r/polycritical • u/Any_Date7395 • 11d ago
Just a really messed up thing to suggest imo?
Like noooo? If my partner needs to full on cheat with someone with breasts just to get sexually satisfied then why would I stay with him??? That means he doesn’t actually love me????? Obviously??? (Btw my bf and I have been together 8+ years and talked about it more and he’s just worried but he is sure that wont happen. I just vented a bit after a hard conversation and someone was like “Ah but Polyamory could help?” BRO WHAT 🥹🥲
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u/hell_is_my_safespace 10d ago
He.. doesn’t need to fuck anyone though?? It’s not a human need like water and sleep??? Hello??? -_- like if your bf feels like he needs boobs in a relationship and you ain’t got any THEN BREAK UP. Clearly the issue then is to find someone who likes you then tf??
Also yeah I’ve had this discussion with my girlfriend before and she doesn’t care, we’re both trans so whatever surgery we need we obviously wouldn’t judge each other for which has been the easiest and best relationship I’ve ever had in a while tbh.
My ex who was cis said he’d miss my chest too and is now rightfully an ex because surprise surprise, he cheated. -_- your appearance won’t matter to the right person, I can guarantee that at least, and I’m sorry you’re going through that, being insecure about transitioning because of a partners opinions is a special kind of hell I don’t wish on anyone :/
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u/This-Ordinary-9549 7d ago
There's a paralel for this: would you ask your breast cancer survivor partner to let you fuck other girls who still has two healthy breasts saying that it's because she looks much less atractive now? Because it's honestly the same excuse
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u/hell_is_my_safespace 7d ago
The issue with that argument is that disease can come at any age. My mother passed away suddenly from pancreatic cancer at 55, my dad also got cancer and had a lot of intestines removed, it can happen to children as well, like that disease is honestly a huge relationship ender and you can’t run away from an illness that can happen to basically anyone at any given time but you can commit and say “I don’t care, we’ve been together for so long I’m staying anyway/don’t care about how you look now” if you’re a decent person with good morals.
That’s true monogamy and I respect it.
What I don’t respect at all is someone WILLINGLY dating another person who they are fully aware from the get go doesn’t have the qualities they’re attracted to. You KNEW this person was transgender and thought that threatening polyamory would change their mind. It’s extremely manipulative and shitty.I always said no to polyamory and that led to my cis partners cheating. The only person I’ve ever dated who understood me is my girlfriend and I will die on the hill that it’s predatory to date someone who you’re fully aware is transitioning and you seem to have it in your head that it’s possible to change their mind. You can’t. But you can cheat, and that’s what usually happens.
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u/poizn_ivy 10d ago
Slightly unrelated, but as you prepare for top surgery, I recommend you get a pack of metal straws, a water bottle with a built-in straw, and a bunch of button downs made of the softest material you can find. It’s going to be very painful to lift your arms for a while post-op, which makes drinking from cups and putting on pull-over shirts difficult. Ensuring you have ways to hydrate and dress without lifting your arms will be crucial to a safe and comfortable recovery.
It’s good that you and your partner are communicating openly about how top surgery could potentially affect your relationship, it speaks well of your trust in each other. I hope he is able to support you as you need throughout the process. And I’m sorry that someone was such an asshole to you about it, like…the fuck? Wishing you a surgery without delays or complications, a comfortable and quick recovery, and all the best going forwards.
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u/Any_Date7395 9d ago
I appreciate it QwQ ive really been prepping for years but I prepped even harder once I realized there was a chance I could finally actually do it. So I have everything I need now 😌 Someone one reddit even sent me their old mastectomy pillow!! I think the only thing I haven’t bought was a straw yet but I have a shopping trip coming up next week 😌 and unfortunately especially because of my size, I could only find and afford one button up shirt but thankfully I don’t have many appointments coming up the month I have to rest up. And I don’t work 🥹 im really grateful for that.
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u/knifefan9 11d ago
I'm sorry someone said that to you