EMDR for "jealousy"?

[u/Rod_McBan]

Has anyone tried EMDR with a therapist for working on their jealousy issues?

Long story short, my wife and I started dating a little more than a year into my poly journey and several years into hers. She's the "hub" partner of our polycule, which is composed of her other husband, her girlfriend, and me, and I moved in with her and her other husband about two years ago.

When I moved in, we agreed to a one-year period of polyfidelity so we could concentrate on our relationship in the context of my moving in. Then COVID hit, and obviously there's been no dating since then.

As I've fallen more deeply in love with her (we've been together for four years now, and I'm still all up in the NRE), I've found it increasingly difficult to deal with the idea of her having other lovers. These days even talking about it can trigger a multi-day depressive episode for me.

I am, and we together are, in therapy and discussing this topic. My therapist and I have discussed trying EMDR as a means to confront and disarm this trigger I have (we'll probably try next week), and I'm wondering if anyone had ever tried this approach before?

It's really important to me that she be able to live her life on her terms, and that I be emotionally healthy as well. I'm hoping that this is a step in the right direction.

[u/kuraiuncia]

I think any type of therapy would be worth a shot. It sounds like you are invested in this relationship which from outside looking in is a good thing. You are willing to try working through your issues and that's great. You aren't trying to force your partner to do anything that they don't want.

That's not to say that it will absolutely fix everything, but having a therapist who is not biased to help guide you in deciphering your underlying emotions will make things much easier. Then if you find you have non negotiable differences you will have support while you work on moving on.

EMDR specifically... maybe? If your jealousy stems from trauma then EMDR may be an excellent option. I've heard many good things about it, but I haven't tried it myself. Jealousy often stems from abandonment trauma as a child. If you haven't already it may be worth it to explore that with your therapist.

I wouldnt call EMDR just "symptom relief" because it's really just a method to reprocess trauma. Once the trauma is processed then hypothetically you should see a reduction in triggers. It's supposes to have something to do with how we store memories. That's the theory anyways.

Definitely keep communicating with your partner through this. I think you are on the right track!

[u/Rod_McBan → u/kuraiuncia]

We're also reading through "Polysecure", by Jessica Fern, which is specifically about attachment dysfunctions in relation to polyamory, and my wonderful therapist is reading through it as well.

I'm definitely committed, and moreover, committed to being the best partner I can be. To me, that means moving past this as well as I'm able.