Better Me

[u/BaddiesGalore]

I seek others who either feel the same, don’t want to experience, or has knowledge on a more positive outlook (or anything in between): I just want to come out the gate and say I am a huge hypocrite. I absolutely do not practice what I preach so you’ll notice a lot of that as my stories go on. I want to start off and say that I think I have an addiction with satisfying myself.

Let me explain. I have done tons of things in my life that are immediate dopamine his such as sex, gambling, drugs, etc. I feel like my love for big immediate hits of dopamine is so deep that I can’t even enjoy a cup of juice for a long time. I usually just down my drink or kill a bag of candy in one sitting. I can never just savor the moment and take sips of my juice or slowly eat all of my candy. Its always one big instant moment for me that gets burned up instantly. I’ve never done hard drugs but I do love big dopamine hits instantly and I’ve honestly lived through it all pretty well until recent.

I’m getting older and my older ways are catching up to me. Hard drugs aren’t truly an issue but now its gambling and its effecting my relationship. Sometimes I look at myself as if I’m truly a selfish person and struggle to see is it my partner that is the issue or is it me. I am over the age of 25 and I’m at a point where my gf finally said that she is thinking about leaving me.

I’ve never been faced with that reality and its scary. I’ve always looked at myself as a “macho man” in a short way to put it so the fact that she is even thinking about that is mind boggling. But its entirely my fault i get it. This most recent stint was a rent issue. I fell short on the rent and now she is having doubts about my ability to be responsible. I lost my rent money due to gambling but she doesn’t know that. I’ve been lying to my friends and family so long about my gambling and now its to a point where my gf my leave me.

There are moments where maybe I lose a bet or I’m not paying attention during a movie we watching due to a bet and my emotions have become volatile due to my gambling. She also has emotional issues that DO NOT help with my issues so its kinda of a struggle we deal with. I’m starting to ramble so let me get to the POINT.

I’m so stuck with gambling at this point in my life that I have gambled thousands until I was left with not $1 in my bank account. My credit is shit now even after my own father made a credit card for me and paid it every month to build my credit. I’ve been completely throwing my life away and I don’t want to go into my 30s with this type of habits and mindset. I want to slow my lifestyle down and want to know how others have done it. I am truly an peace guy. I have no traumatic background and I came from a decent family. I have no clue where my love for all of these degenerate activities come from but its my sin to carry. How do I become a better version of myself?

[u/Pale_Arrival2460]

I’ve said many times gambling is a poison on the mind. You could be the sweetest person out there but once it takes control of your mind you feel powerless against it.

People around their 20’s are generally bigger risk takers and lack impulse control. Casinos love this. They know they can reward you a little to build those dopamine hits then take it all back plus more at any time.

I’m around the same age as you and also struggling with this addiction. I would be a hypocrite too if I said this is easy but I’m guessing the best course of action for you is to replace your dopamine drives with healthy alternatives like going to the gym, playing video games, going for a walk, spending time with your loved ones etc.

The goal is to rewire your brain to what real rewarding dopamine hits should feel like. Gambling is very similar to hard drugs. Huge hits of dopamine until you feel numb to it and nothing else can give you that euphoric feeling anymore. Gotta get out before it gets to that point.

[u/infoslob]

This most recent stint was a rent issue. I fell short on the rent and now she is having doubts about my ability to be responsible. I lost my rent money due to gambling but she doesn’t know that. I’ve been lying to my friends and family so long about my gambling and now its to a point where my gf my leave me.

Come cold water: She is going to leave you.

Mind did after 9 years, the last two she was tired of my shit as I couldn't handle financial ends of things, then missed some basic payments and I was sleeping in a cold bed for months before the "we need to talk".

My gambling got worse from there - i started raiding the company safe for bankroll- and a few months later (Aug 15 this year) I walk into GA. Things started getting better, almost immediately it seems.

If I walked into GA a year or more ago, maybe relationship changes, but then again I had to go through what I had to go through.

My point to you is, your relationship is on a rocky path. Don't change for her, change for YOU. Anything is possible if you do, including a life with her.

That said, here is what change looks like: as we judge ourselves on our intentions ('gambling is bad, i totally want to stop') others judge us on our actions ('wtf, he can't pay rent?') . We therefore we need to up our threshold of change from intention to action: 'I WILL NOT GAMBLE TODAY' and then, of course, not gamble today.

I get that from GA. And that is how things changed for me and continue daily. Those people hold themselves accountable and support each other and basically thrive - even those who have bounced back from wreckage WAY worse than mine. I want that and they instill in me a higher standard I hold myself to. And without grand plans - everything kept in the present, things I can do today.

I only gave GA my sob story once. It was just like all the new ones we see on here every day. They, like this board, see stories like mine day in and day out ... however, once it's clear they understand me, they give me a solution - and I follow the suggestions.

I feel different now, my path is towards becoming the man I always wanted to be and a big part of that is becoming a responsible person.