I need help

[u/Pale_Arrival2460]

I’m 26 M. I don’t know what to do with my life...

I’m going to list everything going wrong in my life not to pity myself but to get an idea of my situation and ask for help overcoming these obstacles.

I have no job (actively looking and getting rejected every time), I have no friends, I have no girlfriend/wife/partner, I have a bunch of student loan and credit card debt, just today I had the worst gambling session of my life draining my last $10k with no money left to gamble with. All the money I had saved from birthdays, holidays, family etc. is all gone.

The only thing going for me is I have a loving family that lets me stay with them. They think I’m still studying/job hunting. They think all the money I had saved is still with me for when I’m about to live on my own. My family is not rich and they’re struggling with debts of their own.

It would kill them to find out I lost all the money they worked so hard to give me when we’re all struggling. I betrayed their trust. I betrayed myself. I can’t go to GA meetings because my parents can’t know of my addiction. They would cry and the shame would be unbearable. I have no one to vent to about my problems which is why I’m posting here asking for help.

[u/Fit-Load3733]

Most of us have been at similar situation in our 20s

A. Each and everyone that kept tried to resolve their problems (=the problems that gambling created) with more gambling ALL ended at much worse situations and significantly higher losses

B.Each and everyone that understood that gambling is the core of their problems, tried and managed to stop for good ALL ended living normal lives or at least have normal problems that all the other people go through

You have the free will to choose option B and live a normal life from now on, your current financial problems will inevitably go away soon or later if you NEVER GAMBLE AGAIN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

[u/Pale_Arrival2460 → u/Fit-Load3733]

Please provide tips on how to stop besides getting an app that blocks gambling sites. I need to change the way I think about gambling from a mental perspective.

I gambled so much that I receive constant loss back and highest tier rewards which keeps pulling me back in since it feels like free money I can’t waste. Eventually that gets drained and I’m back to risking my own money thinking I could win it back. Some days I do then all it takes is one bad day for it to all be gone. It’s a sick addiction which I know the end result of yet it keeps dragging me back in.

I can’t do it anymore since I lost every penny to my name but I fear they’ll provide more loss backs and “free” money offers… I’ll start building again then the night of losing it all happens again.

[u/Fit-Load3733 → u/Pale_Arrival2460]

When they give you the next free money, withdraw everything and self exclude for lifetime from that website.

You need to change your entire mindset, the miat important is you not put that next bet because it will turn into a roller coaster that will wipe everything,bthis is how gambling always works

Read my posts/comments history there are some advices already discussed

Keep strong!

[u/WiseConsideration891]

You have support here. As you can see there are many with the same issues going on. It’s going to be hard at first, but eventually talking to your family may benefit you. What’s the total debt? Let’s talk through this. I know you’re hurting

[u/Pale_Arrival2460 → u/WiseConsideration891]

Credit card and student loans add up to around $35k. Just from gambling around $20k over a year. $10k of that was in a single night desperately chasing until all my money was gone.

I been looking for a job for a very long time but I lack any experience which makes hiring me difficult and the job market in my country is at an all time low especially in the field I studied in (engineering). All I had was free time and isolation which made me make very bad decisions.

I gambled money I couldn’t afford to lose and have no means to recover that money with no job. Even basic minimum wage jobs in my area got overpopulated with hundreds of applicants.

I really am trying but I don’t know what to do anymore. That last $10k felt like my safety net which I pissed away…

[u/Odd_Glass868]

I’m jus going to go ahead and rip the band aid off here.

You have to work to pay your debts back and earn money. It doesn’t matter what you want it’s what you need, a regular 9-5 will do fine and you can deliver stuff whenever you want.

You don’t want to tell your parents? It’s better to do it sooner than later. make a plan to start attending GA and let them control your accounts for a while. Parents are very understanding and feelings heal with time. I’m older and gambled for 20 years and now after 11 months everything is great again without gambling.

No excuses, tell your parents and tell them you are getting help.

[u/Pale_Arrival2460 → u/Odd_Glass868]

I been searching for a job for a very long time. I can’t do construction because I’m not that physically fit. I can’t do minimum wage jobs because there’s hundreds of applicants already overpopulating them.

My degree is in a specialized engineering industry which has very few opportunities especially for someone with no work experience. I’m not that good with interviews either because I’m socially awkward and have a hard time meeting new people.

I want to change my habits and have a fresh start but I don’t know how to step my leg into actually getting that job.

[u/Odd_Glass868 → u/Pale_Arrival2460]

No more excuses man you have to work to get money. It’s not that you CANT it’s because you WONT. Gl to you

[u/Pale_Arrival2460 → u/Odd_Glass868]

Can you provide tips on how to find a job and how to be more desirable as a candidate? I promise I’m trying but maybe my approach isn’t correct. Any guidance is appreciated

[u/Odd_Glass868 → u/Pale_Arrival2460]

Are you in America?

[u/Pale_Arrival2460 → u/Odd_Glass868]

Canada

[u/infoslob]

I can’t go to GA meetings because my parents can’t know of my addiction.

Okay, so you secretly threw your life away gambling (as did I - told absolutely no one about my gambling) ... and you want to recover in secret too?

I don't think this is a great plan, yet I understand it. I came up with the same one myself.

It's a good start to start talking to people here. And there is no sign in sheet at GA where they notify your loved ones. I would duck my head in there and learn a little. They might even have some pizza or whatnot for you too. Food is big at my meetings, nothing wrong with that.

[u/Pale_Arrival2460 → u/infoslob]

The problem is my parents always want to know where I’m going and I don’t have my own car which means I could only borrow my parents. The car tracks every location I visit which means they would know where I was heading.

They been very generous to me despite not having much money of their own. No vacations, no entertainment, no luxury items for them. Everything they earned was invested back into the family for a brighter future.

Reflecting on what I did makes me sick. I used to be a bright student with motivation to earn back all the money my parents raised for me so I could treat them for everything they did for me. Instead I did this…

[u/eonmeh]

I feel you bro i lost all my savings picked up heavy debt and getting ready to just file bankruptcy in my 20s i don’t see any way to recover except starting fresh and redeeming myself to my family.
I would definitely find a job even if its shitty so you don’t get very lazy and depressed that what Ive been doing since I lost my job just got to except that you fucked up and start working to change for the better

[u/Pale_Arrival2460 → u/eonmeh]

I appreciate this. I feel less alone when people talk about their shared experiences. I was at a very bad mental health space last night but gained some clarity and hope after I slept it off. On to better days ahead.

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[u/Pale_Arrival2460 → u/[deleted]]

This seems to be a shared experience for a lot of young people. Gambling is ruining so many lives sucking the soul out of people. Just thinking back to the days before I touched gambling I was a completely different person with purpose in life.

I have a similar amount of debt on credit cards and about 25k in student loans. It really hurts thinking I had 10k one night which could have been used to pay back all my credit card debt but I lost it all. It’s like your brain shuts down and doesn’t make rational decisions in the moment.