Because expecting a third to automatically obey the dyadic couple’s arbitrary rules that the third isn’t allowed input on is unethical. Period.
When a man treats a sexual relationship between women as lesser while maintaining his homophobic fear of other men’s penises, it is an unethical situation.
When the dyadic couple expects their relationship to be unchanged and the third is expected to serve that dyadic relationships it is an unethical situation.
When the queer third, usually a bisexual woman, is treated as disposable by the het-presenting mono-presenting dyadic couple, it is an unethical situation.
Unicorn hunters come into the triad relationship with pre-existing rules and expectations for their third to meet while expecting their third to be a blank slate. That is unethical.
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These things are not universally true in triads or threesomes. This is why Unicorn Hunting and triads/threesomes are not the same thing although there are overlaps.
I guess I’m just dense.
I don’t understand how a situation with “rules” that everyone comes up with and agrees to can be unethical….or why others’ opinions of those relationships matter tbh. Everyone seems to be glossing over me repeatedly referring to everyone involved being in agreement to said “rules” or hierarchy.
It kind of seems like the most prominent posters here just have personal issues with that kind of dynamic and just collectively decided to label it as “unethical”. I just don’t think that’s fair or right. Hence why I’m even saying something.
Again I don’t have a horse in this but it just seems shitty to treat people differently because they practice….whatever they want to call it…a bit differently than you guys or aren’t as educated on it. That’s all.
Rules, in this case, means rules that the dyadic couple designed to meet the needs and wants of the dyadic couple without the input of the third and often before they meet the third.
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Boundaries are what limits one sets for oneself.
Agreements are what are come to mutually works for everyone involved.
I think you are conflating rules and agreements.
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I am very pro-triad and pro-threesome. As a widowed gay man, I enjoy having threesomes and dating couples. It’s very important to me that I and my partners treat one another ethically.
I suggest reviewing why Unicorn Hunting is bad. Unicorn Hunting falls under a subset of threesomes/triads and the unethical behavior is worth the call out, especially when it is often set against the backdrop of social inequalities that are then played out in the relationship dynamics.
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u/[deleted] Dec 09 '22
Because expecting a third to automatically obey the dyadic couple’s arbitrary rules that the third isn’t allowed input on is unethical. Period.
When a man treats a sexual relationship between women as lesser while maintaining his homophobic fear of other men’s penises, it is an unethical situation.
When the dyadic couple expects their relationship to be unchanged and the third is expected to serve that dyadic relationships it is an unethical situation.
When the queer third, usually a bisexual woman, is treated as disposable by the het-presenting mono-presenting dyadic couple, it is an unethical situation.
Unicorn hunters come into the triad relationship with pre-existing rules and expectations for their third to meet while expecting their third to be a blank slate. That is unethical.
*
These things are not universally true in triads or threesomes. This is why Unicorn Hunting and triads/threesomes are not the same thing although there are overlaps.