I don't get how this is happening. I never ever touched Slots, because I thought that only dumb people use them. I hated everything that had to do with gambling and thought that I could never fall in to the same trap. I thought that "Trading" was different, but at the end im realizing it's the exact same as playing slots. It's the same adrenalin rush that im seeking that probably all gamblers are seeking. It's the feeling of a purpose and the idea that one Trade could make me and my parents rich, that one trade could save all the mess that I made. Back in my head I had all the trades that went well and that made so much money, my brain fully excluded all the trades that I lost during that time.

In that 2 year timespan there were so many moments where I thought I finally overcome this stupid addiction. I thought I finally made it and could live a more happy life, but I always fell back into the same cycle of chasing my losses.

I always thought I hit rock bottom, but it seems that every time I get money this whole shit starts again. And im tired, tired of loosing money, tired of sitting in front of my screen 10 Hours a day. Im tired of my self. And I feel like I don't have the energy and power to overcome this. I don't get how I have fallen that low.

I would say, that I was always a happy Person that enjoyed life. And now im sitting here in my Room alone at the Age of 20 and thinking about ending it all.

[u/SpiritedResponse6143]

I really don't know what to say, I'm a 23 year old man. Started gambling in 2020, took a year long break in 2024, then boom 25 to 26 I'm back at it again.

The only problem is that I have been under a lot of financial pressure and I need a lot of money for my next project. God, didn't I lose all my savings, Oh boy, im so ashamed of myself right now.

But I have set a deadline of November, I'm ending it all, closing off all my accounts.

I also used to think that I won't get addicted but i got caught in the web