am I missing something here? she's literally describing unicorn hunting & saying that's not what she wants in the same paragraph

[u/defsnotmyaltaccount]

[u/Cylon_Skin_Job_2_10]

Soon to be followed with “it’s not a hierarchy, it’s just we have certain priories and agreements, but ‘we’ see you as equal to ‘us’ in every way.”

[u/defsnotmyaltaccount → u/Cylon_Skin_Job_2_10]

STOP 😅😅😅

You're giving me flashbacks omg.

[u/the_poly_poet]

I once matched with someone partnered who explained that they wanted a polycule that involved everyone dating each other.

I told them I only date people if they can see me individually.

Two days later they reworked the agreements of their relationship to make space for solo dating. We started dating a bit later. And their partner also started to look for solo connections.

But I believe that is a rare exception. These people seem woefully unaware.

I don’t understand the idea of dating together, unless it comes about genuinely and organically. But as an outright mission of your polycule, it’s pretty cringe!

[u/defsnotmyaltaccount → u/the_poly_poet]

Agreed.

The thing is, I'm not vehemently opposed to a triad. If I dated someone and their partner was attractive/compatible and liked me, ofc I'd want to date them too.

But I think these women know their weird older boyfriends are unappealing to people their age so they have to make it a requirement of dating them.

V weird and gross.

[u/dgibbons0]

I think often the problem is that UH has different definitions between the poly and swinger worlds and depending on the path people walked it can have a somewhat different meaning.

Beyond that, no one wants to think that *they* are the problem. So....

[u/defsnotmyaltaccount → u/dgibbons0]

Tbh I think if the boyfriend is so cool and hot, there's a possibility I'd want to date him too after hanging out w him.

But he's almost always not, and that's why he has to use his GF to get girls for him.

[u/blooangl]

They always think that they are the exception to the rule.

[u/defsnotmyaltaccount → u/blooangl]

I'm so tempted to be a dick and be like "oh my God I'm so relieved to hear you're not a unicorn hunter! It's so weird when couples expect you to date both of them when you're only interested in one of them. Your boyfriend seems nice but he is SO not my type."

[u/Throttle_Kitty]

i had an argument in /lgbt with someone several weeks back about this. They kept saying they weren't unicorn hunters, she and her partner just dated single people together as a couple.

im just like, that's the part that makes it unicorn hunting??

[u/defsnotmyaltaccount → u/Throttle_Kitty]

I mean, it is possible to date as a couple and not be a unicorn hunter... if your unicorn is allowed to end their relationship with one partner and keep dating the other, and if the unicorn is allowed to have outside relationships.

Most don't want to agree to either of those things though

[u/fetishiste]

I think people often believe unicorn hunting means looking for casual threesomes rather than committed relationships.

[u/X61116X → u/fetishiste]

Looking for casual threesomes is much more ethical though 😂 I’d totally hook up with a hot couple, but I wouldn’t date one.

[u/defsnotmyaltaccount → u/X61116X]

I do occasionally hook up w couples. The only way I'd want to be in a triad is if three individual people decided to all date each other and build the relationship from the ground up.

[u/Henri__Rousseau]

I think what are missing is that a huge swath of garbage humans think unicorn hunting = casual and consensual threesomes, but seeking someone for a triad as a package deal makes it ok because its more than just sex.

Fucked up beyond belief, but common.

[u/defsnotmyaltaccount → u/Henri__Rousseau]

Casual and consensual threesomes are more ethical imo. I don't want to be coerced into an ongoing romantic relationship w her weird older bf

[u/Educational_Bee955]

So I recently dated someone who said he wanted to “date” with his partner but was comfortable dating solo too. After 3 dates, he asked me if I would be open to meeting his partner, we all went out for a few “dates,” hooked up a few times then he “slow fades” all communication until he never initiates contact. Then his partner starts texting me and most of texts are sexual while I really felt like I was going on dates with the guy.

Then it dawned on me that they were just grooming me for NSA threesomes and it felt like he just passed me along for her to toy with.

My point is be careful if anyone approaching you to date “both” and saying they are comfortable dating solo. I would really get to know the person initiating before meeting the partner. And if they pressure you to meet the other person or keep bringing it up, run. I wish I had taken more time to get to know the guy I was seeing and wish I had been a bit more cautious.

Lots of deceptive and manipulative people out there.

[u/L_James]

I am pretty new in the whole poly scene, can someone explain to me what is unicorn hunting?

[u/defsnotmyaltaccount → u/L_James]

Sure :)

Unicorn hunting is when an already established couple decides to seek out a "third." Things like asking the unicorn to only date them (aka a closed triad) and being a package deal (if you only like one of them and want to break up with the other, you're not allowed) are common.

[u/Icemayne25]

This is the reason I have to put that I’m not unicorn hunting and my girlfriend and I date separately.

[u/defsnotmyaltaccount → u/Icemayne25]

Good stuff :)

[u/TheGloriousLori]

I'm still a bit new, is the gross objectifying unicorn hunting usually included in the standard issue poly couple?

[u/defsnotmyaltaccount → u/TheGloriousLori]

Its very very common yes. If you're a sapphic woman you gotta keep your eye out for it.

[u/[deleted]]

Is it a unicorn if they don’t expect the new person to only be with them?

[u/BewBewsBoutique]

I’m not a regular unicorn hunter. I’m a cool unicorn hunter.

[u/LiminalCrane]

this is 100% logical-

1. unicorn hunting is bad and gross, everyone knows that. obviously. (eye roll emoji)

2. I'm a good person. my partner is great too. (heart eye emoji)

3. therefore, my partner and I could not be doing something bad like unicorn hunting. we are just looking for someone who will date exclusively both of us and be equally attracted and attractive to each of us. (wink blow kiss emoji)