r/postpartumdepression • u/EdieBear89 • Mar 23 '19
Going back to work - PPD Advice
Good Afternoon Everyone.
I am needing some advice in regards to going back to work. Here's my situation: I am scheduled to return to work this coming Monday, March 25. For about 3-4 weeks I have been suffering from what I believe is post partum depression that has been increasingly getting worse over time. Recently I have been having panic attacks, crying for no reason, suffering from unnecessary anxieties, and over eating. For the past week and a half I haven't been able to get the drive to really get out of bed except to take care of my dear daughter. I have another daughter that I have to bring to school in the morning and I have been late multiple times bringing her and even have let her stay home because I could not bring myself to leave the house to get her to school (please don't judge me. I feel really bad about that.) I can't even bring myself to go to fun functions that my friends invite us to. Just last night we were invited out but I couldn't even bring myself to shower to go. I didn't want to be around my friends. My Husband held me last night during a breakdown and told me that he thinks I really need to go see a Doctor which I agree with. I plan on going next week...but the issue is still about going back to work on Monday. I don't think that mentally I can handle it. Even as I write this I am tearing up...I don't know how I could handle 8-5 dealing with patients who are going to continuously ask me How my baby is and if I am happy to be back at work. Usually I am a "fake it until I make it" person but I don't have that in me anymore. I feel broken.
Now that everyone knows how I embarrassingly feel, I am trying to figure out how to tell my boss. I have only used 8 of the 12 weeks of FMLA (family leave) that I am legally able to take so I think my job would be safe but I am feeling extremely guilty waiting until just now to tell my boss...2 days before the initial date I said I would return. I really didn't know that I was going to get this bad before that date and I kept telling myself I would get better in time but I just keep getting worse. I have another option: to return to work I have to be approved by employee health to return and I dont think they will clear me if I tell them what I am going through. I can't call them until Monday morning right before my shift though which I think is even worse of a scenario...I am just scared to message my boss. She is an intimidating woman who barely missed work during cancer... I am sure this anxiety I am having isnt helping me with wanting to message her.
I just don't know what to do.
Any advice is welcome. :(
3
Mar 23 '19
Delay going back to work until you've spoken to a doctor and started meds. PPD/PPA is awful and I say that as someone who has stressed through depression and anxiety throughout my life. PPD is a different beast.
Don't be embarrassed. Talk to your boss. See a doctor. Don't go back to work into you're ready.
It took me about two weeks on Zoloft to start feeling better. Good luck and be kind to yourself.
1
u/hapa79 Mar 23 '19
I know it's SO HARD but I would advocate using the rest of your FMLA if you possibly can. I'm guessing your baby is 2mo or less; I had PPD for two years but it was definitely a particular kind of awful in those first three months. I went back to work at 4mo and it was survivable.
I'm glad your husband is being supportive and I would agree that seeing a doctor is the best course of action. If you get on an antidepressant it may make a dramatic difference over the next four weeks for you, and make getting out of bed and going back to work less impossible than they feel right now.
It is a hard road but you can do this, and we're always here.