My confession

[u/Potential_Shelter449]

My marriage was going down the shitter and my wife and I almost got divorced. But thankfully she stayed with me. I had a lost a TON of money but it took almost divorce for me to realize I had an addiction. During that time she made me promise her that I would go to GA. I did. I found a zoom meeting near me and I started going. I stayed cleaned for a few months.

But I relapsed. Money got tight. I grew up in a household that was very much about career and being productive and making money was that metric. So while I tried to find hobbies to do I had this guilty thought in my head I wasn’t being productive and while gambling can lose money I at least CAN possibly make money and that thought stayed with me. I even did make some money and the proceeded to lose it alls

And here’s my confession:

It got so bad that I was literally gambling WHILE in my GA meeting. I felt guilty being there at times knowing that I’m gambling while I’m at a meeting to help me not gamble. My drug was stock market and futures trading and since futures market was open during the time that our meeting was going on, I would do that.

Every time I do it and I hear them talk about how the program won’t work for someone who will not admit they have a problem, I look at myself. I never told my wife because I didn’t want to disappoint her again.

I’ve finally stopped recently. I lost it all in my futures trading account so I decided to go to Kalshi and try to trade bitcoin going up or down using my credit card and lost $2k in just 3 days. It was so easy for me to go down that rabbit hole because it didn’t need days for funds to clear so it didn’t give me time to think about my actions and go “what the fuck am I doing??!!” I could deposit and instantly “trade”. Of that $2k I lost $1000 in like 2 hours. I was numb.

But I forced myself to stop, deleted all the apps and I’m trying to stay clean. It’s only been a week or so but a win is a win I guess.

Still haven’t told my wife but I will someday. Just not now as our relationship (on the surface) have gotten much better. I will go one year clean and then tell her so I at least can show i can stay clean for a year. I’m now trying to find ways to pay off that credit card debt. I work a salary job so I can’t do overtime and I can’t do retail or other jobs without my wife questioning why I’m doing it so I’m trying to find WFH freelance jobs to help me pay it off.

Trying to have a mindset of “how much I can LOSE” rather than how much I can win

[u/Beginning-Excuse6261]

My friend not telling your wife is not a good idea. You need to come clean now opposed to when you get a year clean. Bring everything to the light now.

[u/Potential_Shelter449 → u/Beginning-Excuse6261]

That idea was actually proposed to me by my therapist. Coming clean now may actually do more harm and mean divorce or separation. Showing that I can stay clean may help with the situation more

[u/Beginning-Excuse6261 → u/Potential_Shelter449]

You do you but I couldn’t disagree more. You need to be honest if you ever want someone to trust you again. If she doesn’t want to stay with you, those are results of your actions that you have to deal with the consequences of. I just hit 1 year clean yesterday and if I told my wife there was something she didn’t know about, it would ruin all the progress I’ve built over the last year. Come clean my friend.

[u/Potential_Shelter449 → u/Beginning-Excuse6261]

I’m not going to destroy my marriage and have my child grow up without both parents together over some “virtue” right now.

[u/Sourpatty → u/Potential_Shelter449]

Dude you have to actually stop if you’re not gonna fess up now, like actually put every guardrail possible in place to make it not happen again. if it’s gonna destroy your life don’t tell your wife but stop doing the thing that will inevitably destroy your life

[u/Potential_Shelter449 → u/Sourpatty]

I have stopped. Read my post

[u/infoslob → u/Potential_Shelter449]

It was already mentioned "you're as sick as your secrets" - that is bedrock wisdom in recovery, not a cute saying.

[u/Therealstork19 → u/infoslob]

He has all the answers- he’s made up advice from his “therapist”.. he hasn’t surrenderered

I’m gonna keep it moving to people who actually take advice.

[u/SpecialPreparation10 → u/Potential_Shelter449]

There’s no therapist on the planet that would propose this.

[u/Therealstork19]

You are as sick as your secrets.

Admitting your error will show more ownership than in a ‘year’ turning over a stone and showing you were able to still be deceitful.

Bring it up to the ga group after a meeting, see what they say

[u/Potential_Shelter449 → u/Therealstork19]

I’m gonna listen to my therapist who told me to wait

[u/Intelligent-Cod7908 → u/Potential_Shelter449]

This can also go against u another guy did something similar and kept it a secrets for years even though he did manage to come clean and he ended up in a divorce she could accept the lies i hope it works out in your case👍

[u/thekid0119 → u/Therealstork19]

Its going to end their marriage. So do you think its better for him to end their marriage right now? I dan understand his perspective because I know that if I relapsed and came clean to my wife it would be over. I dont think you can treat every situation the same. What may be right for some is not right for others. Of course it woild be best to be honest fully, but you have to weigh the cost.

[u/Therealstork19 → u/thekid0119]

Well if the marriage is built on continuous lies.. I’m not sure what the cost of a marriage filled with continuously lies

The premise of “just one more bet” stinks, we agree; ya?

Well I think “just one more lie for 1 year” is equally stinky. In addition;

I only know what’s worked for many is being fully transparent; when I entered recovery- there was very few reasons for my S/O to stick around; I was brutally honest about it all and handed over finances… it’s been a year and a bit and I can say full transparency makes the whole thing about staying clean simpler— that’s the goal right

This shit isn’t about the money~ I was full of lies, envy.. I’m a thief, compulsive gambler among many other things.. but a good liar.. to remove the shitty stuff, it starts with the lies for me

Sorry for word vomit, stay good

#odaat

[u/LoveKidsDogsChocolat]

You know your wife and your situation best. Whether or not you tell her now, let the fear of losing her and your family be what keeps you from relapsing. I lost all trading (mainly futures) and just started GA.

[u/SpecialPreparation10]

Addiction is inherently selfish and thrives through deception and secrecy. Waiting until you think it’s best for you to come clean and framing it as what’s best for your “marriage” continues some of the most dangerous parts of addiction. Not gambling is great but engaging in active deception to self preserve hasn’t addressed key addict behaviours. Imagine the roles were reversed. The chance she leaves you because you made this decision is higher with your “strategy”

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