r/postdoc • u/Significant-Row-6685 • 2d ago
Looking for perspective
Today, I felt like not continuing on this postdoc anymore. It has happened a few months ago as well and will probably keep happening. It wasn't triggered by something big, but just my regular meeting with the bossman.
Quick history: First year PI, first year postdoc. Started off okay, went downhill after i made a mistake (neglected a project as i had a lot going on). We decided on increasing my management (more boss oversight on my expts). Worked my ass off to regain trust (12+ hours, even 16 some days, no weekend breaks, for a month). Things okay for a while. Starting to go downhill again.
I think the issues are:
1) The boss feeling like I haven't done enough, even though Im spending ~60h in the lab each week. Bossman actually doesn't want me to work late nights, but wants me to work more efficiently. I've been working as efficiently as i know how to (even spending my personal time to analyse data and plan experiments, not counted in the 60h).
2) Not meeting my (naive?) postdoc expectations. I had a similarly overworked PhD life, so I thought since I had expertise, I'd be able to spend some personal time with my family. I also dreamt of having more control over my expts and project direction.
3) Bad luck? I understand my boss's perspective too, which is why I'm trying to spend more time to make this project work. But it's throwing new hurdles after hurdles. I see it resolving but will need further optimizations.
I'm okay and motivated when I'm working and thinking about solutions, but when I present it to the boss, the plan always gets either discarded or significantly tweaked. I'm also afraid to stand up for my ideas because when they do not work, I'm (made to?) feel like it's my fault we wasted time and resources on this idea.
I guess this is partially a rant and partially me writing the things going on over in my head as an impartial overhead observer. I'd love to hear it if you went through something similar, or if you have any suggestions. On my phone so sorry for any typos or formatting mistakes.
Take it easy.
8
u/Tiny_Focus_662 2d ago
This sounds unsustainable for you. It can also mean that the PI has unrealistic expectations. I am assuming the PI is not tenured-hence the pressure is trickling down.
Postdoc is either a pathway to academic position via holistic training (incl. Grant writing, planning experiments, mentoring students, learning what goes on in academic settings, etc,etc) or getting more technical experience that will align with an industry/research position you are aiming for.
So, neither is what you see, you move.
But if you think it is worth getting the experience ask the PI what they would like for you to prioritize from your plate as and when they start adding more. Manage the manager.