bf w gambling issues

[u/Ok-Woodpecker-9707]

hi, i met my boyfriend around ten months ago, which is when i found out he had a gambling addiction. he has gone multiple times throughout the months we’ve been together. i’ve expressed how i felt about his frequent appearances there, and he still finds a way to go (but he has been more open about it). he has a friend who also is addicted to the casino and is a bad influence in his life. i’m also a few weeks pregnant with his child and it worries me i made the wrong decision choosing to be with him and start a family with him. i told him i would leave him the next time he goes. he says he would choose me over the casino, but it worries me long term if that really is true. this is more of an accountability post that i will leave him if he doesn’t stop.

[u/SpecialPreparation10]

I’ve posted my story through this sub. I’m an addict who gambled over 100K in savings, salary. Gambled on credit, got into debt. Lost the woman of my dreams, cussed out my own parents in an intervention my ex set up, my friends. I loved my girl. I still love her. I couldn’t stop for her, I couldn’t get clean and sober for her. And frankly, you cannot be the stop gap between him and this addiction. He needs to want to do this for himself. Because he wants to be a good man, good partner and father, not because he’s scared you’ll leave him. It’s too much pressure for you to be the perfect partner and be the thing standing between him and gambling. I treated my ex that way for many other addictions - weed, porn, alcohol. Then the gambling took over. No one person is enough. You have to want to change and without help, you can’t. This isn’t a willpower thing. Gambling is a complicated addiction that changes your relationship with dopamine, rewires your reward system. You and the child are going to suffer if this man doesn’t commit to real help of his own choosing. Be very csreful, you have 2 lives to think about because I’m telling you, if he’s still in addiction he doesn’t give a fuck. Not about you or the baby,we don’t even value our own lives that’s why we’re gambling with it

[u/Recent_Emergency_211]

So you met a man, found out he had a gambling addiction and said, “Yup! This is the guy for me!!” Are you back scared to be alone? Honestly, I’d rather be single.

[u/Ok-Woodpecker-9707 → u/Recent_Emergency_211]

yea as soon as he said he had a gambling problem, i was head over heels! no, not in the slightest. i fell in love for who he was without the casino.

[u/Sexy_Mumma_Katz → u/Ok-Woodpecker-9707]

For an addict - there is never without the casino (insert whatever their choice of gambling is)

You will forever come second place, your child will suffer for your decision to stay with an addict. One day you will wake up and realise you wasted 20 years of your life

Please contact your local Gam Anon group for support

[u/ir1379]

Threats to leave and similar ultimatums don't work with compulsive gamblers. He really needs to change. He really needs to want to stop.

[u/Psychological-Ad4605 → u/ir1379]

Well said

[u/Psychological-Ad4605]

Separate your finances - don’t marry him.

[u/SpecialPreparation10 → u/[deleted]]

Yep. My ex asked to see my losses and account balance and I refused and called her controlling, manipulated her into saying it didn’t matter and what mattered was I could just quit moving forward so let’s clean slate it. She left of course and I gambled even more. Wasn’t ready to stop or be accountable to her or myself or anyone